Mother's Day

18 years ago

I woke up today thinking tomorrow is Mother's Day; this may be the last Mother's Day that my mom will know who I am. I realize that many of you know that feeling -- you are living it right now, and even though I've been reading your posts for the past few months, it really didn't hit me until today.

It's very difficult to lose a parent,and I know that feeling. My dad died when I was only 13, but that was final, he was gone. Now, looking at mom and seeing her confusionand the lost look in her eyes, hearing her questions daily, hourly and sometimes minute by minute just reinforces the inevitable...she is slowly leaving me and going into her own world, a world where I can't be with her...I am just so, so sad today...

Comments (6)

lasershow
18 years ago
I understand. This will be my first Mother's Day without my mom, as she passed away in September. Last Mother's Day, she was in the nursing home and she did not want to go out for dinner. We visited in the large livingroom, with every other resident's family there (or so it seemed). One little old lady screamed at everyone repeatedly. It was awful. I inherently knew it would be my last Mother's Day with her.

I can't say anything to make you feel better, only that I know what you are going through.

I think tomorrow I am just going to hibernate. It's been so difficult seeing all the ads for Mother's Day. I was shopping today and a saleswoman asked me, "Do you need any Mother's Day gifts?" It's still a shock sometimes to realize that my mother isn't here anymore.
derryw
18 years ago
It is strange....I can remember so many Mothers Days with my mother, and the things we did. But I cannot remember our last one together. She died 2 years ago in April. I think the sadness just stays with you. I took tomorrow off from work...just cannot predict how I will feel. I do hope the day goes well for you and your Mom, Mimi. It is a tough time. Derry
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Mother's day has come and gone... so should this thread! I am struggling with some of the statements. I justified the reference to our levels of earnings by saying that most of the stuff that we buy using "credit" cards isn't deductible, so using them isn't going to increase our amount of after-tax cash on hand, which will have an impact on our pre-tax income, as well. Almost none of the things we buy are tax deductible, so this is simply not relevant... because it doesn't change between the alternatives. The only way this becomes relevant is if you are taking money out of your traditional IRA to use for interest payments... So the entire before tax / after tax logic pretzel only works for one specific thing that is not mentioned in the original post. Next, a 28% credit card rate is not equal to a 28% savings rate. This is the difference between compounding interest and effective interest. Even though the two are calculated the exact same way, and compounding is a type of effective, compounding grows but effective interest can shrink. Credit cards are basically rolling installment loans with an 8 year and 4 month payback and no early payment penalty. So the total interest you pay on a $5,000 purchase would be $5,892 over 8.33 years. People will often struggle to convert avoidable interest to investment returns, and most people shouldn't need to do this. The easiest way to do so is by using a version of the Modigliani-Miller theorem. If you want to equate a loan into an investment, then just hypothetically use the loan to purchase the investment and find the interest rate where the total payments on the loan = the total return of the investment. The equivalent investment rate of a 28% credit card, is 9.38%. However, if you are not working with the capital structure of a business, that is pretty useless information. Unless you are borrowing to invest, you should just avoid equating loans to investments. It isn't going to provide useful information. ---- Math questions are best solved with math and not an application of some vague wisdom. Interest is not that hard to calculate, so learn to calculate it. There are times when using your credit card is wise and there are times when it is not. Generally speaking though, balances on high interest credit cards are a symptom of another problem. Typically, either frivolous spending or insufficient income. So, if you can, work on that problem first and the credit card problem tends to fix itself.
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abreeze
18 years ago
Oh, Mimi, you were so young to lose your dad. It had to be difficult for your mother, too... I took care of my parents, but neither had Alz. That has to be an especially traumatic "journey" (as Nora describes it) for you and your precious mother. I really can't imagine the heartache you must be experiencing, but I well remember the pain of helplessly watching my parents slowly decline... As caregivers, we do and give all we can for our loved ones, but the decline continues.

Derry and each one whose mother is failing or has passed on - May God hold each one of you close in His arms of love, and may His comforting presence minister peace to you. I could not make it if it weren't for His faithfulness in my life. May He bless you and your loved ones. ~breezy
mimi427
Original Author
18 years ago
It was very difficult for my mom, as well as for me and my sisters; mom was 42 at the time my dad died. My dad was 10 years older than she; both were holocaust survivors. He died of a heart attack but the Dr.s felt it was due to what he went through during the holocaust -- he survived Auschwitz. He's been gone 41 years and I still miss him. I feel cheated, not having him there for so much of our lives, especially for him to see all his grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
My mom was not in Auschwitz, but was in ten slave labor camps. She built railroad tracks and survived on eating dirt and potato peels that they stole from garbage cans. Fortunately, she knew how to crochet and knit and at times worked for the Commandant of the labor camp making things for his family. During these times, she was able to spend some time in the Commandant's barracks and he even gave her real food...God only knows what she had to do besides knit and crochet to earn that food. And now.... she has Alzheimer's...I cannot tell you the pain I have in my heart for her; it just doesn't seem right to have suffered as she did and fought to survive only to end up like this.
Thanks so much for your kind words and thoughts...I will try to make tomorrow a very happy and memorable day for mom and me; at least I'll be able to remember it and know that she enjoyed the day. My prayers and thoughts are with you all tonight...take good care, Mimi
abreeze
18 years ago
How tragic, Mimi... Your family has been through incredible anguish and pain. I can't imagine the suffering your parents endured. You are a wonderful daughter and show your precious mother how much you love her. I'm sure she loves and appreciates you and your sisters as dearly as you do her. However, since she lives with you, you are the one she clings to and trusts to take care of her. It's a heavy burden... I was in that position with my mother. May God encourage and strengthen you and give you a good night's rest. May you and your mother have a blessed day tomorrow. ~breezy
Patti541
18 years ago
Bless you all...I know how hard it must be for all of you...Mimi, my heart breaks for your Mom. I can't imagine what she must have gone through. My Mom has been gone for 5 years now, and I miss her everyday. Her funeral was the day after Mother's Day...but I was blessed to have her for my Mother and I am a very grateful daughter...more grateful, I think, as the years pass...

Mother's Day

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Mother's Day

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