What an article. I am over-whelmed at the moment. It has hit very very close to home. My Dad was in much the same condition/mental state for 6 months before he died and I was his caregiver. I moved to FL to live with Mom and Dad and take care of him. His dementia was brought on by something a pd caregiver did/gave him . She had been in their home for 1 month. She and her spouse were attempting to get my Dad to sign checks behind Mom's back. By the time Mom realized what was going on and my DB and I got there all was lost. Except for the horror and the bills the incompetent medical community that we had to deal with. My only fault with the article is his ending. There is nothing you can do personally that will hasten your own end except suicide. If you decided to do this while you are still able then so be it. But...if you wait...ah...then who will you designate to carry out your wishes. Will they ? When will be the right time ? Tomorrow...OK...what if it is a good day ? See what you are facing. Hubris ...that is what is at work . Thank you Gold for a powerful thread and roselvr for an eye opening article. And the writer, thank you. Here is a link that might be useful: Hubris

I hear you. My hat is off to anyone who is able to have aged parents move in with them, and share the family/TV room, kitchen, etc. but what you described in your last post is a recipe for life being h***. It's one thing (and a big thing) to take on the responsibility of having aged parents nearby and caring for them, but it's a whole nother step to have an older person in charge of the remote camped in your living room every evening of your life. I know you didn't ask for advice on the personal part of it, but your last post expressed some very understandable and very human trepidation about too much closeness. (My mom has alzheimer's so I do have some idea what is coming eventually as far as your FIL.) And maybe I'm reading too much between the lines, but it sounds as if you are facing a huge life change without completely being consulted or getting to vote....so you ought to have huge veto powers on the arrangements (just as, if you wanted to bring your mother into your home your hubby should have big veto powers over the exact arrangement.) Meantime, your MIL is still in good health and active, and it sounds as if she would also be happier with her own space and privacy? As your FIL's condition deteriorates, and eventually your MIL's health (which might be a long time from now) you can still be near enough to help and there are alarms and buzzers that can be wired even into a separate cottage, apartment, or duplex (and some people cut a door between duplex units for this very thing, then put it back for resale.) In any case, don't let anyone make you feel bad for not wanting to share your kitchen and LR with your in-laws; chances are they will also be happier with their own space and as much independence as possible. To bring this back OT...I think resale for a nice duplex or separate apartment is pretty good in many areas. ;~)

Allison, I was responding to the posts that were saying something about finally a picture of a kitchen worth $1M. At that point you really do have to differentiate between good neighborhood urban or lakefront horse property and new suburb new construction no location value. The what do you get for the price is an interesting question across the board, but the "million dollar worthy kitchen" needs context. I suppose it's different here than in other places. The properties have a lot valuation/structure valuation, so it's normal for us to think that way. The structure value isn't cost of build or insurance or anything, just the difference between what the lot would assess for if it were cleared and what someone would pay for the place as is. You can even do that in Igloo's case. Every house has features and detractions, all of which are subjective, but a value can be put on it because someone did buy it. Where there aren't good comps it's harder to value the lot, but because most features of the lot are intrinsic (though things like views and services do change) the lot prices are calculable to a good enough extent. For our purposes, just "lakefront, view, 2 acres, CT" or "new suburb, quarter acre, flat, IN" or "city, near transport and universities, lot under 10K s.f., Boston" is enough, with the frontage, to give context whether you're looking at a vacation/retirement house, a big new family home, or a town home.

Fourteen years ago (gosh, has it really been that long?) DH and I came to live with Mom, at her suggestion. I'm one of four children and the only daughter. At the time, Mom was going through some health issues and shouldn't have been alone, but wasn't ready to leave her home of more than 30 years. While, in some ways, it felt like we gave up a lot to merge households, I wouldn't change a thing, because what we have gained is immeasurable. My three brothers all said that they would be happy to help out anytime, but I know that they are counting their lucky stars that I'm here and they are not. Both DH and I work full time, but over the years things have evolved out of necessity. DH has moved his business home and is actually the one who bears the heaviest load of Mom's care. We have seen Mom through Hodgkin's Lymphoma, a couple of strokes (which thankfully did not leave her an invalid), and numerous other issues that have come her way. Many days she just doesn't feel like eating and DH has her totally convinced that she is doing him a favor by going to lunch with him because he doesn't like to eat alone. He drives her to most of her appointments, and I take time off work when he is unavailable. Sometimes he drops her off and I leave work to "relieve" him and then bring Mom home. I always accompany her to her oncology appointments so that I can hear what the doctor has to say. We have called on my brothers on a few occasions when it was necessary, and while they rise to the occasion at those times, until last year they never thought to ask if we needed a break (and believe me, a break would have been welcomed). Can't tell you the last time we had a vacation. And the furthest brother lived about 35 miles away. I feel that I am blessed to be able to see Mom every day and not have to wonder how she is doing, or if she ate her meals or took her medicine. Yes, it's hard for an adult child to live with a parent, but it works for us because we love and respect each other. I know that people think that should be obvious, but believe me, I have seen and heard about lots of families that lack love and respect for each other. I'm sorry, I'm rambling. Anyway, last year my baby brother decided to come and stay with Mom for a weekend so that we could get away. It wasn't really a vacation, but boy, it sure felt like one! We just went and visited friends who had recently moved away. And my brother has decided to give us this "gift" once a month. What a blessing! I would never have asked him to do this, but I appreciate it so much. And he has come to better understand what it is to be responsible for the well being of another adult. I think that my job and DH's job are both "important" too, and I know that we are blessed to have flexibility in them (my boss is great) so that we can be available whenever Mom needs us. Sometimes Mom complains, saying that she hates being a burden, but I remind her that she took total responsibility for my life from birth to adulthood, and I am now completely honored to be able to give back to her a small part of that. Try to imagine that everybody's job is important and everybody deserves some time for themselves. Do you really want to have regrets later that you didn't spend time with your loved one while they were alive? You only have one family. Treasure your family.