It's hard to stay away, but it's a technique that very often works for everyone involved - and it'll make your future visits a more positive experience and give you more quality time together when you do get back into the visiting routine.

Give it a try - even if it's no contact for three or four days. Sometimes staff will even recommend a week. But, act according to your comfort zone.

It doesn't seem fair, does it....? We work hard, live right, and still fall to pieces long before we think we should. Getting angry is a natural emotion about aging. Since she can't direct it at the years, she directs it to those around her.

She'll settle down. She may never like it, but you know how the situation is and what the best thing to do for her well being.

Also, get to know the staff, make sure they see you. It helps them to know you're your mother's best advocate. Let them know little things about her, what she liked and didn't like, hobbies and pasttimes, etc. If they have a little personal information, they have something to distract her with when she's feeling angry and alone. If your mother likes music, make sure she has a radio. A few well chosen family pictures in her room, a favorite quilt or throw.

I have to admit, as gut wrenching a decision as it was to have our mother placed in long term care (I was her live in caregiver from mid 2001 until late 2006 and watched her slide from moderate to severe Alzheimer's), we were spared any real drama. But over the 11 months she was in LTC, I witnessed plenty of drama with other residents and their families. And I participated in (still do keep up with those) a couple of different care givers support groups - really good for information gathering/sharing, moral support, etc.

It was all a real learning experience - and now looking back on the whole thing - one I wouldn't trade. It was a priviledge and there's a kind of sweetness about it.

It does remind me a lot of when I used to work in a day care center. Some of the kids, especially when they were new there, would fuss and carry on the whole time their parent was there dropping them off. If the parent stayed and got emotional, the kid would milk it for all it was worth. As soon as the parent left, the kid would smile and go play. Happened over and over with lots of the kids. We'd tell the parents to go to work and then call us to see how their kid was doing and the answer was almost always "fine".