Mom's admission to LTC

19 years ago

Wow. I don't know where to begin!! From the time we arrived there at their lunch hour and they invited her into her dining-room to join them, until the time we left several hours later, she was all smiles!!! The staff thinks she's just the sweetest lady, and she loved and huged and kissed everyone who ministers to her! I think the "snack cart" gal was taken by surprise!

I'm not sure where she thinks she is, but the weirdest thing happened when we were leaving home: I was holding her hand to help her into the van, and she took it in both her hands and thanked me for the hospitality!!!

In her new room she asked me to bring "the kids" more often, and I said I would and will also bring Tammy (our BorderCollie), and she said nooooo...we can't bring dogs here! Well....we can, and I will! ;-D

Oh, my goodness!! We put up her crucifix on the wall above her bed, family photos on her dresser, comforter, blanket and her own pillow on her bed, and when she realized the washroom was at the end of her bed, she clasped her two hands together as if to say thank heavens! Not such a long walk down the hall as she had at home!

I must be sounding very different than yesterday! From everything we learned today, the care she'll receive from the nurses, her care-workers (she has the same two each day always), her dietician, kinesiologist, chaplain, psychologist,....you gals were right! She's going to receive care we could never provide here! And if I've learned anything at all, it's that if anyone is hesitant about placing a loved-one into a good LTC facility, please approach it as a positive step! Mom is just loving the attention (she's such a diva, really!;-) and loves everyone in return! I have been told that their cognition could decline for a while, or appear so, but they will make the adjustment. OH...SO MUCH to take in!

It's strange at home, however. I feel so sad when I see her things still in her washroom here, and I haven't even gone into her empty bedroom, yet. That can wait until tomorrow. It'll be too difficult. Driving into our driveway, I quite naturally looked at the right-hand side of our living-room window to see if she was sitting there with her care-taker...and missed greeting her when we entered our home.

Over the next few days, weeks, there will likely be many such moments....but I'm comforted by what I've witnessed today: she's in a good, safe place, surrounded by people who care for her.

We'll be there tomorrow with her glider-chair, and I hope she's still the same.....

Ladies....THANK YOU so very much for sharing these past months with me...and this last, almost terrifying experience of placing Mom. You are, each of you, so compassionate, so wise....I will continue to visit and share with others who need help....

For now....Bless each of you...

((((((HUGS)))))

Lindi

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Comments (11)

mimi427
19 years ago
I'm so very happy for you...it sounds like you really did your homework and found the perfect LTC for your mom. I hope you can adjust as well as it sounds she has adjusted :) Be well and take care, Mimi
jeanninetx
19 years ago
If you are like I was, I missed my dad, but I felt like a load had been removed from my shoulders. He lived in his own home, and I was constantly worried about him, falling, trying to drive, forgetting his dog outside (he did that once) to know he was in good care, and had the freedom to be himself was a relief.
I know she may have bad days, my dad did, but I took that in stride, the next day he was telling me how he liked the new Apt.
Take it slow or do it quick whichever is best for you as to cleaning up your moms room. Each of us has our own speed.
Take care of yourself.
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What an awsome group we have here! I'm teary-eyed reading your kind and generous responses to my outbutst. Sooey, my Mom's 91, and yes, when it's a Mom who's done everything for her family, had more energy than most people half her age, it's terribly difficult and unfair to see them this way; I hope your Mom's light-years away from where my Mom is now... Mark, what a coincidence about the stove! My Mom was leaning on our stove a few days ago, playing with the dials! I'm sure somewhere she knew what they were for, but I'm also quite sure she couldn't rationalize the danger she would have been in had she turned one on near her! How sad what happened in your town...those poor children... Lasershow, yes she's had an MRI, and there's nothing significantly wrong, such as a tumor, etc. Her neurologist has done her own testing and determined it to be dementia/alzeimers. We have thought about visiting various homes in the area, and I imagine that if it's been determined that she's a candidate, we'll begin that process. I've only been in one as a visitor to a friend's Dad, and....well...it's not 'home', is it? I'm honestly not sure anything would be good enough for Mom.... Fairiegold: you almost make it sound feasible! ;-) Sometimes I can picture a more idyllic situation: nice visits, bringing her treats, flowers, taking her on rides...without the mundane duties that can frustrate both of us...Now wouldn't that be so nice??? Sharlee, I'm assuming your Mom was living alone when she suffered her stroke and subsequent dementia? If that were true for my Mom, a facility would certainly be the obvious choice, as it was for you and your brother. Having had her here for 10 years or so...I feel more like I'm failing in her care by placing her. Your Mother seems like she's in a wonderful situation, comforted by her own possessions and receiving loving care. We should all aspire to that for our family members... Mary, yes, we too found an angel who cares for Mom each morning. She showers her, has coffee with her, gets her snacks, and is here for 1 1/2hours on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and 2 hours on Tuesdays, and 4 hours on Thursdays: my DH's and my "date days"...;-) On those days she has lunch with Mom also, and gives her "the full treatment", including manicure! Mom truly loves her and she's become a part of our family! Patti, having to care for your uncle, I think, would be even more difficult. Maybe it's just me, but being close to Mom, and both being gals, I'm certainly more comfortable with caring for her....Does your uncle live with you? How is his condition? His age? I sure do tip my hat to you, Patti! It can't be easy... I hope you ALL take the same advice you offered to me, and take good care of yourselves, too! It's funny...I didn't really feel anything coming on, just felt as if one day rolled into the next, that I was coping quite well, thank you, and then the restlessness began, the not sleeping through the nights, getting 'edgy', resentful, impatient...Not good for me, and certainly not good for my Mother. Thank heavens where I leave off, my darling Hubby takes over with his calmness and sense of humour. Humour helps! ;-D Blessings to you all...I'm sure I'll know more after her assessment on Friday.... Thank you so very much; I hope I can be as helpful to you one day!
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I'm high ranked in mcgill. I know very well what i am talking about. ANd Canadian education is not the same as American. Its not hard to get an A/A-/B+ as you put it. THe grading system is Completely different. There are schools in the states that are of the highest order. They are amazing. But not all students attend some of the best schools. And i really hate to give you more light on this subject but many Mcgill applicants with A- have been rejected due to quota and other admission issues. Its a business ladies. Remember. I say its not hard to get in because i see alot of smart students. Alot , many who apply to mcgill have these high marks. Trust me, i know. The only thing wrong with parents paying for college and university is if the child expects it kkny. Dont twist my words ladies. I dont think its wrong for parents to help their children BUT they have to work partime, they have to not expect it because they are the chidl and that is my parent. And i would help my child in university as long as they have a part time job and they're grades are high. I've seen a few cases not only in concordia but in mcgill and two other institutes where the poor parents pay and the kid goofs, while having his cell phone and car paid for by said parents. Its RIDICULOUS! Parents in this society must draw the line and how they raise their kids now adays. These kids will the futur and this entitlement must be changed. Now we have gone off topic and we can discuss schools and politics all we like. In the end, after being part of this forum for almost 10 years, ladies you are beating the same horse from a different angle. Kkny you still have your chip on your shoulder against SM Obviously me being one will get your knickers in a fancy. Lets not forget i was also a stepchild. I know both fences. As for tone, i'm not the one who 's bitter and jealous in my situ. good day ladies.
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PeaBee4
19 years ago
Lindi, I am soooooo glad that it all started well for you both. She may never look back or remember any other place. This is going to work well. It sounds as if it is a top notch place.
PB
Patti541
19 years ago
Linda, I am so glad it went well today. It may give me courage to perhaps take the next step with my uncle. Today was a difficult day with him, as he made no sense at all with what he was saying...I hope your Mom is happy and does wonderfully and you can have the peace of mind in knowing she will have all she needs...and she will still have you...
Glitter53
Original Author
19 years ago
Thank you, Mimi....yes...I hope we made a good choice...so far...so good! ;)
Jeannine: isn't is strange how they can comply with a new situation? I know there will be some rough times, but I'm sure the good ones will outweigh them!
PeaBee: you're so right! It's like she just slipped into her new home...like she's never been anywhere else!!
Patti: I wasn't kidding! ;-) I pictured it being so institutional! But it's home!! The people there, from the chaplain to the dietitian, from the nurses to her care-workers are so caring, so loveable! If I knew before what I know now....I'm almost sorry we didn't do this sooner...she has so many new faces and opportunities to socialize!
I encourage you to visit a few places...meet the staff...tell them of your concerns...I wish I had done that sooner...

It's early, but I'm EVER so hopeful she continues to enjoy her new surroundings and "friends"! ;-D

Blessings
Lindi
nora8
19 years ago
Linda, I am so happy that things went well for you and your DM. Sounds like it is a wonderful place with caring people. Keep us informed and I am sure that she will have lots of friends to talk about. Nora
lasershow
19 years ago
Glad to hear this, Linda. I learned a lot when my mom was in the nursing home and I watched carefully how the staff interacted with the patients. Some are better than others, of course, but you find that in every job in every walk of life. One of my friends does a lot of volunteer work in nursing homes and with the elderly, and she told me not to pay so much attention to the surroundings (e.g., how fancy it is -- of course, cleaniness matters!), but to watch the expressions on the patients' faces when they were greeted by the staff. That tells you a lot. She was very right. I also saw that many of the administrative people, who did not have direct care responsibility of patients, nonetheless knew their names.

I hope you are sleeping well tonight. :-)
abreeze
19 years ago
Lindi, what a blessing for your mother to respond as she did today... May she continue to adjust well and be given lots of love and good care. She is fortunate to have a daughter who loves her and will be there for her.
PeaBee4
19 years ago
I can't help but remember one of the old posters here. She was going through about the same thing as you are. Finally, she put her mother in a nice family type home. Her mother greeted the attendents like old friends and as Our Poster was leaving, she overheard her mother ask the attendent, "Who was that woman?" It was then, that in her heart knew that she had done the right thing. We'll never know what goes on with the thought process that they have.
chelone
19 years ago
I'm so happy to hear your news, Glitter.

My own experience with "rehab." facilities was so negative I recoil with horror at the prospect of having to place Mum in one. Your experience has given me some hope that it won't be calamatous when/if it becomes time.

Thanks, I really needed to hear something positive about LTC! and I'm so glad you're feeling good about the choice to place your mother.

(((Hugs)))
sharlee
19 years ago
Linda, Yes! Yes! It does work when the timing is right, doesn't it?
Am very happy you & your sweet Mother are having a pleasant experience & that peace has come to you.

Sharlee

Mom's admission to LTC

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