How do I handle this?

19 years ago

Mum lives with me. She still owns a home, though. It didn't take long before people began politely nosing around to see what the status of the house was... for sale, about how much, etc., etc.. I understand the curiosity; if you don't ask the question you might miss an opportunity... .

BUT. One gal has contacted me by phone (I was polite but curt; we aren't interested in selling), followed up with a letter (big time "touchy feely", and to which I did NOT respond) and I just received another today.

I'm annoyed. I was politely brusque and she has not taken the hint. I am even more annoyed that she obtained my address via the woman who took over my mother's former position. I am not sure how to deal with sort of solicitation... got any ideas?

Comments (5)

PeaBee4
19 years ago
About all you can do is ignore it. One thought....have you checked with her insurance carrier? Some policies will refuse to pay for anything that happens to an unoccupied house. You might want to look into special coverage. I know that the coverage on my aunt's house was canceled when they found out she was in a nursing home even though a member of the family was still living there. Their stand was that the OWNER of the house was not there.
fairegold
19 years ago
Ignore the person. 'Nuff said

BUT! You probably need to look into estate planning, and your Mother's assets and the impact of her assets on her status for health care assistance, etc. It might be better to sell her home and turn her assets into 'liquid' as in cash. But this is the time to talk to an attorney who specializes in eldercare and trust issues. Seriously, these matters are best not left to chance.

But still, if you care to sell the property, go about it in a realistic fashion, and interview several real estate agents who specialize in the community.
Related Discussions
How do I handle relationship with rude 13 year old stepdaughter?
Q
Comments (8)
Maybe she needs to see you as a real person, not just something that is occupying her father's attention. When my husband and I married I moved into their home, my husband's and the children's. It was the house that him and his ex-wife lived in and it was the only home that the children have ever known (not pleasant for me (ugggh!!) but at least the kids didn't have another change to cope with in addition to our marriage, which was already a significant change). My oldest stepdaugther had assumed the role of being the "woman" of the house and I could tell that in some instances she felt that I was stepping on her toes. I didn't want to give her too much power given that she was 12 years old at the time but I wanted her to know that her opinion mattered and that I was listening. When we decided to decorate the home the girls and I went shopping together and I showed them what I was looking for. It may not have been exactly how she wanted to decorate but both girls helped pick out decor and we were all happy with the outcome. I have used this as a guide with everything, from decorating to rule making to discipline. I always ask their advice, their opinion. They are free to express how they are feeling on all topics and often change my mind (which happens often!!!), however, my husband and I make the final decision. And even when its not in their favor they know that I fully understood and respect their point of view and they do the same for me. I personally feel that I have exceptional stepchildren (okay, so I'm a bit biased!!) but I think that all children would like to know that they are important and that their thoughts and wishes are taken into consideration. Have you gone shopping with your stepdaughter? Most girls LOVE shopping and that would be a huge icebreaker. Do things with her that interest her, get to really know her, her likes and dislikes, her fears, etc. My stepdaugthers sometimes do things that I don't like or they may hurt my feelings unintentionally but I've gotten to the point where I can go and plop on their bed and say "hey, I'm feeling...".
...See More
Moldings are such a pain: how do I handle them please?
Q
Comments (9)
What's the emoticon for rolling eyes... really? I don't know where the camera is and I don't think it would help too much would it? It's just a hole in the wall that I'm wanting to fill with cabinets, if I can possibly afford it still... I could post my plans that I'm working up; would that help?? OK, was that enough complaining? Here's a shot of one of the cavities. This one is titled "Inside one, linens" on the plans that follow below: In the picture above let me hasten to add that while our framers left much to be desired, even they were not as poor as the photo implies; the lens is just distorted at the edges. These are fairly straight lines in reality. And it's hard to see what's going on. Believe it or not all walls are the same dusty blue. The molding is on the edge that turns inside the cavity; the other edge at 90-degress, the outside of the cavity which is really a short hall, shows up as yellow in color. It's not though. So all that molding is at right angles to the "yellow" part, and would be in the way of a built in. I've sort of decided I have to use a spacer over that part and just start the drawers inset from the molding, waste though that is. On the other side which has no molding up top because it's just a wall, there is molding at the base which I'll remove altogether. Here's another shot that shows the lip of the edging. It's actually in a squirelly corner in a different room (laundry room), but the molding is the same and the problem is the same; I want to build a cabinet into that corner too: So I've pretty much decided I just have to fill all these spaces out with filler, eh? So annoying... And so what about this one -- you can see how I've cut away the ply wood that's serving as a temporary "vanity". That can't be done down the whole length of a cabinet; I think I've got to lose space behind a filler there too. I had no idea when one chose molding this would force so many other decisions!? I am decisioned out and just plain don't want to make this one. That's why I've done nothing for over a year now.... Anyway, I'd appreciate some guidance. This shouldn't be so difficult, there must be just some rule and I'd appreciate it being stated definitively: "no, thinking outside the box will cause whiplash and wind you right back inside of it anyway; there's no way out of this: slap in some wasteful filler and call it a day".... sigh. TIA.
...See More
How Do I Handle This One??
Q
Comments (48)
How did Mrs. Nosy find out about the lapband surgery in the first place? Did Kim tell her? If she found out by overhearing the staff talking, then Kim has a right to complain. If Kim told her in a patient to patient conversation, then it puts a different light on the whole topic. My guess is a lot of this started as friendly conversations in the waiting room and now it has gotten out of hand with a lot of jealousy thrown in. I can tell you that in the NICU waiting room, there is a lot of parent to parent conversations and comparing of babies and their conditions that goes on. When parents get together with one another on a daily basis, they get quite familiar with the medical conditions of each others babies. It isn't the staff that is telling them. They have eyes and ears and do get nosy too. It does become a problem. We don't know that the staff has conversed with Mrs. Nosy about Kim. They may have reminded her that they can't discuss Kim. We also don't know that the staff knows what is going on in the waiting room. If it were me, I would say to her, "You know it really bothers me that you continue to criticize how I look when I am really feeling quite well. Please keep these comments to yourself as my health is private." If it continues, then I would take it further. My only other suggestion would be to ask if your dialysis times can be changed so that you don't run into her.
...See More
How do I handle these weeds?
Q
Comments (9)
Between digging & smothering, I'm doing everything I can to get rid of our mowed areas, which have no "real grass," just this hideous bahiagrass, Bermuda, St. Augustine, nutgrass, some kind of Japanese grassy weed... nothing worthy of being mowed, (a hideous chore forced onto every homeowner) & called a lawn.
...See More
chelone
Original Author
19 years ago
We have taken care of the insurance issue.

We have also dealth with estate planning with respect to the house. But they are points that are important and subtlties that so many miss in the transition from a self-sufficient life to a life that requires the care of others.

Thanks for your thoughts, guys.
lasershow
19 years ago
Good Lord, people never cease to amaze me. This pushy woman is apparently so dense that she will not get the message unless you say it upfront. So do so. "Please do not contact us again" if she calls and "Return to Sender" if she mails you another letter.
heydeborah
19 years ago
interesting question!! i too would put refused and send it back to her! as ann landers says you can't let people take advantage of you. also i am a sucker for the religious groups that come to our door at least twice a week -- i several written signs that i hang on our door, they are: sleeping do not disturb, migrane do not knock, we all have the flu, do not knock. i just change them up, everyday, sounds like i'm perinoid doesn't it, but i stupidly stand there and listen to these folks!!, after a month of these signs (and of course tell your friends they can knock at any time, except for me the girl one house over, that likes to bring her 2 and 4 year over, and i will say is dense, i don't let her in because i love my nick-nacks and they touch everything) they started skipping our house. also tell her your lawyer will contact her when the time is appropriate and not before. as for me, it doesn't pay to be nice! let us know what happens! debbie

How do I handle this?

Comments (5)

PeaBee4

fairegold

Related Discussions

chelone
Original Author

lasershow

heydeborah

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

How do I handle this?

Comments (5)

PeaBee4

fairegold

Related Discussions

cheloneOriginal Author

lasershow

heydeborah

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

chelone
Original Author