Well I went through a stage with my dad, the FINAL stage, when he was doing this all the way from the bedroom to his bathroom. He did not remember any of it. Your mom was aware of what happened, so it could just have been an "accident". I hate to admit it, but there have been times when even I was just walking, and bam I had to go. I even admit to not making it all the way to the potty. :)
She may have thought she had a bit of "gas" and it wasn't, so humor sounds good to me, only if it started happening on a regular basis would I get upset and worried.

Oh the poor thing...how awful to be aware of it and be so embarrassed. Sometimes it does come on them all of a sudden, and as we age we sometimes lose "tone" down in that area. The result is that even if you DO feel it coming, you can't always control it until you get to the bathroom.

If it starts happening all the time, I'd be concerned, but for now just accept it as an accident. Bear in mind, however, that she may have more of these accidents as time goes on.

This is how it started with my mother. At first she would try so hard to clean up....once was in the BR 2 hours, my Dad told me. It is sad , and hard for them. Gradually she got so she was unaware of the entire thing. Then we started the "bowel routine" and that helped. Sounds like you handeled it gracefully... Derry

Derry,
What is the "bowel routine"?

Mimi i love the way you handled this, with class! i was impressed! i will admit that al has had alot of these accidents and is very,very embarassed, i just what can you do, it happens (but last week he had many,many accidents and it seemed like i was washing sheets forever. i buy alot of sheets from the Salvation Army, which is my favorite store, because most of the stuff is new, where else can you pick up new queen size sheets for 1.99? and i buy just single flat sheets, if things get too stained i just throw them away. I'm also lucky to get new depends from there also a bag (not opened) is usually 3.99! and i'm lucky they like me there and they keep them for me! so al wears them all the time, he says i'm so embarassed to be wearing diapers, i say they aren't diapers -- they're men's personal items! makes him laugh alot! also he uses a urinal because he is bed-ridden, he says i betcha you never though you'd be doing this. debbie

Mimi, this is something I have to deal with quite often...I think the problem is that they may not make it to the bathroom on time...I know my uncle doesn't sometimes. I think sometimes he also thinks it is "gas." I can't really say if this is the start of something else, but right now I would just chalk it up to an "accident." I think you handled it just right...

Mimi, wise words all around. When this started for my Mom, she knew it was happening, and said she didn't get to the bathroom on time, didn't "feel" she had to go, or thought it was gas. She became very careful to not make that mistake again and was up and into the washroom many times a day. She could still tidy up after herself at that point.

Later on, she had more minor 'accidents'..almost like a leakage, which we attributed to a more lax sphyncter muscle, plus her bowel movements were getting more looser. She felt much better, more relaxed when we started using pull-up briefs, particularly at night. Urinary dribbles also started about that time, also. She was still able to pull them down and go to the washroom, tidy up, and pull them back on.

In the next phase, she seemed to lose the association between her bowel movements and what to do next. She'd make it to her washroom, and when she'd wipe herself, she didn't seem to know what to do next; one day I went in and found a rolled-up potty paper in her hand that she was trying to put into her bathrobe pocket, and asked her what it was. She tried hiding it from me, but I took it away and it was a soiled tissue from her bm. Since then, she'd wipe herself (and I'd also tidy her up, as she needed more cleaning; those "KIDS" wet wipes in the bright pink containers near the diapers are disposable in the potty, and a great help!)...anyway...after she'd wiper herself, she didn't know what to do with the soiled tissue.

That's a little synopsis of the phases she went through, just fyi. However, with your Mom just having one incident, your humour was perfect (what would we do without it!), and just let the incident drop for now. If you find this progresses, consider briefs for the night: my Mom was so afraid of soiling her bed, and those were a blessing!

Just keep your peepers open to changes, and buy a box of vinyl gloves and "KIDS" wet wipes! ;-D

HTH!

Blessings
Linda

I actually tried to talk to her about the Depends, because after the accident she was pretty upset and embarrassed and kept talking about it. She also went to the bathroom two times within an hour (very unusual for her) just to make sure she didn't have another accident. So I tried to "gently" talk to her about the Depends and tell her in that way, she needn't worry if it did happen again (she felt so bad for me -- the clean up...I just kept saying it's really no big deal, you did it for me, now it's my turn). Her answer to me about the diapers was "no way! If I need them, then it's time I go to a nursing home!" I told her that's not happening now. I guess that's what is difficult about this stage, her being aware of what is happening and that is what bothered her the most, that she didn't realize that it was happening. Oh well, as you all stated, this will happen again. I did get her to agree to putting on a sanitary napkin "just in case"...like that would have done anything at all last nite, lol I think I will get a box of the diapers and just keep them in the house...maybe mention them when I'm getting her ready for bed at nite...
As far as not knowing what to do with the toilet paper, my daughter in law's grandmother has dementia and is living with her daughter...she goes to the bathroom, wipes herself and throws the toilet paper out the window!!! I guess things can always be worse!! We really need our sense of humor!!
And Deb, how lucky for you to have the Salvation Army nearby with such great prices...I'll have to check into that and see where one is located.....thanks everyone!!! Mimi

On might when my mother was with us, we kept hearing the water in the bath going on and off, on and off. Finally I went to see what she was doing. She had used the toilet, no problem, but had somehow forgotten how to flush it. All she could figure out was that it needed water in the bowl. so she was filling up her shoe and pouring it in the toilet. She thought it was very smart of me to know how to use that little handle. Funny now, but pitiful then.

Mimi...Sanitary napkins are NO help for BM and little for urine. Try the Poise pads, or a similar incontinence pad for urine leaks.For BM accidents, you will need the Depends
(like) incontinent Briefs.
A bowel routine is a way of scheduling BMs so that they are predictable. Usually it is a simple matter of figuring out the usual time one has a BM, or what is her natural stimulus. Some folks "go" after bkfst daily, some after coffee, etc. Put the person on the potty and give her time to do it....much like with a child. Sometimes, you move up to actually stimulating a BM with a glycerine suppository, or a nightime dose of a mild laxative, then putting the person on the potty after the appropriate amount of time. It takes some patience to "train" the bowel to that stimulus, but is really just causing a BM at a convenient time so it is predictable. It is a widely used method for those with no bowel control.
For my mom, we started out with getting back to her long-time habit of going after breakfast. As her disease progressed and she lost total recognition, we stepped up to stronger techniques. In the final years, I gave her a glycerine supp. and put her on the bedside commode. It usually worked. Also avoid things that are natural laxatives for her, of course.
Good luck with this. It is a difficult issue, and I know it is disturbing to her. Sounds like she is mostly "with it"....I wouldn't stress the diapers yet. I took a clean-up pack every where we went, tho. I'm sure you would not call them diapers to her...dispsable underwear is a convenient term. At some sad point, she will accept them.
Take care.....Derry

My mother and I just called them "pads." She would never buy them for herself; I would always buy them. She began wearing them after she was in rehab the first time, for her broken hip, exactly 2 years ago. They put them on every patient, pretty much. She had had accidents at home before, but since I didn't live with her, I was not aware of it unless it happened when I was around or unless she mentioned it (which she seldom did).

After she returned home from rehab, she wore them all the time, but complained they were very hot. I can see where they would be, because the material (at least the Depends) doesn't really breathe. Then she started putting her underpants on UNDERNEATH the Depends because she said it felt better and the Depends were too itchy!! I told her that the whole point of the "pad" was to protect her underwear in the first place.

Oh, PeeBee...what a story! I can just see my Mom trying something like that! Sad, but....we have to chuckle, don't we?

As for Depends, we call them 'briefs'. There are also larger 'pads' like sanitary napkins that go in briefs, that perhaps your Mom wouldn't mind at night..for HER piece of mind...

Good luck...yes, it's difficult before they truly accept what they can and cannot do....unfortunately, this too will pass....

Blessings
Linda

What amazes me is how mom remembers things that affect her emotionally...here we are, almost 24 hours later and she is still mentioning it. I do realize that emotions are stored in another area of the brain, different from short term memory; it still surprises me when she remembers something a day later. I do plan to go out and get the "disposable underwear" and poise pads and hopefully, I can convince her to wear them at least at nite so she doesn't have to worry.
Derry, thank you for your thorough explanation; I will be sure to remember and start to pay close attention to her BM schedule.
Thanks everyone and take good care, Mimi

Over the past few days, mom has continued to have "little accidents"...nothing like the first one, yet enough to have to clean up. The only thing she agreed to wear was a sanitary napkin, which of course, is useless for a BM accident, but I let it go, since she was so embarassed. Yesterday, when I got back from work, I noticed a pair of underwear that had been washed out and hung on the bathtub...she obviously had another BM accident. I asked her caretaker and she said she didn't know, but thought something was going on, because mom was in the bathroom for quite a while. When she knocked on the door to help, mom sent her away stating she was fine. I waited until she left, then sat down with mom and asked her about the underwear...she said she didn't know what I was talking about, so either she forgot or didn't want to admit it to me. When she got up, I noticed a light stain on her pants, so I took her upstairs, took off her pants and showed them to her and said this is from when you had that little accident and had to wash out your underwear...she didn't say anything and I dropped it. Last night, before going to bed, I brought in a pair of disposable underwear by Depends and told her I wanted her to wear them just at night so then she didn't have to worry if she happened to have a little accident. I showed her the padded area and how soft they are (I can't believe how nice they are making them now...they used to be bulky and plastic, now they almost feel like cotton) and I said "NO ONE is going to know you are wearing these" she said "OK, but please don't tell anyone"...how sad for her to realize she now needs these, but I know within a very short time this too will just be part of our routine and she won't give it a thought. Oh! I almost forgot! I also bought her a new goose down pillow, something she had asked me for a while back and I forgot about, so after undressing for bed and dealing with the Depends, I immediately changed the subject and said "wait til you see what I bought for you!!!" and I showed her the pillow....she was thrilled...just smiling and smiling and thanking me over and over...blessings to all, Mimi

Mimi, your dear Mom! She is lucky to have you to care about her like you do...I think it was a good sign that she agreed to wear the disposable undergarments, it will make it easier for both of you...best wishes to you and your Mom.

Patti..thanks for your good wishes...more good news!! When mom got up this morning, she went to the bathroom to get ready...I usually give her a little time by herself, then go in to see if she needs my help. When I got there, she already had her slacks on. I had planned to bring her a fresh pair of regular underwear thinking I'd ease her into the disposables, having her wear them only at night for now. Well, I walk in and ask how everything's going...then ask if she wanted to change her underwear and she says "no, I like these, they are very comfortable, they are clean and dry, I want to keep them on"....How do you like that??? I am thrilled, just thrilled...considering how tough some parts of our lives are as caregivers, I am on cloud 9 over this one!!! With love to all, Mimi

Mimi, Just a suggestion....I buy Mom's...Dad wears them too...he has accidents...at Sam's...big box...can't remember how many...you would think I could with all the times I have bought them...anyway....they are 22.00. Good to hear that it went easy for you with the depends. God Bless, Nora

Hi Nora,
Thanks for the suggestion. I bought a big box of them at Costco (same as Sam's) - 40 of them for $20.00...be well, Mimi

Hi Mimi, That is great....we don't have a Costco here....my daughter in Memphis said that they have great buys....when I visit her I would like to go. Hope all is well with you....just one day at a time....God Bless. Nora

Hi Mimi...you can order on-line from Costco, but that would involve postage. Sounds like you and your Mom on "on the same page". You handled it well, seems to me. Derry