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May I?

Posted by lindajewell (My Page) on
Wed, Apr 16, 08 at 18:19

Hi all, I am Linda J and years ago found this wonderful Garden Web community but mostly hung out at the Party. Now I come to you wondering it I might join in from time to time in your conversations. Guess I just need some one to talk to some times.

My situation:

My 59 year old brother is in a long term care nursing home with Parkinson's. I do his laundry and visit with him, use to take him out once in a while but his disease is progressed and I can no longer handle him.

My mom had a massive stroke in Dec. and is now going to be long term care nursing home...........she is paralyzed on the right side, can speak but not always "good" but can not use her right arm and has very limited feeling back in the right leg. Now I do her laundry and visit.

Mom and brother are not in the same nursing home, however I am working on resolving that issue.

Now my dad, he is legally blind and has mild dementia. When all this started in Dec. I took FMLA from work but soon realized that I would not be able to go back. Yes, I could put dad in a home or assisted living but he really does not want that. Plus I know it would kill him..........
So, at the end of March I gave up my job and am in the process of giving up my apartment, which I love. It has been very rough over the last several months and I have found that unless some one has been through, or is going through some thing similar, others just don't always understand the stress.

I am very fortunate that my dad is just "forgetful" but is easy to care for..........for the most part. I help him shower, pick out his clothes (mainly because he is blind and would look like heck if I didn't) fix his meals, give him his meds and so on. I have POA over all 3 of them so must handle all situations.

Okay, that is the reader's digest version of my life

Linda J

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: May I?

Hi LindaJ.
It's so good to see you posting again even though things don't seem to be going so well for you. the GP misses you!

Any chance of perhaps getting Mom and Dad in the same room in the NH? Some places are set up so that this can be done. With dementia, there is no way of knowing just how fast he will go down. It may be that he would enjoy being close to her.

Take care of yourself. They need you, but you can only do so much!

RE: May I?

Actually my mom asked him that question one day........would you like to be here with me.........his response? Not particullary!
He is very content with the way things are right now and I am okay with taking care of him. I know the day will come when his dementia may get worse and will face that day head on, but for now he is on Aricept and it does seem to be helping. He knows every one that comes to see him, enjoys going out to dinner and have a beer.......some times two! So for now I will play the hand God has dealt me. Guess I just am not ready to face my entire family being in a nursing home.........

Linda J

RE: May I?

Hi Linda!

I used to post on this forum but got away for a long time. My mother had to go into a nursing facility and I have the care of my younger brother who is Downs. The stress can often get to you in ways you don't expect. You're right, not everyone understands. It's the little things most often that get to you. I am glad your situation is working with your dad. Whatever you do, don't let yourself get so far down because the climb back up can be very difficult. I would suggest you look into care for a break now and then. Resentment has been my worst enemy. That and the fact that I have an 11 dd that has suffered because of the changes. I have 2 brothers and one helps out some and the other I have written off. Sad but things like this bring out the best and worst in others.
I hope you can get your mom and brother in the same facility. That would be so good for them and you. Driving with gas prices is getting to be a luxury.
Take care and God Bless.

RE: May I?

You sure have a lot on your plate. Please take care of yourself too. Bless you for what you are doing for your family.

RE: May I?

Right now I can not even think about taking care of me. I have to get my place moved by the end of the month and it seems like there is still so much to do. I have been bringing box upon box of stuff over and there is still I really need to dig up some of my flowers before I leave, I have several daylilies that are very important to me.

Linda J

RE: May I?

Oh Linda you really do have a full plate. I am so sorry that you have to go through that. I do know as I have been a caregiver for 9 years and been at home that you STILL have to care for yourself. I didn't seem to do that and became depressed because of it and didn't even know that I was depressed. I have to make myself do things for me. I also have 3 girls at home so it makes it hard.

Find things that you enjoy doing and make time for them. See if you can find someone to take care of your dad for a few hours a week and go have dinner with a friend, or movie. If you have a hobby still do it and don't put it aside.

Are you moving to your parents house?

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