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Violent Husband

Posted by jannie (My Page) on
Tue, Apr 6, 10 at 12:14

My husband has Multiple Sclerosis. It's advanced and he has memory/dementia issues also. He sees a psychiatrist and is taking Aricept and Namenda for the dementia. After waiting a year for FDA approval, he just started a new medication for MS. It's called Ampyra and is supposed to help with walking and fatigue. He's been on it about 2 weeks. I am his caregiver. This morning I laid out all his pills, he asked "Where is my Ampyra?" I said, you already took it, I said no you didn't, things escalated, he picked up the Ampyra bottle and thrw it across the room. The cap popped off and the pills scatterd. WE picked them up together but when I counted two pills are still missing. I threatened to call the police, telling him "You're crazy." I stormed out of the house and went for a walk. I returned to find him in the bedroom, sitting and watching TV. I've become generally frightened of him. He's never acted up about taking his medications before.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Violent Husband

"I am his caregiver."

Part of the job is knowing when you're over your head. Not saying you are -- and I certainly don't know the totality of the situation -- but what you wrote sounds to me like you're closer to the edge than you may know. Single events seldom describe overall situations but I suggest you be wary of your husband and of your own abilities and composure. Thing that happened was not good.


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RE: Violent Husband

I agree with asolo. I would find out if there were any side effects to his medication that might cause a change in his mood. When we put my MIL on Aracept, within two weeks I noticed a very negative change in her. She became " verbally agressive" for lack of a better term to describe it. I immediately notified her Dr and took her in to see him. We added Nameda and within a few days, she was pretty much back to her ole sweet self. I know this isn't much help, but it's a place to start. I wish you much luck.


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RE: Violent Husband

I'll phone the doctor who prescribed DH's medications. He takes Aricept and Namenda and recently added a new medication for MS called "Ampyra". He takes seven or eight different mediucations.I do think it might be the combination of everything.


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RE: Violent Husband

Jannie, Please keep us posted on your situation. Even though my MIL is doing so much better, she still has periods of intense confusion and withdraw. I can tell when we are hitting a bad patch because she begins to look at me with a "sly" eye, and gets "snippy" with me. I'm afraid her dementa is progressing and no one has any idea how things are going to turn out. I can handle the lack of mobility, the incontenence, the confusion, the mood swings and her inability to take care of her most personal needs without my assistance. But...as much as I love her, I cannot and will not handle violence from her. Caregiving is stressfull enough without throwing fear into the mix.
Years ago, I worked in a nursing home. I've seen seemingly sweet adorable (confused) little 'ole ladys haul off and kick, bite, swing their fists like a prize fighter, out of the blue, no rhyme or reason. Sometimes it's just a progression of the disease.
I really hope medication adjustments will help your situation, but I know the violence issue is in the back of your mind, as it is mine. Please do keep us posted and I'm thinking good thoughts your way.


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RE: Violent Husband

I stopped my husband AZ meds because of the side effects, he had bleeding ulcers and because the pharmacist said all of the AZ meds are experimental, none have been proven to help. Be very careful, my sister's neighbor had AZ and he was the nicest most gentle man you could ever meet, until the AZ started. He knew he was going to die and he tried to take her with him. He had her on the floor choking her to death. She is very lucky to have survived.


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RE: Violent Husband

My FIL had Alzheimers. Here is a website that helped us deal with some of the issues he faced. www.elderrage.com/mission.htm

There are plenty of links that may be helpful.

Here is an excerpt from the author's book, Elder Rage–or–Take My Father...Please! How to survive caring for aging parents
by Jacqueline Marcell

Eldercare / Alzheimer’s Speaker, Author, Radio Host, Caregiver Advocate

JACQUELINE'S ELDERCARE MISSION

"A few years ago, I was so compelled by the heart-wrenching experience of caring for my elderly parents (both with Alzheimer’s which was not properly diagnosed for over a year), I gave up my 15-year career as a television executive to become an advocate for eldercare awareness and reform. In the beginning, my once-adoring father turned verbally and physically abusive towards me, and I was heartbroken to have lost his love. But then it was so astonishing because every time I took him to a doctor—he could act completely normal when he needed to. It was an unbelievable nightmare for over a year, as I endured my father’s wrath while fighting through an unsympathetic medical system, but with sheer determination I finally solved the endless crisis—medically and behaviorally."


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RE: Violent Husband

That's a terrific book, and I've recommended it to several of my care-giver clients. I got my copy used from Amazon, and have lent it out often. I see that a seller on Amazon has a used one for 99 cents, plus 3.99 shipping. Totally worth it!

Here is a link that might be useful: Elder Rage


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