"My brother got power of attorney..."

If this is only medical power, disregard the following.

Assuming this is general/durable power of attorney, your problems are over because its all on your brother's shoulders. He would be thus empowered to act on her behalf. However the "on her behalf" part can be subject to challenge if someone thinks he's rather doing things for his own benefit instead. With a total value of goods described as a few thousand dollars, nobody with brain is going to mount any legal challenge, so your problem is likely limited to family discord....which his taking of the desk obviously has triggered.

Also, given the "few thousand" value, I wouldn't recommend any kind of sale. There's not enough cash recovery available to get excited. If your brother's determination is that the items need to go so the house can be sold, I'd suggest allowing the various members to have whatever keepsakes they may want, then sell the rest. Your brother will still have decisions to make about items more than one person may want, but that's his problem/duty. From your description, there's no way everybody's going to be happy -- they almost never are. Hopefully they may be respectful and gracious concerning his decisions.

As far as I can tell, he has power of attorney over her checkbook too.

By all means, let each of the grandchildren take something from their grandmother's house. If her belongings don't have a huge value, what would a couple of hundred dollars difference make. I might even give them several pieces, so that their children could have something from their great grandmother -- even if they aren't born yet!!!

I would even consider having some sort of expert looking at her belongings. My good friend's mother had a doll collection that turned out to be worth $20,000+. Everyone was staggered by that amount. E-bay is a good place to start.

My mother is in a nursing home. Most of her things were given to the grandchildren, or sold off. It didn't amount to much money, either way.

Now, I don't want to think about what happens when my MIL dies. She has lovely things, but mostly, all of her children and grandchildren would want the things because they were her things. She is a lovely woman, and I can see that having somethings from her would be important to the grandchildren -- I know my children would like a few tokens.

I would suggest that any gift given to you mother go back to the giver, if it is something easily identified as such. I know that we have given my MIL some lovely things that had a lot of thought put into their purchase. I would love to have them back to pass to our children and grandchildren.

First lesson - talk to your siblings! Everybody's got different ideas and you can show your kids that yeah, their parents actually can act like adults and compromise for the good of Grandma. Because, really, this is about HER, not about anybody else.

My oldest sister died and although it wasn't a large estate, some feelings definitely got hurt amongst family members because we didn't have the courage to actually talk to one another during what was a stressful time. Big mistake that I hope you will not repeat.

The grandkids are not entitled to anything, really. Grandma's finances seem okay but there's no guarantee, is there? Even a couple of thousand $$ might be important, you just never know.

A used desk, as you rightly pointed out, isn't worth much. Suggest that you and your sister can take ONE item each, worth no more than $50, for someone who might need said item.

Then it should be hands-off until she dies. Separate the heirlooms, documented by your brother with photographs, appraisal worth, and location - it's fine for a family member to store them, but if possession wants to turn into ownership someday, that item's value will be deducted from their share of the estate when Grandma dies. Every 5 yrs the pieces should be re-appraised for valuation purposes. Loss or damage again is deducted from the heir's portion.

The remainder can be sold via garage sale or through one of companies that professionally handles these types of sales. We used a pro, it's amazing how even the junkiest items were worth a couple of dollars to some bargain hunter.

Take out the emotion and handle this as what it is - a business affair. Family business, but still business.

"As far as I can tell, he has power of attorney over her checkbook too."

This is likely "durable general power of attorney" and is quite common. It allows another designated person to handle the incompetent persons affairs on their behalf.

Suggest doing a google search using those words in order to learn about it. The assumption of the document is that the person given the power will act in the maker's interest to the best of their ability as the person would if they were competent to do so. The power ends at death. Thereafter, the executor or "personal representative" named in the will takes over.

I suspect if he has that power he also likely has medical power. It would be well for other family members to know these things so everyone understands who's in charge. Given the controversy you've already described, the knowledge would likely settle things down a bit. I would encourage your brother to disclose the state of affairs to everyone early rather than springing it on them during some incident or argument.

Here's a suggestion: put a price tag on everything. You're going to to do this if you have a garage sale anyway, right? Look up on e-bay or Craig's List the typical value of the items, and try to assign a fair price to everything. For the more valuable items, take your sister's wishes into account and have them appraised by a neutral third party. Then give each family member some amount of money, say $500. This isn't real money, it's a credit. Everyone can use their credit to "buy" the items they want from the house.

If more than one person wants to buy the same item, perhaps your brother will need to step in to make the decision on who gets it.

Your nephew who got the desk starts with $10 subtracted from his credit.

If one family member doesn't want to "buy" anything, then give that person his or her share of the credit from the proceeds of the garage/estate sale.

Will that work for your family?

My sister's daughter was picking out what she wanted while my Mom lay dying just 6 ft from her. Grand kids should not even be considered in this. Personally I think if you let anyone pick anything you are going to have a war on your hands. Look at what happened when the son took a $10 desk for his son. You should try and settle this with your siblings, if they can agree...call in someone that does estate sales and sell it all. Be very careful selling the doll collection, do not sell them to the person that appraises them. I had 850 dolls and the most valuable ones were the hard plastic ones from the 40's and 50's, not the porcelain ones. I sold some outfits for those hard plastic dolls for as much as $500 each.

For years I worked for an auctioneer. Complete estates would be put into the auction and family members would bid for the items they wanted (sometimes against family) and the items they didn't want would go for fair value. The proceeds of the sale would be divided up amongst the heirs and each would pay for their items out of the proceeds. I never saw a family that didn't see this as a fair and equitable way to divide up the estate.

"Now, honestly, all the valuables add up to perhaps a couple or three grand...."

As an auctioneer, would you even show up for your percentage of that value? Otherwise, agree with the concept.

In my area all the auctioneers work on consignments in their own barn. People bring in lots that are worth $100 on up. We can have as many as 20-30 different lots in an evening and everything sells from household goods to antiques and heirlooms.

I would not do an auction, an estate sale would be better. People will see a sale sign going to the grocery store and may never read about the auction notice in the newspaper.

I agree that jewelry, doll and china collection must be looked at by a professional. You never know, after watching those "Antique Road Shows", what treasures you might find - just because they dont make things anymore like they used to. IF they are worth good chunk, sell it and put the money into her funds. You never know what disaster will strike and what SHE will need. Money is like water, and She is still alive. You all have your own families and houses to take care of.

Dont waste her money on storage. Sell it now and then sell the house.
I also agree that if anyone has any sentimental feeling or wants to have something from her things, let them take and keep - years later you will regret just selling it to strangers. Just apply the same rules to all - either all take 1-2 items for free as memory, or all pay fare value. My husband's grandpa just gifted me his mother's (great grandma for my husband) chain watch, it was all broken, not working, I spent $80 to repair it, and it is worth maybe $80-100. BUT it has her name and date that it was gifted, etc. so it is a part of family history and I am the only female in the family who is interested in keeping it.

Re the family issue - I do agree that you as parents need to set example to your kids - get them out of the picture and discussion until three siblings agree on what to do, and clarify what legal role your brother plays. What a shame that they dont go to see grandma but got their eyes set on the STUFF. And please, if all argument is about $10 desk, have the kid pay for it. Teach them to earn things just like grandma did. Teach them lessons now, even though it maybe too late if they are grown up as you describe them.