This is a subject so terribly fraught with spectres of greed, avarice, controversy that it's often difficult to be really honest when discussing it. I tip my hat to Nancy in Mich. for stepping up to the mike and asking me WHY my brother and I arrived at the decision we did. It's important that those questions be asked and that they be answered. I worry a lot about this. I worry that Mum will deteriorate to such an extent that she cannot remain with me or my brother, in a setting that is familiar to her, surrounded with things and pets that she "remembers". I have seen the interior of nursing homes and "rehabilitation" facilities 3 times. Only one of the 3 was "acceptable", the other two were so pathetically inadequate I wouldn't send a hated enemy there. And it wasn't for lack of funding... (heaven knows Mum was a "cash cow"! spry, pleasant, and cooperative)it was for lack of QUALIFIED staffing. Those workers "in the trenches", were largely immigrant, working for minimum wage (probably without any benefit package, too), and barely able, with their broken English, to communicate with wards barely able to comprehend the spoken word, let alone that spoken with a thick accent, no matter how affectionately! THEY were the real treasures! they were attentive, affectionate, and virtually ignored by more "educated" staff. The most PATHETIC employees were the vaunted RNs, PTs... no kidding! I have, NEVER, in my life met a more arrogant, selfish, unwilling cadre of "caregivers". I was embarrassed for THEM; they were nearly universally unwilling to do ANYTHING that remotely required "hands on" work. "I'll call an aid"; "I have other duties to attend to...". "Could you call me later?" (needless to say they didn't "do" e-mail). Oh, I've heard it all. And that's why Mum is with me and my brother and NOT in one of those hell-holes. $60-80K/yr. for THAT? I rather think not. But families willing to do the work to keep them at home can't be compensated? HUH?! Welcome to life, corporate America runs this country, make no mistake about it. But consider this: you wouldn't have wanted to be the RN on "duty" (eating her doughnut behind the counter at "reception"!) when my brother arrived at 11:30 AM on Saturday morning, the day after Mum was transferred. She was lying in bed, soaked in urine (failed urostomy appliance), unfed. He coolly told the RN to get her ass in the room and take care of it. He went next to the administrator's office. From that day on, he and I went to visit Mum EVERY SINGLE DAY for 5 weeks to "check up" on her care. I HAD TO TEACH THOSE RNs HOW TO CHANGE AN UROSTOMY APPLIANCE. (Wingate) There is one level of employee I hold in greater contempt, though. And that's the SOCIAL WORKER. Never, in my life, have I seen a greater waste of payroll than they. I have had the (dis)pleasure to deal with 7 in the past 3 years. ONLY ONE of them was helpful in any meaningful way. Frankly, the other 6 could have been nicely replaced with a WEBSITE. The one that was helpful is someone with whom I still maintain contact. She has remained a tried, true, and good friend. When you find a good one, stick with them! Am I angry? You bet. Why? because the whole system is set up to milk families of their assets even as they "tell" families they can't possibly "take adequate care" of much loved elders. The entire system is stacked against those of us who are willing to care for our families. Mark my words, this is the coming battleground and I'll be well finished with it in a few short years. Me? I've joined the Hemlock Society!

missingtheobvious is correct. In New York, the supreme court is the court of general jurisdiction that hears cases. It is the opposite of most states and the opposite of the federal court system. I have a law degree but don't practice law and am not well versed in estate law. THIS IS NOT LEGAL ADVICE. However, as far as I know, she can't come after you personally. She can only make a claim on the estate. I believe if the estate is probated already and sufficient time has passed without her making a claim on the estate, she is out of luck. See e.g. http://codes.lp.findlaw.com/nycode/SCP/18 § 1802. Effect of failure to present claim If any claim is not presented on or before the day fixed in the notice published pursuant to the preceding section or if no notice is so published, within 7 months from the date of issue of letters, the fiduciary shall not be chargeable for any assets or moneys that he may have paid in good faith in satisfaction of any lawful claims or of any legacies or distributions to the legatees or distributees of the decedent before such claim was presented. Such 7 month period shall begin on the date letters were first issued to any fiduciary, including a temporary administrator or a preliminary executor, and shall not be interrupted by any subsequent issue of letters, except that the time during which there is no fiduciary in office shall not be counted as part of such period. and § 1803: Every claim against the estate of a decedent other than claims for expenses of administration and claims of the United States or the state of New York must be in writing, contain a statement of the facts upon which it is based and the amount thereof. In addition the fiduciary may require the claimant to present proof by affidavit that the amount of the claim is justly due, that all payments thereon, if any, have been credited, that the claimant knows of no offsets and no evidence of indebtedness and holds no security, except as specifically described in the affidavit.

Sue (Chemocurl), I did as you did. My husband chose to hire Fidelity for our financial investments while he was alive. I continued with the same company, location and advisor he chose before his death - I now live in Florida, but my portfolio is in Kansas. No one has ever asked me where I have other investments - I requested that everything be under one umbrella. I WANT all my money/finances in one place, so I can have it properly managed and tailored to my needs, AND I only have to look at one quarterly report. I trust Fidelity because my husband did, and they have taken very wonderful care of my file. It's much easier for ME to look at my financial growth (and value) with this quarterly report. I would not be able to keep up with multiple financial outlets - this works for me! My PFA calls me if he needs to change anything or ask any questions - we have a close personal working relationship and I am thankful for him (and his team)!

Mine has been a love affair for the most part. What I love about my Paperwhite is: *I can press down on a word and get an immediate definition. *I can buy a book in bed! Some days, I have to check out the daily deals before I get out of bed. They are so cheap that I have tried out authors I have been curious about but never wanted to invest big bucks on. This is huge. I discovered Dorothy Sayers (Nine Tailors) and am currently reading Georgette Heyer's, These Old Shades. I have also found some great sci-fi for a couple of dollars. *I can read in darkened rooms and don't have to be right by a lamp. *I love knowing how many minutes are left in a chapter and what percentage of a book is left. *I really appreciate being able to change the font size. Previous to getting my Paperwhite, I read a great book with tiny font size that strained my eyes at night. Also, I read one of those tall, narrow paperbacks that was so difficult to hold open and even so, I couldn't read the print in the middle at the center of the book. *I can return to previous chapters or pages with little difficulty. *We found that my hubby could download a free Kindle app to his Nexus pad and register on my account. He can access all my books. Actually, his app is much prettier than what I have but he has to charge his pad daily. I, only once a week or so. *I love reading the magazine, Science News, on my Paperwhite. I am sold, and I was a real resister, too. Paper books still have a place. Some books are so good you want a physical copy on your shelf. I haven't paid more than $3.99 for a book yet. For a newer book that I really want to read, I will get it on audio at Audible. Over all, I am so glad my family got me this device for my birthday.