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This is wearing me out....

Posted by Patti541 (My Page) on
Sun, Mar 13, 05 at 14:00

I am not very good at this, but I have gotten some good advice from this forum. I was a partial caregiver to my Mother (did her shopping, Dr. appts., bills, etc. for 16 yrs. until she passed away 6 years ago.) About 3 years ago my uncle had a stroke and was unable to return to his home. He also has Alzheimer's. My sister took care of him for 27 months until she reached her limit, and I took him into my home. He has been here for 8 months. It is difficult to get him to do anything...bathe, take his medicine, he is a very picky eater, wants three meals a day (but only what he wants to eat.) At this moment his breakfast is sitting on the table because he doesn't feel like eating it now. I alternately get mad at him and feel sorry for him. It's a difficult situation...I don't usually get on forums, but I know you are all going through trying situations and it does help to vent.

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: This is wearing me out....

How much time are you able to get away? Sounds like you need a bit more time. Are there any day care situations that would suit his needs in your area? I had been caregiving both my parents- dad has symptoms like ALz but luckily for us he is extremely cooperative(except for getting up during night to get dressed & wanting to eat several times a day since he doesn't remember that he already just finished eating)That included Thanksgiving feast! Your feelings are all valid ones & if you can get any assistance for some time away, a respite weekend- take it.Little breaks can be just the salve needed to face the next challenge.If anyone suggests they can help out for an hr., take them up on it immediately.My whole worrywort attitude changed once I was able to get more help in place on a regular basis. I felt like a hamster on a wheel. So be good to yourself & take it 1 day at a time.

RE: This is wearing me out....

My sister doesn't live far from me, and she still comes over when I need to get away, but that is usually just to do the things that need to be done (grocery shopping, my Dr. appts, etc.) I did the same thing for her when he was living at her home. I think that if he was not so uncooperative it would be a lot easier, and that was the difficulty she had with him also. He has a problem with fecal incontinence and is easily confused, so I don't know if an adult day care would work for him.

RE: This is wearing me out....

with adult day care- you'll never know if you don't look into it.

researching your options is one of the best 'bang for your buck' things you can do- and the sooner you do it, the better, especially with a condition that will worsen faster if not treated...

getting him to cooperate may mean a change in his schedule to one that HE is happier with- unfortunately, this isn't mere a bratty kid you can impose your own will on.

if he's still lucid part of the time, you might consider asking HIM was a fair schedule would be, I've found it's easier to get them to 'remember' that 'they' wanted something than that they 'agreed' to something.

RE: This is wearing me out....

There are adult daycare units that specifically work with memory-impaired individuals. Your local senior center or council on aging would have information on this. I'm sure they have dealt with fecal incontinence issues, as well, so just let them know everything that is going on.

The council on aging folks should be able to arrange some in-home assistance for YOU in terms of a home health aide for your uncle, caregiver support, etc. It is worth a phone call, definitely. These folks are connected to more resources than you can possibly imagine.

RE: This is wearing me out....

Thanks for your suggestions, they are greatly appreciated. I have called a place that does long term care in my area and they are sending someone out to assess the situation and advise me on what is needed.

RE: This is wearing me out....

Hi patti and welcome to the forum! I'm glad you're going to get an assessment and some advice. Let us know how it goes. ~abreeze

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