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ritaotay

What do you do when...

ritaotay
13 years ago

A little background first... May 10, 2007 hubby fell and broke his hip... Since then he has been diagnosed with a bit of heart damage from high cholesterol and high blood pressure, had some strokes causing some dementia, aortic aneurism ( found 18 months ago and big enough for surgery but he refuses to have it fixed ) and the arteries to his kidneys are narrowing... He walks as if he's 100 years old but manages to get up and down the stairs at least a dozen times a day, ( I'm lucky if I can make it 12 times a month )... I have been his only caregiver since the beginning, yet he has 5 brothers and sisters who don't even bother to call.

Anyway, the latest thing is: He talks as if his father is still alive, he died over 30 years ago.

The first time it happened I gently explained things to him, showed him proof and changed the subject... A while later he came into the room with is coat and shoes on saying he was going to check on Pa because he wasn't eating right... I tried explaining once again but he told me I was crazy and said if I didn't want to take him he'd go himself... I got dressed and took him to the old neighborhood to show him the house was gone... He recognized the area, even pointed out the house of a neighbor he used to help then promptly told me I was in the wrong area... I changed the subject and took him to get something to eat... That was it for a couple of months.

It's started up again and becoming a daily thing... I can't be taking him to the old neighborhood every day, explaining it to him is getting harder and harder and ignoring him only works for so long...

It's not as if he has full blown dementia, he's still learning new things and remembers everything they taught him at the rehab facility almost 4 years ago... Most of the time things are ok but lately.....

I suppose I should tell you that if he hadn't broke his hip and got sick we would have gone our separate ways in a couple of months... I tell you that because there are some times it seems as if he's doing things just to get attention... Like when it comes to changing his underwear, some times there isn't a problem, I hand him the clean clothes he changes and that's it... Other times he stands there looking at me as if to say what's going on, what's next, how do I do that... When I get so frustrated I walk away he does everything by himself in a matter of minutes... If I ask him to do something like get a screwdriver or the mail, no problem; if I tell him to hand me sometime he looks as if I'm talking in tongues... I know, I know, ask and tell are different but I always try to do it in a nice way...

I don't think I'll have any qualms about putting him in a nursing home when the time comes, other than the close to $50,000. a year cost ( won't be able to handle more than a year or two at the most ), but what do I do now...

I need some ideas on how to 'divert' his attention, and make it stick,

when he starts talking about Pa...

Rita

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