Alzheimer's is the cruelest thing ever...having a hard time
MonicaM43
11 years ago
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marie_ndcal
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agomaifleur01
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Alzheimer's is SO difficult!!
Comments (13)I agree that sometimes moving to an AD Facility is a symptom of a downturn and not the cause. IMO, though, it can also be a cause. Many people move to an AD facility when theyÂre already experiencing a downturn, and sometimes major change in their lives can cause a downturn. ThereÂs no way to know for sure. My dad landed in the ICU for a couple of weeks, transitioned to a full-blown nursing home for a couple of months, then moved into an assisted living facility. He experienced a major downturn. Any or all of these things could have contributed. But I do know this: he felt very angry and betrayed by having to give up his old life, his car, his dog and his freedom. He resented the transition from independent adult to child. This kind of stress can, and often does, cause a decline in AlzheimerÂs patients. When my father moves to the dementia ward, he will lose his last bit of freedom, which is so very important to him. I anticipate another decline. But heÂs in a decline right now, and a lot of the fight has gone out of him lately. The move may not impact him much. I hear yÂall about the whole "my grandmother had AlzheimerÂs" thing. We always think of our grandparents as elderly, but can remember our parents as the young, confident rulers of our universe they once were. A spouseÂs illness is a whole other level entirely. ThereÂs also an enormous difference between being a full-time caregiver, a part-time caregiver like I am, and a visitor (which is what most people luckily are). Although most of my friends have been extremely supportive and sympathetic, they cannot truly empathize. Most people left the room with their grandparent needed a fresh diaper and turn pale at the mere mention of a colostomy bag. Emotional baggage aside, itÂs very different being responsible for your loved one. WeÂre the ones who make medical and legal decisions on their behalf, get phone calls from the hospital, and manage their finances. ThatÂs why IÂm so deeply appreciative of the people on this forum. YÂall donÂt just say you understand, you really, truly get it....See Moreis this dementia or alzheimer's???
Comments (11)Yeah, there's something goin' on. As I've understood it, the only way a firm diagnosis of Alzhiemer's can be made is with necropsy... only then can the heavy placques in the brain be discerned. But I could be misremembering. Mum suffered a stroke in '04 and it was in the right parietal lobe of her brain; affecting short term memory and critical decison making. As it was explained to me, she is the perfect example of LEAPING before LOOKING. She often failed to THINK about a course of action. Now, her dementia has progressed to a point where she no longer really attempts a lot of things on her own. She never knows what day it is. She doesn't know what year it is. But she knows her birthdate, can name her (now deceased) siblings and all her immediate family. She can't always name my brother... and is often confused about who, exactly, he is... confuses him with my deceased father or my husband frequently. She can't name the cats in the house or the dog, but she identifies them by their individual physical characteristics. She has no clue about money any more, either! She reacts the same way at the doctor's office, too. You need to establish medical and legal POA, asap. And you need to esptablish a routine for her. You do the same things at the same time everyday and you ask questions that require her to THINK and guide her to the result you want to see. For instance: every morning I go down to Mum's room, turn on the lights and open the draperies. I wake her up with, "Good morning! it's time to get up". Then I sit in the chair and allow her to "come to". Next, I direct her to the written instructions for unhooking her urostomy from the night collection jug. I prompt her and she usually does it flawlessly. Then I clean and disinfect it. Then we make her bed together, I lay out her clothes for her, and prompt her to wash her hands, face, and fix her hair. And get dressed. I leave her alone to do those things. If I don't hear her coming to the stairs in 20 minutes I go check. Then she has breakfast. We do it the same way, every day. Drives me NUTS, but it works for her and I know the military regimen helps keep her safe. I put the kibosh on the nastiness early. SORRY! I won't live that way... Zoloft has spared me the commission of a felony, lol. Speak to her doctor about depression... very common in the elderly. Mum was 84 lbs. when she came to live with me... but, "Me? DEPRESSED? certainly not! I've never been depressed in my life!". yeah, RIGHT (she weighs 125-130 now). :)...See MoreMy mom got Alzheimer's during aunt's end of life care?
Comments (15)Thank you everyone! I just know I’m going to get bombarded at different points of time while up there, most likely by my aunt and my sisters husband. They will feel I need to be told what my responsibilities are and will be doing so to protect my younger sister who they think cannot handle it. I told everyone long ago that as I lost my childhood I had no plans on losing my older age years as well. My Aunt who just passed knew this and coaxed mom into setting herself up in an environment that has assisted living. I contacted several facilities and had literature sent to her as well as info on all senior amenities in her area. Mom was under the notion that it was all her idea, picked her place to live and she uses most of the local senior services. Of course I will do my share but had to say those things to get the ball rolling while mom had all her wits. I do love my mom but do have to limit the responsibilities to somewhat shared responsibilities with my sister as I live five states away. I have decided not to have any conversations with others regarding mom (except with sister) while up there. My response will simply be “its Karen time” as in, my aunts’ funeral time. And, instead of getting myself worked up over likely “mom” topics from family members I’m going to think of Annie’s words and let it rooolll off me lol. Thanks for that Annie; I’m already putting that great advice into action. This morning I was getting worked up again and visually pictured myself awash with comforting warmth starting at the top of my head and moving down over my body taking all negativity away. Mattie, I have no idea how you have cared for two elderly persons with Alzheimer’s/dementia. My potential problems are nothing compared to what you do on a daily basis. I do not have it in me to be a caregiver for elderly. It’s a selfish thing to admit but true. You are a special person! Kellielog, I know you get what I’m talking about. I had an alcoholic parent and a mentally unstable parent. I’m not sure but do I remember that your dad was both? I know I always felt like the real parent as young as age five or maybe even earlier. It’s not something you ever get over. It’s something that takes over against your will. Being that I’m a very strong willed person it still catches me by surprise. To all, your kind words really have helped right now and I mean that....See MoreDementia/Alzheimer's
Comments (17)You have a challenge for sure and yes some things need to be done. But a little dust in the home isn't something I'd jump up and down about when he's out driving. Establish your priorities. First things first. Laws of course vary from state to state so you need to do some research. Here in MN, a guardianship is not an easy thing to get. A Conservatorship is far easier and gives most of the power that would be needed here from your description so far. It would enable you to help with finances, etc. I'm not sure what your "draft" system is, I'm assuming it's some sort of an automatic bill payment. That can be OK if someone is monitoring it. He's still going to be susceptible to the phone scams, disreputable family members, neighbors, and others who prey on this type. Driving. You should get a statement from the doctor on his ability to drive. Put it in the doctor's lap if possible. I don't know his driving habits or anything but hitting a kid or getting lost are real possibilities. Even contacting the DMV seems extreme but a lot of people simply shouldn't be on the road and they can help evaluate. My dad went through it as did a good friend. Another friend was forced into it when his mother took his (these days you have to say) "challenged" daughter and disappeared. They were going to the store and she got lost. We had everyone we knew out searching for them, police and highway patrol were alerted. This was before cell phones were so cheap that everyone had them so there was an extra challenge there too. They were found, pulled over on a freeway ramp. That was enough to get him to pull the keys and take away the car. My dad was the same way, attitude-wise. Nobody's gonna tell HIM what to do! You need to approach it like handling a kid at times to avoid tantrums. One way that helps is to make them think it's their idea. "You wanted me to remind you to make the appointment" or "That was a good idea to get that checked out, you should do that right now. We'll go do it and stop for lunch afterward" or whatever works with him. My sister and I would go over and do some cleaning while he was gone. A lot of times he wouldn't notice it, which was all the better. I'd stop and mow while he was sleeping or gone. At first it really angered him but then it wasn't too bad. He started getting used to it. Otherwise, the suggestion to go in a group, even 2 or 3 is good, and 1 or 2 keep him occupied while other(s) tend to some things and rotate out. The biggest thing is to get it started and go. It has to be done and putting it off isn't going to make it better or easier for anyone. The optimist in me wants to point out this can even be a positive experience. Spending time with them while you can is enjoyable for both. Take a recorder and get him to tell stories, family history and the like. It also exercises their minds a bit. The recordings later will likely be treasured. Assisted living is nice, but around here, I doubt he'd be allowed into assisted living. Much depends on the local definition. Here, you have to be able to care for yourself for the most part. If his mind is going, he's going to be sent to a nursing home around here. Assisted living is exactly that, an assist. They'll give you the option to eat in the dining room, the option to have someone do light cleaning, the option to have someone wash clothes, etc. If he needs physical therapy or something, that is not part of assisted living. If you cause any trouble for any other residents, you're out. They do not have people who check on you daily, care for you, etc. It's an apartment with amenities for people who are having trouble, but it's NOT a nursing home and they're not about to become one. Went through that with my one aunt. They were patient with her and she became good friends with the administrator so they let her stay there longer than most but she was bumped to the nursing area when she was having troubles. An old GF's uncle was in a fabulous one in Eau Claire. I'd love to move into that place! Price was very reasonable there too. But there too, it's assisted living, not for someone who needs advanced care. So do some research on that before assuming things. Good luck....See MoreMonicaM43
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoemma
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agomoonie_57 (8 NC)
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoemma
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agomoonie_57 (8 NC)
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoemma
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoMonicaM43
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11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoMonicaM43
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoemma
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoMonicaM43
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