Oh my! I understand the roller coaster you're on, garden wench. Mum had a stroke in July 04 and is back home with me, mercifully. It's difficult to watch a parent struggle with things that used to be reasonably simple. It's difficult to be "in charge" of not only care and medical decisions, but finances, as well. Clothing: pull on pants are WONDERFUL! I bought 4 pair of the pull on, stretch cordouroy ones that were in the Lands End catalogue last fall. Mum LOVES them; they wash and wear like a dream, and they fit her well. I had good luck with LL Bean in fall 04, buying slacks in a heavy-weight knit AND buying the coordinating tops, too. Mum has trouble with buttons, so I try to find things that pull over the head and have buttons as a pretty detail, or a pretty neckline/collar. I've had great luck at Eddie Bauer, too... lovely cotton sweaters and stretchy turtlenecks. I generally order 1 of something from a catalogue, once it's been tried on and receives the thumbs up I get right on line and order several. Buy things that will tolerate the industrial laundry service at a nursing home. Mum lives with me, so I am able to spend time with stain removal and the few "handle with care" items she has in her wardrobe. I was trained as a tailor, and I sew for a living. I do all the required alterations myself, saving snippits of the fabric to take with me when I stop by a store. I'm able to match things and get wonderful bargains. I insist that Mum have socks that match her slacks, lol, I insist the woman who helps her bathe use them, too! Mum was very fashionable before her health crashed and I have maintained that aspect of her life for her. She has pretty scarves, nice accessories, and they are all there for the "bath lady" and Mum to peruse and choose. I have patterned things that she likes particularly well, and have made new ones for her in new and exciting fabrics. I have found several stores where the saleshelp is patient and fun. I scout the stores for "good stuff" and then take Mum OUT, we go midweek when things are not very busy; we have a blast. I find shopping for shoes to be particularly trying. She is incredibly fussy, and she has to have "good, sensible shoes". I have to take her shoe shopping again, and I dread it. I take her for a haircut every 4 weeks. She has great hair, and gets a stylish, short haircut (easy to maintain and style), and has her nails trimmed, shaped, and buffed. I refuse to allow her look "shaggy", sloppy, and "old". Even her eyeglasses are fashionable! and we have to address the need for some sunglasses, a new wallet, and a "user friendly" handbag, too. Ugh... The helpmeet is often frustrated by our lack of freedom, too. But he is wonderful with Mum. I get her up in the morning, make sure she's washed and dressed and at the breakfast table. I usually see that she has taken her morning meds. and has her bowl of fresh fruit and a cup of tea/coffee (decaf. only). He takes over and prepares her an egg, pancakes, french toast, etc.. He returns home for lunch and sees that she has lunch with him. I'm home in the afternoon and see that she has a snack, water, and goes outdoors for exercise. I do the lion's share of her care (urostomy changes, and requisite daily maintenace), involving her as much as is practicable, but he is wonderful with her! good humored and patient beyond measure. I have to do her finances tonight, as a matter of fact. It always seems worse than it turns out to be, but it does add an additional 1/2 hr. to what's already been a long day. I understand. Hang in there; you will find a way to make it all work, but it takes time, patience, and sense of humor.

Another good article. I always cringe when I hear someone say they've promised their parent that they will never place them in a nursing home. None of us knows the future. We have no idea how our loved one's health or mental abilities will deteriorate. It's unfair to the loved one and unfair to yourself to make a promise you simply may not be able to keep. My mother lived in two assisted living situations, but eventually she needed to move into a memory care unit. What the article says about staff numbers and incontinence care is true. As my mother's dementia progressed, she withdrew more and more from the planned activities. So she ended up spending most of her day napping or sitting in her apartment alone. However, once she moved to memory care, she enjoyed a day full of various activities. That was because the staff to resident ratio was better. The staff got everyone up & dressed and herded off to breakfast. Then they were ushered into the great room for activities. They never spent hours alone. All that to say that promising to keep a loved one out of nursing homes or dementia wards may not actually be in their best interests.

kay we know, but have made some recent changes to insure his safety...(except from himself) added a ramp, revamped the bars and chair in his shower...his doc has also added a scooter rx...I added a plastic "dresser" in the kitchen to store his junk foods and cereal so he doesn't have reach and grab...lol..I even got his lift chair moved 2" (he was po'd) so he could get the walker, wheel chair thru...if i'd had more time would have moved some furniture around so it doesn't look so cluttered...that would have really put me in the doghouse, lol...can you tell how our relationship has been?? lol lol

Funny thread. I inherited my grandparents' burlwood Art Deco dressers about 20 years ago. Any clothing that sits in the drawers for months on end inevitably ends up smelling like my grandparents' house. The dressers are so gorgeous, and the smell so nostalgic, it never occurred to me to try to deodorize them. I keep an orange blossom/patchouli scented soap in my lingerie drawer as a sachet; I suppose one of my kids will eventually have that smell to deal with, too (unless they opt to sell the dressers).