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Update... now I know my dad has lost it
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Posted by mikeandbarb (jetman1979@aol.com) on Sun, Feb 1, 09 at 21:30
Some of you may know that I've been having a hard time of it with my dad. I haven't seen him for some time but call often to check on him. I have not been able to go through the stress it's put me under. I've told my family I can't do it alone.
Today my son his girlfriend and my husband all went to see my dad. My dad was full of stories, let me tell you. He told us that the two of the workers walked in on him when he was coming out of the bathroom and he was nude, he said the two workers went and told them that he had exposed himself to them and they called the police on him and he had to talk to them. He started talking about going to court and he know what to say and he'd win the case.
I know that if there was a problem like that they would have told me.
He also said that if it wasn't for one of the ladies there that he would have starved to death cause they with held food from him but this lady gave him a sandwich.
Dad has complaints about the food at the home. Not cause it's not good but cause he's very picky.
Today my son made a pack with me to go see dad with me, so I don't have to do it on my own. He hadn't heard dad say these things, just heard from me what I relayed to him. Now that he's heard it for himself he knows what I've been going through and I and greatly relieved that I will not have to do it all alone anymore. |
Follow-Up Postings:
RE: Update... now I know my dad has lost it
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| Barb, although the situation sounds so difficult, I'm glad your son got to experience it first hand. His going on the visits with you will relive you of a lot of pressure. I think you're right about the nudity incident. If it had been serious, a real case of exposure with the police involved, you would have been called. Something happened, but you may never know exactly what it was. It could have been as innocent as a caregiver reminding your father to put some clothes on before he heads out of his room. Something similar happened to my mom. One of the male residents ended up in her room at around bedtime. He only has his underwear on and was trying to get into her bed. The caregiver came and took him away. But before he left, he kissed my mom. It was obvious to the caregiver and even my mom, that the poor guy thought my mother was his dead wife. Sadly, you never know what the demented mind is up to. My mom has told me a couple of times that the place did not serve breakfast or lunch. I know it's all a mistake. She either forgot she ate or she wandered down to the dining area at some odd time during the day when meals were not being served. The caregivers always herd the residents down to meals, so I know she just isn't remembering things correctly. Take care. I know how upsetting this can be. When I saw my mom a few days ago, the first thing out of her mouth was that she had been locked in "this place" all week. She wanted to get out so she could go home. Sound familiar? |
RE: Update... now I know my dad has lost it
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She wanted to get out so she could go home. Sound familiar?
Oh Yes, dad walked outside with us when we were leaving.
We stood there for a few mintues with him and then told him he had to go back inside. That was very hard to do. Like your telling your kids to get back inside but in this case it's sad.
I know it's hard for him to be left in there but I know how he is and I can't handle taking him out on my own. He would demand for me to take him home and he might even grap the wheel. So he has not been out with me since he's been placed in the home. Barb |
RE: Update... now I know my dad has lost it
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My heart aches for you. My Mom has been in nursing care for over 3 years. Didn't plan on it but things happen. There was no way I could continue to care for her, my handicapped brother and my own dd who was 9 at the time.
I've watched her get worse mentally even though the issue was always physical before. She has been in a wheelchair for over 7 years and relied on it for 3 years before that to a degree. She has no hip to speak of etc. She is now convinced that I can take her home if she can walk. She has had several falls trying to get out of her chair. Many times when I visit she tries to scoot out of bed. Amazing what they can do when the desire overrides their ability.
My oldest brother has been oblivious but in the last couple of months he too has been there more to see more of what actually goes on. I hear similar things like aides being unkind, not eating etc. I know she isn't being mistreated but we all know it's nothing like home. She's 86 now and I've watched the changes. She can't talk well because of a stroke like illness, she can't see because of detached retinas and she can't hear well, is incontinent, the whole nine yards. Up until about 4-6 months ago she got pleasure and peace from her prayers, saying her rosary and watching the news. Now, I don't know that she does any of that. I've rambled on but it's somewhat comforting to know that we aren't alone in our situations and whatever guilt, unhappiness or sadness we feel is normal. Still struggle with it but hopefully it makes us stronger in the end.
I hope your family continues their support of you and I wish you peace. Sis
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RE: Update... now I know my dad has lost it
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| My 85 year old mother-in-law made it sound like she didn't get served dinner at her assisted living recently. After I asked a bunch of probing questions, it turned out that she slept through it and woke up about 8 pm. She claims they don't come to remind her for meals, but we've seen them do it when we visit. You really wonder if they actually do believe this stuff themselves, or are just trying to throw a pity party. |
RE: Update... now I know my dad has lost it
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| Haven't heard from your for awhile Barb.. How are things going for you?? |
RE: Update... now I know my dad has lost it
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Been very busy but doing ok. I finally got to see the grand kids ages 14 and 10. I took them to see great grandpa and he thought my granddaughter was my daughter. So the dementia is getting worse, other than that he's doing good.
How are you doing? Thanks for checking up on me. Barb |
RE: Update... now I know my dad has lost it
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| Glad to hear from you. Have been concerned because of the stress you have been going thru. Sounds like your Dad maybe settling in or on good behavior because the the kids. |
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