I agree that sometimes moving to an AD Facility is a symptom of a downturn and not the cause. IMO, though, it can also be a cause. Many people move to an AD facility when theyÂre already experiencing a downturn, and sometimes major change in their lives can cause a downturn. ThereÂs no way to know for sure. My dad landed in the ICU for a couple of weeks, transitioned to a full-blown nursing home for a couple of months, then moved into an assisted living facility. He experienced a major downturn. Any or all of these things could have contributed. But I do know this: he felt very angry and betrayed by having to give up his old life, his car, his dog and his freedom. He resented the transition from independent adult to child. This kind of stress can, and often does, cause a decline in AlzheimerÂs patients. When my father moves to the dementia ward, he will lose his last bit of freedom, which is so very important to him. I anticipate another decline. But heÂs in a decline right now, and a lot of the fight has gone out of him lately. The move may not impact him much. I hear yÂall about the whole "my grandmother had AlzheimerÂs" thing. We always think of our grandparents as elderly, but can remember our parents as the young, confident rulers of our universe they once were. A spouseÂs illness is a whole other level entirely. ThereÂs also an enormous difference between being a full-time caregiver, a part-time caregiver like I am, and a visitor (which is what most people luckily are). Although most of my friends have been extremely supportive and sympathetic, they cannot truly empathize. Most people left the room with their grandparent needed a fresh diaper and turn pale at the mere mention of a colostomy bag. Emotional baggage aside, itÂs very different being responsible for your loved one. WeÂre the ones who make medical and legal decisions on their behalf, get phone calls from the hospital, and manage their finances. ThatÂs why IÂm so deeply appreciative of the people on this forum. YÂall donÂt just say you understand, you really, truly get it.

Thank you all so much for your input and support. The two biggest issues we are now addressing are those posed by some of you: Guardianship and Finances. As with any family and situation like this, you can imagine that there is much more going on than what I am able to express here. Families are complicated and this family IS complicated. The facility that she is in now has finally come to acknowledge that they can not just release her - they have said she is unable to make decisions regarding her medical care. Now we need to get two doctors to sign off that she is incompetent before proceeding with the guardianship. Determining who will be the guardian is quite tricky at this point because she is involved in a few legal issues that play into the short and long term affect of the decision. That will be hashed out hopefully in the next few days. If she is deemed incompetent the question arises as to whether she can proceed forward in her legal battles - most, probably initiated by her severe lack of decision making abilities which is a symptom of the disease - and whether it is in her best interest to do so. She is the one who initiated some of the legal issues. Others are the result of her behavior and forgetfulness. Like I said...it's complicated. Once some of these legal issues and guardianship is determined, than we can get more of the financial picture in focus. Thank you Graywings for linking the government retirement and the federal disability links. We believe she is under the older system; but as you said it needs to be confirmed as she did have the ability to switch over to the newer one at some point. We are learning more about her diagnosis which was originally known as Pick's disease. The symptoms fall into two patterns and her's is in the behavioral pattern which shows as impulsive, inappropriate social behavior, lack of social tact, loss of insight into their own behavior or others, repetitive or compulsive behavior to name a few. The other pattern type involves the language skills in understanding speech and such - she is not so much affected by this pattern. It is believed that the disease starts in the 30's and 40's which makes us now think that what we thought was a possible personality disorder had actually been early signs of this Alzheimer's. There has been a history of unusual behavior (as observed by outsiders but denied in general by most of the immediate family). She has definitely been told repeatedly by numerous people that she has Alzheimer's disease but is not able to make the connection as to the consequences. She will insist that the doctors are crazy and argue about every little thing, whether it pertains to the discussion or not. And then she will quite nonchalantly say "I have Alzheimer's, what's the big deal let me out and go back to work". Hopefully when they find the correct level of medication for her, she will be able to voice her desires. We feel strongly that her young teen son have access to her if he desires as the past few years have been turbulent for all concerned. Thank you again for all your info, recommendations on facilities, and especially the support. I will keep you posted. It will not be an easy road but I will look at this as a growth experience. The thing that has hit home hard is, without parents around any longer - WE are the adults we used to turn to for advice! With much appreciation, Chris

Thank you everyone! I just know I’m going to get bombarded at different points of time while up there, most likely by my aunt and my sisters husband. They will feel I need to be told what my responsibilities are and will be doing so to protect my younger sister who they think cannot handle it. I told everyone long ago that as I lost my childhood I had no plans on losing my older age years as well. My Aunt who just passed knew this and coaxed mom into setting herself up in an environment that has assisted living. I contacted several facilities and had literature sent to her as well as info on all senior amenities in her area. Mom was under the notion that it was all her idea, picked her place to live and she uses most of the local senior services. Of course I will do my share but had to say those things to get the ball rolling while mom had all her wits. I do love my mom but do have to limit the responsibilities to somewhat shared responsibilities with my sister as I live five states away. I have decided not to have any conversations with others regarding mom (except with sister) while up there. My response will simply be “its Karen time” as in, my aunts’ funeral time. And, instead of getting myself worked up over likely “mom” topics from family members I’m going to think of Annie’s words and let it rooolll off me lol. Thanks for that Annie; I’m already putting that great advice into action. This morning I was getting worked up again and visually pictured myself awash with comforting warmth starting at the top of my head and moving down over my body taking all negativity away. Mattie, I have no idea how you have cared for two elderly persons with Alzheimer’s/dementia. My potential problems are nothing compared to what you do on a daily basis. I do not have it in me to be a caregiver for elderly. It’s a selfish thing to admit but true. You are a special person! Kellielog, I know you get what I’m talking about. I had an alcoholic parent and a mentally unstable parent. I’m not sure but do I remember that your dad was both? I know I always felt like the real parent as young as age five or maybe even earlier. It’s not something you ever get over. It’s something that takes over against your will. Being that I’m a very strong willed person it still catches me by surprise. To all, your kind words really have helped right now and I mean that.

Good to hear from you Maryliz....wow you have been busy...I took a fabric dying class and it was a lot of fun...not something I want to do much of in my house. I am going to visit a lady for a class on painting on fabric and then you put it in the sun to set the colors...maybe then I can decide what I want to invest my money in, paint or dyes. Wonderful you are moving your sewing out of the basement to your very own space....you will love it...don't forget to include good lighting in your new room...aren't hubbys wonderful when it comes to our hobby. This summer is pretty quiet for us...last year we painted the house, garage, fences...15 gal. of paint and my shoulder still complains. We also had quite a bit of company and I did get to the Moose Jaw Quilt Show in April...so I guess I will enjoy seeing pictures and writeups on trips others take this year. I have dragged out a quilt that I started quilting in 2003 by machine....gave up because it was too heavy....couldn't get the stitching out so now I am hand quilting what is left. This was a block exchange my guild did so I treasure it. Looking back I sure have learned a lot...my borders are terrible...I did diamonds on the sides and they didn't work out even...I am chuckling as it is almost ugly. Keep us posted on your projects and pics and have fun with that new sewing studo. Jean