DD50, I'm so sorry that you are having so much trouble finding good in-home care. I wish I had more to offer you other than sympathy. I cannot even begin to imagine how frustrating this situation must be for you. Here you are, trying to do what's right; using the resources available; all so you can keep your husband at home. It sounds like the system is actually working against you. What a shame!

Although my situation wasn't as difficult as yours, I went through some similar things when we had my mom living with us. We got in-home care from a reputable agency so I could have some free time and to ease the physical burden. I found, like you, that I was spending too much time training the new caregivers and monitoring what they were doing. As we added more & more hours in the hopes of alleviating my burden, the costs became even more than what we had been paying for an assisted living facility. Eventually, I moved my mother into another AL.

If you go the NH route, don't become overwrought with guilt. You've done your best. Sometimes you just have to face reality. Your kids need you too. And you can't wreck your own health. If you do, who will take care of your children and your husband? Believe me, just because your loved one is in a NH or assisted living or memory care unit, does not mean you're not their caregiver. You are still looking after their well being. The only difference is that you can go back home and get some breaks.

Take care of yourself and always feel free to join in on the forum discussions here. This place has many lovely members who either are going through or have gone through circumstances similar to yours. It's a great source of encouragement and help.

Thanks. I am just feeling overwhelmed lately. I did have him in a NH for 6 months and he developed sepsis and was in the hospital for 10 days. They weren't putting him in his chair correctly and got a pressure sore on his ankle and didn't take care of it. They found him outside by the street delirious. They didn't even call the ambulance but waited for the non-emergency van to come.

I do think it is time tho more mentally than fiscally. I am starting to feel burnt out. Don't know if it is because of the holidays or what.

Have the new aide for the last few weeks. She is OK, and has some experience but forgets to change sheets, etc. I am so tired of kissing all the frogs and just want one that I don't have to keep checking up on. I would like the hour to myself to get housework done or even have a quite cup of coffee.

I think we all understand your frustration. It's really hard to get good in-home health care aids. It's almost a full time job overseeing them. If you get too discouraged, feel free to come back here and post. We're a sympathetic bunch.

google self directed home care and include your state in the search. see what comes up.
If you an do self drected care in your state you will have less problems with home care agencies and who they send.

self directed care means you hire anyone you like over the age of 18 and medcaid pays.
you have more control over the situation.

Thanks for the info. Never knew about that. A quick goggle is showing that they have mental health for FL but I will look into it a little more.

Still having problems. The one I got in early January either shows up late or not at all. If they send another one I have to train them or they don't show up. Don't understand it. I have finally demanded they they change agencies so I am going to be changed on Monday. She said it may be a few days that I have to tend to him myself but have been doing that when no one shows up. Now if they show up a 1/2 hour late I tell them sorry I don't need you today. It is really sad that I can't find someone that will just do the job. I do know that there are good aides out there because he has had some before when he got discharged from the hospital at different times. My grandmother had the same one for years and with her we only had to go through one bad one. The only difference was that they were sent through medicare and not medicaid. That is probably the difference. I can't afford one on my own because when I looked into it the agencies want a 4 hour minimum at $20 an hour.