Well he can't get in the shower so they have to sponge bath him and everyone they send is new and doesn't know the first thing. I have been going through aides because some don't use soap (sheets were dirty and get changed twice a week) because then she has to rinse. One aide didn't want to change his cup that he uses after she does his teeth. The most disgusting thing that they all were doing is not changing gloves after personal care. Then they would go into my kitchen with the same GLOVES on and get him a drink. I have complained and then I get a new person who again doesn't speak much English and doesn't change gloves, puts water all over my night stands, etc. I finally got a sub one day and she knew what she was doing to my surprise. Apparently when I requested to have her full time they didn't want me to because they said she was a fill in. She told me she wasn't but they didn't want to give her any jobs. It seems that they like the inexperienced people to come because they get paid less so they (the company) gets to keep more money as they get paid $20 an hour for two hours.

I finally said that is it I will be looking for a new company and contacted the lady in charge of the medicaid waiver and told her all my problems. Now starting Saturday I will have someone with experience, we will see as they have said it before.

It is getting so stressful because that is the only time I can get so things done but can't because I have to keep watching them.

A NH is starting to look good to me again. I still have three kids at home that need my time also.

Although my situation wasn't as difficult as yours, I went through some similar things when we had my mom living with us. We got in-home care from a reputable agency so I could have some free time and to ease the physical burden. I found, like you, that I was spending too much time training the new caregivers and monitoring what they were doing. As we added more & more hours in the hopes of alleviating my burden, the costs became even more than what we had been paying for an assisted living facility. Eventually, I moved my mother into another AL.

If you go the NH route, don't become overwrought with guilt. You've done your best. Sometimes you just have to face reality. Your kids need you too. And you can't wreck your own health. If you do, who will take care of your children and your husband? Believe me, just because your loved one is in a NH or assisted living or memory care unit, does not mean you're not their caregiver. You are still looking after their well being. The only difference is that you can go back home and get some breaks.

Take care of yourself and always feel free to join in on the forum discussions here. This place has many lovely members who either are going through or have gone through circumstances similar to yours. It's a great source of encouragement and help.

I do think it is time tho more mentally than fiscally. I am starting to feel burnt out. Don't know if it is because of the holidays or what.

self directed care means you hire anyone you like over the age of 18 and medcaid pays.
you have more control over the situation.

Still having problems. The one I got in early January either shows up late or not at all. If they send another one I have to train them or they don't show up. Don't understand it. I have finally demanded they they change agencies so I am going to be changed on Monday. She said it may be a few days that I have to tend to him myself but have been doing that when no one shows up. Now if they show up a 1/2 hour late I tell them sorry I don't need you today. It is really sad that I can't find someone that will just do the job. I do know that there are good aides out there because he has had some before when he got discharged from the hospital at different times. My grandmother had the same one for years and with her we only had to go through one bad one. The only difference was that they were sent through medicare and not medicaid. That is probably the difference. I can't afford one on my own because when I looked into it the agencies want a 4 hour minimum at $20 an hour.