We are in a very similar situation and it is tough. We sold our big, beautiful home in a neighborhood with lots of kids back in May and bought a smaller, old, dark house on an acre that needs a full remodel in a neighborhood that has only 1 other family with kids. Our original plan was to remodel, but about 3 months into it we decided to build (the property is actually 2 separate lots, so we are living in the exising house while we build our new house on the empty lot).

Our 7 and 11 year olds had a really hard time with it at first, especially the 7 year old. She cried many times and said she just wanted to go back to our "real" house. It's the only house she's ever known, so I totally get it. Our 11 year old is handling it better, but he does miss his friends. Like you, my husband and I really don't miss our old neighborhood and really like the privacy of our new neighborhood.

For us, it helps that the kids get to see the progress of the new house every day. Now that the basement foundation walls are in, they are starting to get excited, asking if they can go over to look at the house and wanting to know where their rooms are going to be. I have also tried to include them in the selections of things like carpet and tile for their bathrooms and I bring home samples and talk to them about where they will go, etc. I have all my samples laid out on the fireplace hearth in the family room so they see them all the time and I will even catch them looking at things and talking about them with each other. I think it is becoming more real to them and they are starting to develop a connection with the new house.

I also made a specific effort to design something special for each of them in the new house that would get them excited. For my 7 year old, we designed a nook for her desk in her room, a walk-in closet and a reading nook under the stairs just oustside her room. My 11 year old is getting a walk-in closet too and he has asked if he can set up a TV in there and make it a "video game room," so he's excited about that.

As hard as change is for kids, I keep reminding myself that being able to adapt to change is a skill they need to develop anyway, so I am using this as an opportunity to develop that skill :)

Good luck with your new build and the kiddos!

Girl....
I have an 11 year old worrier. She's pretty excited about the new house, and we go there every day b/c it's part of one of our farms.

We currently live in the subdivision also, I've kinda let her run amok knowing that her "runnin' the hood" days are numbered.

She talks about not wanting other people to live in our house after we're gone and worrying about not feeling safe b/c the new house is all alone.

I wish I had better suggestions for you. As far as the friends go, play dates as much as your schedule allows would be one thing I would try. Is there someone in your old neighbor hood that he could go home with after school and hang for a few hours until you pick him up? or are you in a totally different location? I'm planning on letting my girl keep her bike at our friends', and then a few days a week let her go there after school, as this is what she does every day after school now. She's a latch-key kid, but doesn't like to be by herself.

I'll keep you in my thoughts, b/c it is not easy I know!!!

Surprised to read how many of you are happy to be leaving the neighborhood kids! Life is so much easier when your kids can walk out the door and have friends available right there. They get to play around the neighborhood, which is what many of us used to do, and you don't see much of today, but it is so good for the kids. The main thing is that this stage passes in the blink of an eye and in a few years you will be wishing that your quiet empty nester house had a group of kids running around playing and laughing.

Autumn: We're in a similar situation. Spent 2 months in a hotel before getting a short-term apartment recently. Kids have been taking it in stride. Given the lack of entertainment options, we've relaxed our "electronics time" rule and they happily trade neighborhood play for ipods and TV. They still go to the same school, and weekend activities are all the same, so they're not otherwise impacted much.

Is your rental near your old home? With our youngest (8), we try to schedule a "drop-off" play date with one of her friends once/week. Maybe the solution to the "not coming over to play" is to have him just go over to play. Are you close enough to any of the parents to leave him for a Sat/Sun afternoon, or sleep-over?

chispa: I get your sentiment, but I think that the lack of casual playtime for kids today is more about the parents and societal changes. We loved our neighborhood and bought because there were so many other families. But as the kids got older, the "hang out" time seemed to disappear. The majority of the kids seemed to become "over scheduled" by their parents with extra-curricular activities: multiple sports, music lessons, etc. And by freshman HS year most kids also have jobs (on top of sports, clubs, etc) There were many evenings/weekends that our kids were the only ones hanging around the 'hood.

Well I am glad I am not alone. He does like to go out to the property so I will take that as a good sign yet.

We do live near our old place but with football season, practice, traveling games for our oldest it was nearly impossible to schedule anything. Add Wednesday night church starting up and all the house stuff and that was all I could handle. :) Football is done now so we will definitely have to have some play dates. I told him that too - when we move we will most certainly have play dates and that will be fun! It was tough to do in the neighborhood because it is a free for all - so if you have a friend over you don't really get to just play with them, it's an all out everyone play date and that was tough too.

mommy-He does have a little nook spot in his room that we will have shelves for all of his lego displays. There is also an open area upstairs that we told them they could decorate to some degree. I hope he gets more excited as time goes by. Either way it is a done deal. I keep telling him it will be okay and that as long as we are together as a family it's all good.

lori-he doesn't like to be alone either. We have them sharing a room here because we thought that might help them adjust and talk through the changes before bed at night. I do think they like that but when I ask do you want to share at the new house they both say emphatically NO! I need to buck up and schedule a play date I suppose...not really loving having people at the rental. I don't feel at home here and I think the kids don't either. Feels like we are living at someone else's (very darkly decorated) house.

chispa-I know, there were definite perks at times when I wanted them out of my hair and occupied for a bit. That said, I do not miss family dinner with the kids half in the seat because they can see so and so outside playing and they can't sit long enough to enjoy a meal together, same goes for homework, any sort of family time would all of a sudden be on the back burner if there was something going on outside. It was a constant state of interruption - even if we had the garage door shut. Not to mention the neighborhood cliques that carried over into school time. I truly am over it. I know that a neighborhood is a perfect fit for so many but we tried it, it was for the most part okay but we are looking forward to a bit of space and privacy so much. We can have play dates on our terms and not when we are exhausted or have something else planned.

oicu-we have yet to embark on a sleep-over but yes he would love that. Dh is an officer and he doesn't really like the thought of sleep overs at their ages yet - I suppose he's seen to much. :( We are also at same school so that is nice. None of his friends are in class this year though so that was a downer for him but there is lunch and recess!

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. He is my easy going one so I didn't really see this coming from him.

Autumn--You've described our issue with the old neighborhood to a T! The kids did have a lot of fun overall and it was nice to have easily accessible friends, but I just felt we didn't have enough family time because my kids were always out with neighborhood kids or always having kids over. And the neighborhood drama/cliques were getting old.... Our new house is just 2 blocks from our old neighborhood, so in the summer my kids went over there quite a bit, but once school started, everyone is busy with school/homework and sports, it is so nice for our limited time at home to just be family time. :)

mommy-I am hyper protective of family time. My dh works shift work and it is few and far between some months. So add that to trying to keep the house quiet during odd times of day when he may be sleeping with windows open and kids running through - not a fun time! I thought having boys would make me immune to the drama and cliques but not so! I am glad that someone else had the same experience. I'm not anti-social at all but I also like some privacy too. I hope our new location will offer a good balance. It's so quiet out there, love it.

oicu-having palpitations just thinking about being in a hotel for a month. Kudos for you for taking it all in stride! I do keep reminding myself that we did this by choice and we are blessed to be able to do so.

I just want to add--

Just validate your child's feelings. While it is great to point out all of the great things that will come, young kids don't live in the future. They don't anticipate the same way as adults can (or even pre-teens). Think about a child's emotional reaction to when someone dies--it doesn't look the same as a child just a couple years older (say, 7 v 9).

So, my suggestion is to just validate their feelings. Let them know that you hear them. You understand them. And, that yes, leaving the old house/neighborhood behind is sad. Do NOT add a "BUT" to the next sentence. Just let it be. Sometimes kids just need to know that you hear (and reflect) their feelings.

When you are at the new house and it is all said and done, they will feel differently about it.

(But, I just wanted to put this out there, because most of you with this same issue have kids in that 2nd grade age... I moved in 2nd grade and for almost the entire school year, wanted "to go home". I was very homesick. But, not for the new home/farm. For the old one. For tiny kids, home is where Mom and Dad are. For these young elementary kids, they just expanded their "home" to include neighborhood/etc. And, they don't have the ability to live in the future yet.)

Just sayin'.

kirkhall--Really good points. Thanks for that perspective!

Yes, great words of advice Kirkhall for this situation and many others. Thank you for the reminder!

Thanks kirkhall - good points indeed. At this point it pains me to see him so upset that I have been trying to placate more than validate. Privately we have discussed how different it is for kids when you make a move not to mention the fact that it's not their choice it's ours. Point appreciated and taken.

I can relate. My first move as a child was traumatic. I was all of 4 but had many neighborhood friends. I always wished we had this first house even though our move meant a neighborhood park, friends, a bike friendly area and more bedrooms, a playroom,...really I understand the whys but it's still very stressful and difficult for the entire family when even one is regretful. My sister was all of 2 and has no mind for memory on this or the majority of childhood happenings. I just want to say that it effects each member differently. Sometimes even when the cards are stacked in favor there will be regret. Are you able to enroll in a favorite sport or activity? Mine was softball and was an excellent coping device. Acknowledge their feelings and ask how you can help with the transition. Forward 35+years, I have a collection of wonderful memories in a house that was loving and supportive, no matter where that house might have been. Good Luck.

Excellent advise Kirkhall!

This too shall pass... This too shall pass... Oh, wait that's me chanting. OK I'm right there with ya. We are building on our farm and diy'ing a ton. So we didn't loose a neighborhood of kids but we have lost the time for play dates, park time, special stuff. Not to mention my nerves are raw, my patience short or non-existant. They feed off of my emotions and I'm trying to keep them in check for this reason. We have two girls, 2.5 and 5.
When we first started we had lots of dirt pile dinosaur time. Then we brought the bikes out when the basement was concreted and the house framed. We have had a TV in basement with movies for the inspections or meetings with contractors, when I need 45 minutes. We have painted subfloors and framing, collected fossils, and played hide under the porch.
Insulation now, next week hopefully drywall. Maybe when they can see their space it will help too.

Hang in there... That's all I'm trying to do.

Yes, it will pass, and regardless of the age of the "child" s/he may have strong feelings.

We moved into our new house after dd's freshman year of college, and moved while she was working at a sleep away out of town summer camp for the entire summer. Your post brought back the memories of her coming home from camp, exhausted from getting the kiddos off and cleaning up the cabin and missing her camp friends. We had to round up "blankie" that had been left at home for safekeeping and she had a long, long cry because she wanted to "go home."

Excellent points made by all!!

I'm glad to hear that we're not the only ones that deal with "neighborhood" drama. Luckily we have NO trouble out of neighbors, so we're very lucky there. But the contant kids here, kids there I'm about full up of.

These two get along this day, and these two another day. It rolls over to school also.

I've enjoyed the kids having instant entertainment too, but I'm ready for people to be at my house that were actually invited to my house, not just passing by and saying hey can I come in?

But I do know that my girl is gonna want to hang in the 'hood still after school some...

I agree with kirkhall too. In addition, I'm not at all surprised that your boy is less interested in things like new bedding and paint colors than in his friends! I can't imagine many 8 year olds would be willing to trade time with friends for a new bed spread.

I'd definitely try to set up more play time with friends, rental house or no. He misses his friends; he and they don't care if the house is less than perfect. (If you missed your friends, you wouldn't care if their house wasn't perfect either; you'd just want to see them.)

jennybc-yes and yes and more yes! We are all on edge and the crying and nit picking pushes my buttons much faster than it has. They do definitely feel our stress. Trying hard to keep it in check, not always possible. Not enough hours in the day, still adjusting to loud traffic while trying to sleep, etc. etc. We are hoping to do the same sort of thing when we get to our heavy DIY part. We will have a set up for them to keep busy but it will be tough, I know it.

We did see the old kiddos quite a bit until school started.........then it was almost a dead stop. I think part of it is because when we lived there - during the school year even if it was a quick 15 minutes before we were off and running they could run across the street and get some play time in. You could see who was and was not home. Now where we are that is not possible. We have tried to have his closest friend from the neighborhood come along with us to the property so they could run around together and check it out but it hasn't worked out. He has 2 older siblings in sports and he is too so.....never a free night!

lori-yep. Same story different day. Or they start playing and it's all good until one particular kid comes around in which it 100% of the time falls apart. Kids fighting, crying. Ugh. I really enjoyed our neighbors too. It was 14 years - felt sort of like leaving family. Yet as you said - I do not miss the continual barrage of kids in and around the house.

donna and houseofsticks - ouch. :( We moved when I was 5 and I really barely remember much of it. Or I guess I remember the moving part but none of the emotions part??? Maybe I should ask my Mom.... My sister was an infant then so she will have no recollection.

chicago-I was trying to get him excited about the new house, not really replace his friends; yet I see your point. Fall seems to be the busiest time of year for us and hooking up for play dates has been really hard. I hope this winter we can do more of it, especially with breaks from school. We have fall break right now and his fav friend is here playing as I type. :)

Now that I think of it - his bouts of crying have really started since school has been in and the visits of summer ended. We moved August 1 so we had a month of still seeing everyone fairly regularly. I had thought seeing them at school would be enough but must not be!

We have asked him what he misses - the house?, his old room?, his friends?.....he just shrugs and says he doesn't really know - he just misses 'home' and this is not home. I suppose it would be a combination of all of the above that make up that feeling of home. Thank goodness blanky has made the move. Not to mention at least half of their things are in storage so we are on bare necessities here. This too shall pass, this too shall pass and I pray that when it does, it's GOOD!