I know this isn't the answer you're looking for, but I don't live my life by "should."

While many choose semi-gloss or satin, I strongly prefer my cabinets to be matte, whether painted or stained. This is hardly an unusual or original choice, but it is my choice.

I would suggest browsing kitchen cabinets on Houzz and choosing what most appeals to you. There is no right or wrong.

Is "matte" a choice in paint?

"Matte" is the same as flat but the term is more commonly used to describe varnishes and other clear or semi-clear coatings.

The clear conversion varnish topcoat over the high solids tinted lacquer which is what is used for "paint" can come in many different gloss levels. It's best to have your cabinet maker create some samples for you so that you can see and test the differences. The glossier the finish, the easier it is to wipe up boo boos. But, it also shows a lot of dirt worse when you have a glossy finish. If it matters to you, and from your question it would seem to, glossier finishes (except for high gloss lacquered modern ones) have been off trend for some time now for cabinets.

It may be used in more of the higher end paints (that I can't afford...), but it is most definitely used with paint as well as varnishes and the like. It is nearly, but not quite, interchangeable with flat. Of course, I live in an artsy fartsy world where I hear and read all manner of terms...just enough to really get me into trouble.

I definitely learn something every time I log on to GW! Thank you for the responses. Building a home is full of so many decisions and I'm at the point where I'm completely overwhelmed and even something as simple as cabinet sheen stresses me out. I appreciate the time everyone takes to explain things. And LWO, you are on to me- I think my kitchen may one day scream 2014 :-)