Is this just for the 2 of you or do you have children?

Just us 2 and our 2 dogs.

Just us 2 and our 2 dogs.

I think it would be a smart idea to talk to other builders at this point - just to see what other options there are. As for the timeframe - building a custom home does take time, even when everything goes as planned.
What I don't understand is why should the BFF compensate you? Have you paid him for services that he did not fulfill? It sounds like he went into it with the good intention of helping you out - but life happens and unfortunately it didn't work. It doesn't sound like you were under a legal contract with him. To ask him to financially compensate you at this point if you haven't paid him money -- sounds like a good way to end a friendship. I know my best friend is worth way more than $7000 to me.
However, if there are other details that I am missing - and you did put out money to your BFF, I would still tread very lightly when discussing the issue. Mixing friendship and business can be a very sticky situation.
Good luck to you!

This is one reason why we don't do business with close friends or family members. I hear so many stories that turn out like this. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. I would definitely not expect your DH's BFF to pay anything. So nice that he thought he could get you a good deal but in reality not many custom homes are even under $140 a sq ft.

Good luck!
Robyn

This is where we get in trouble. The cost of the house built by BFF was going to be about $210,000 so about $90 per sq foot. A VERY good price. I would say this same house built by someone else would be $250K in our area. We could afford that, but we would be "house rich" and "cash poor." I don't want to live my life like that. Plus it would probably be the most expensive house in the neighborhood.

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This part confuses me. Whether you pay the $210,000 or the $250,000 it will be the same house in the neighborhood.

Consider this an expensive lesson and walk away now, while your dh still has his friendship intact. I can't imagine any situation in which your dh's BFF would owe you any money.

Go get estimates from other builders, or go into a development where you buy from a builder and all your costs are laid out, and you know you can afford it. Where it's an arms-length transaction and you're not counting on friendship to save you $$.
Also consider that with any custom build there are cost overruns. You need an additional $20-$30k to account for cost overruns, so if that puts you into the house-poor situation then you probably should wait or get another architect to revise your plans.

BFF did nothing wrong and expecting him to compensate you is ridiculous....he should pay you because he tried to get you a bargain and couldn't? That would be punishing him for trying to do you a favor. And a great way to make sure he was an ex-BFF.

You haven't broken ground yet, nothing has happened that can't be reversed. Either you suck it up and pay for the house you want, or you redesign the house and build a house at a lower price. Your third option is to try and find someone else who is willing to do it for less.

And if you're upset about building delays, get used to it. This won't be the last in the build process. And if you're upset because it's going to cost you more than you planned, well this won't be the last of that either. Figure a custom house is going to run 30% more than expected...if you're lucky.

Yeah, BFF did do something wrong: He got them excited about building this house for a good price, then allowed himself to be distracted by other things -- Mom's business, a new job when he'd already promised to be involved in their build. He made a verbal promise that he (or his uncle) could make this happen. BUT since they didn't draw up a contract and say, "We will break ground on this date, you'll pay me this much on that date, and we expect completion around this week", they have no official business deal, so there's no compensation to be had. Perhaps this is better: He wasn't very nice about it, and he wasn't a particularly good friend in this situation.

You could push it, but without a contract you probably wouldn't get anywhere, AND you would injure the friendship.

I think your best bet is to say to the friend, "We've talked about this, we've tried to make it happen -- and it just isn't coming together. With the possibility of a wheelchair in the future, we need to get this project done, so I'm going to go ahead and talk to other builders."

And I do see some holes in the logic:
- Whether you pay 210K or 250K, it'll still be the biggest house in the neighborhood. Is that something you're willing to do or not?
- Even though your architect's dead (that is bad luck), couldn't someone else in his firm -- or another architect -- make alterations in the plans? Or couldn't you pick a stock plan from an internet site?
- I'm going to say something unkind, but it is true: If the difference in 40K would make you "house poor", you're stretched too thin to build this house -- especially given that your husband is facing a potential disability that might increase his medical bills and decrease his income.

You weren't in a situation to do a custom build from the beginning. Your situation is no different now. You're still not in a position to do a custom build. And no one owes you anything for your false expectations about the build. You're grieving over the loss of something that wasn't truly achievable from the beginning. And the anger stage of that grief is prompting an inappropriate backlash against your friend. Which may end that friendship.

Time for the big girl britches to be pulled on one leg at a time.

I suggest you explore some public social service agencies or even private foundations that can assist your DH with planning a smaller universal access home. There is plenty of help out there for free, depending on what issue is prompting his health issues, and his and your past working history. Do a realistic assessment of you total financial picture and what that means for the next 30 years. Then see how that aid and your finances will combine to give you a figure for your housing costs. You're letting a lot of emotion into the process here, and you need to shut that down and think with your head.

Thank you for all the input. I appreciate it. I just feel left out in the middle of no where.

Architect wise, I believe since his death, the firm is closed. He passed away back in December. We already paid $1,600+ for those finished plans. If we took them to someone else to be changed, we would pay for it. If we decide to not build that floorplan, we have thrown that money out the window. Our lot is oddly shaped so finding a pre-made floor plan to work is probably possible, but not easy.

Friendship wise, this really hurts. BFF was DH's best man and they have been friends since they were toddlers. They are guys though, and guys are not as emotional about things like girls do. Maybe he doesn't owe us anything, financially. I don't know. But seriously, we have spent over a year on this and have accomplished nothing and all I get is a sorry from him. It was a sorry that was given at a group dinner and it took 2 seconds and was in a public place. I didn't get to say what I really felt about the whole situation. He gets to walk away while we are left with a lot, a set of approved floor plans, and an interim construction that we already paid the closing costs on. It's a crappy deal. It's not like he intended to lose his job and had to find another one and I understand that.

We can afford a custom built house in our city. Our cost of living here is very low. The $150 sq/ft custom build homes are the 5,000 sq/ft luxury homes on huge lots with swimming pools and 4 car garages. My house is a 3/2.5/2 in a neighborhood where the average house is probably 1800-2000 sq/ft and the average cost is around $180-$190k. The house next door was a new build and sold from $215,000 and was slightly under 2,000 sq ft.

Our home won't be the biggest in the neighborhood. I would say it's probably on the upper end though. It would be one of the most expensive though. My dad always said to never be the most expensive, but we are planning on staying in this home long term so I guess that may not be a super big deal.

I think I'll start looking at other builders. DH wanted to wait to get the bids back from the uncle, but I don't think it will hurt to ask others.

THanks again.

We already paid $1,600+ for those finished plans. If we took them to someone else to be changed, we would pay for it. If we decide to not build that floorplan, we have thrown that money out the window.

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This often happens in the process of building a house. We bought plans for $4k and changed our minds about that house at the last minute. We ended up building a different floorplan. It happens.

We spent over $30K on a house designed by an architect that also included a landscaping plan. Needless to say we tossed the plan when we found out we couldn't afford to build it. The most expensive mistake we have ever made in our 40 years of marriage.

We will be building a new home this year with a plan that we tweaked for less.

If I were you and you really like the plan I would just find out first what it would cost to build. Interview at least 3 other builders before making your decision.

Good Luck. If you chuck your plans and find new ones, it may be cheaper but like we did you will be out the money you spent to have it done.

For a custom home, you will certainly exceed your budget estimates by $1,600 unless nothing at all surprising happens.

It's remarkable to me that so many people make what's probably the biggest financial investment of their lives with the core assumption being that nothing surprising will happen. How are you going to handle it when they discover an issue with the site that needs $10k of work to address?

Don't enter a what you think is an agreement without a contract. If something surprising happens you have no framework for determining what happens without one.
Don't sign a contract without having an attorney experienced in real estate contracts review it, explain it to you and suggest corrections. You don't know the implications of the text present and absent, I guarantee it.
Don't do business with friends and relatives.

$250K for your home is still an amazingly awesome price for a custom build -- 106 per square foot. Sign me up for that!!!!

If it's just the two of you, do you really need a house that big? Smaller house...lower utilities....lower taxes...etc.

Of course you should find other bidders. Assuming a friend was going to do you a favor is what lost you so much time. It's a good lesson. Bid competitively and ask the winning bidder to help lower the cost by modifying the design.

Frankly I think you are lucky to not be obligated to use a friend. It's always a bad idea IMO. Form a good business relationship with a real builder and don't look back.

Don't use the uncle! You are still associated with the "former" BFF...and I would not want that, given what has happened.

Look for a NEW builder, get a contract and either use the current plans or spend a little money and get these modified.

I'm sure you didn't mean it to sound like it was an inconvenience to you that your architect died, but just in case any of his friends/family reads the forum...

Also, my husband was in the hospital/rehab for almost a year. His BFF and best man also turned out to be a jerk. It happens! Do what we're doing...find new friends :)

I like the thought of using a builder and negotiate their willingness to cut down on sq footage if we wanted to use them.

We did originally want about 2,000-2,100 sq feet, but that 2,350 got everything we wanted. I am attaching a picture of the floor plan. We have some extra sq footage by having a jack and jill bathroom in the guest area and then having a powder room. I also think we could cut down on our "great room" space if we wanted to trim some square footage. I really do like the "reading area" because we are book nerds. I love having the office nook so our guest rooms are our guest rooms. Plus we don't work from home so an actual office room isn't necessary. The laundry room is a dream because our previous home had a closet for a laundry room with no storage.

And no, it was not an inconvenience that our architect passed. It was another road block that has happened to us in this horribly frustrating journey.

BFF will always be his BFF. Him not building the house has probably saved their friendship.

I guess if I call some builders do I just need to be upfront with our situation and then bring in all the floor plans and everything? Not going to throw BFF under the bus or anything.

I don't think you should tell other builders anything of the story, it just makes you more vulnerable. We had to ditch a builder that we had worked with for months in the planning stages. Never told any of the new builders we talked to the whole story. Nothing to be gained by it. Keep some things private.

I see your point about the vulnerability and we don't want to come across as desperate either. The floor plans have BFF's name on it. I figure they will ask why we were so close to breaking ground, why we paid $5,000 in closing costs on the construction loan, and why the builder's name on the plans has backed out.

The master bathroom does not look wheelchair accessible.

Yes, the jack and jill bathroom can easily become a hall bathroom to cut down on the square footage.

Your kitchen looks like it will be difficult to pass through (without bumping stools or cutting through main work area) for anyone...let alone someone in a wheel chair.

The master bath should NOT have the in-swinging door to the toilet area.

Your laundry and powder room also look a little small.

I would recommend you find a builder or architect, who has worked with handicap accessible before. I think you need some help with that...better now, then regretting it later on.

Ditto to this not being a W/C friendly plan and that cutting sq ftage in the bedroom wings will not be a difficult task.

white out or cover and copy the name on the plans, and go from there with new potential builders.

Best of luck.

If you need accessible design, this isn't it. Think about sitting in a wheel chair and how many pushes it's going to need to move how many feet forward. Think about the difficultly of navigating every turn and every flooring change. Think about minimizing the distance and obstacles between the 3 critical areas of the home for a person...kitchen, toilet and bed. There are numbers available on how much turning circle is needed in front of things like toilets and width of doorways.

Mom was in a wheel chair with a broken leg for 4 months and the only way she could get into the bath was to enter across the hall through her kitchen doorway as the hallway was too narrow to make the turn.

If you have to get a new builder, this might actually be a good thing. It will give a fresh eye and you can build upon all the things you've learned through the process so far to achieve an even better and more cost effective design which more precisely meets your needs and goals.

Just glancing at the plan it looks bad for anyone with any mobility issues. Start fresh.

Attached is a thread called aging in place. Many good ideas.

Here is a link that might be useful: aging in place

This post was edited by debrak2008 on Wed, May 28, 14 at 14:22

Not at all a good plan, even if you didn't have the issues with needing an ADA friendly plan.

Get some bids- you learn so much from each builder. Tell them (if they ask about the plans) that the builder on the plans couldn't meet the required time frame- that's it. Don't give them any details on your situation.

These are one of the many problems people face when they have to work with relatives and stuff...you can't really say anything to them.

It sounds like your husband's BFF has had some life changes that were out of his control and are probably pretty upsetting for him. I don't see where he did anything wrong at all. It's unfortunate that he was unable to follow through on his intentions to help you out. And for his uncle to attempt to carry out the BFF's intentions is another show of good faith that he is trying to work it out for you the only way he can.

I agree that doing business with family/friends can jeopardize the relationship. So, hopefully, when all the dust settles and you are able to look back on the situation, the friendship between your husband and BFF will be fine. Having a friendship for that length of time is precious.

The BFF dropping out was probably a blessing in disguise. We never do business with family or friends. You cannot be objective nor get your point across when issues arise. Then, you have to be very careful when addressing these problems.

I agree with so many of the posts above about checking with ADA suggestions. Some builders are helpful in this area but they don't know everything. After having a broken knee cap last year, you view your house inside and out very differently. Our next house will be crutches/walker/wheel chair friendly.