now, something about this struck me as unacceptable and i told him to leave immediately. he rambled on three more times expressing his need to urinate. i don't know... maybe it's me. we live in a nice area and frankly i'm not used to dealing with folks who just stop in to use the facilities. especially folks we don't know.

give it to me straight. am i just a b*tch or what?

Yeah, I just stopped by the house today and noticed someone in the neighborhood is clearly doing a bathroom remodel...yep, nice big BLUE tub in our dumpster! Each of those dumpsters cost us $$$!

You are not a B, just someone who has manners and understands the use of them.

Heaven forbid this crass man driving a truck of "especially old, used furniture" (the very idea!) in a "nice area" like yours even contemplate using YOUR port-a-potty!

Way to be neighborly...ooops...wait...a man like this could never be your neighbor.

I would not of cared in the least and sometimes, when you gotta go you gotta go and manners be dam*ed!

Just curious.

BTW, if some guy came up in obvious desperation and wanted to use a porta-john on the property, I would have let him. If he begged to use the loo in the house, that would be a different matter. In that case, I would have just pointed to the woods. :-)

Using the portapotty, barring indications to the contrary is typically not.

Considering all the places I've seen guys taking a whiz wherever they pleased on construction sites, main streets in broad daylight, parking lots, fences, fire hydrants, trees and walls, I'd consider him the courteous exception to be encouraged. At one home I built, we were the postman's regular pit stop!

Port-a Potty: Visitors Welcome"

if throwing a total stranger off our property makes me uptight and a b*tch, so be it. even if it were closer to the street i would have considered this an intrusion. with two small children around i have reason to be cautious. uptight? a b*tch? that's fine by me.

i realize i didn't fully explain so i'll assume those who went with b*tch for the answer will now have a different view. if not, well then that's fine too. all is well except i will ask the GC to move the pot further to the rear of the property where it can't be seen from the street.

And if not, what's the harm? Would you have prefered he literally "go" around the corner behind the bushes or his truck door on the street?

It's a port a pot, not your castle. Lighten up, show some compassion and allow others some diginity in these very trying times.

Many of us are building homes that evoke an era of bygone days. But in real life we are building walls, fences, only communicating through electronics. He implored you as a human being, as you said, three times!

You may not be a b*tch, but I hear KARMA is.

If he drove up in a nice car without the old furniture and fit in with your environment, would it have bothered you as much?

We built in an exclusive neighborhood and I had no problem with people using the POP.

One time i had to go so bad that i had to pull in a parking lot, pop the hood of the truck, and "pretend" i was fixing that "radiaitor leak"! Sorry to admit that but sometimes when you gotta go, you gotta go!

but i should allow a total stranger on my property just because he had the gumption to trespass, saying he needed to use the facilities? sorry i can't be so accommodating. my first concern is for my children and not someone who has to (and i quote) "take a leak."

if you have children and even if you don't, i hope you'd think twice before allowing such a thing. be safe everyone.

1. If you ask a question in a forum setting, you will get answers.

2. Never include "give it to me straight" in your post, unless you really want to hear all views. Straight is, well, straight.

3, Never ask if you are a " just a b*tch", unless, well, it goes without repeating.

Just for sake of argument, I wanted to say "EEEWWW!" at a stranger in your POP! Now, I see both sides of the coin.

My two cents, falling in value as we speak.

Why put this in the post if you didnt expect people to react to it ?

However, I dont believe it was wrong to deny the use of the POP. I wouldnt have minded if he had ASKED first. When you gotta go you gotta go but it doesnt give you the right to come onto someones property without permission.

Please do not post a question and then protest when people answer your question. Thank you.

i was going to ask my attorney (who happens to be my dh) to look up the exact legal language as it pertains to trespassing but i'm done responding.

i try to be congenial and thoughtful in my responses to others and i wouldn't think of responding to any of you in the manner which you have to me. yes, i opened myself up for a slamming so it's my fault and i accept it.

some of you should be ashamed of yourselves. if you'd even be capable.

I would be much more upset it someone used my dumpster.

Some people who come to this form are very hostile on all the threads so beware of how and what you post unless you're ready for the rude and obnoxious comments of some.

You did what you were entitled to do on your property. Period.

Handled "nicely", nah, probably not the nicest thing to have done esp. after his begging and really, I think you feel bad or have mixed feelings about it or you wouldn't have posted. I see your point though, that it does get annoying with strangers thinking they have a right just to do whatever, but his urgency coupled with the fact that it is a POP, well, I still think it would have been an act of kindness to let this one slide and let the guy use it, then have it moved for sure.

Me, well, I wouldn't have even ventured down to see what he was doing. I would have just spied on him from the house, made sure the doors were locked with phone in hand...just in case. I'm a scaredy cat like that. I'm the one during the scary movie yelling at the actress, "No...don't go outside!!". Sorry just me.

If it makes you feel better, I make people take their shoes off when they visit, I'm planning on a TV over the fireplace, I visit homesites without asking permission and I'm building a McMansion with lots and lots of Gables, oh and the whole house is a total trend...we all have our faults! LOL! (Did I make you laugh?)

of course, great advice brutuses.

jeff2718: you should definitely post more.

and did someone say gables? i LOVE gables. dh and i were sitting outside the other night looking at the framing and we counted: we are the house of seven gables. sounds like it would make a great read ...oh, right. it's been done. well, i'm inviting all the exceptionally nice people on the forum for tea when we're finished. if everyone comes we'll have a pretty full house! as an extra added bonus you will all be allowed to use the indoor facilities.

I agree that you had the "right" to tell the man to leave.

On the other hand, if I read your original post correctly, you said that as you first approached him (apparently before the man ever even saw you) he WAS entering the POP. He was not approaching your children, or vandalizing anything, or casing your propery looking for something to steal...unless he planned on stealing the toilet paper. LOL!

The mere fact that he WAS entering the POP when you approached stongly suggests that he really did just need to take a leak, saw you POP and decided on the spur of the moment to use it...especially if your house is some distance from any gas station or other place with publicly available facilities.

Should he have knocked on your door and asked permission first? Yes - but if he really really needed to go right away and didn't even know you were there, the failure to ask first seems reasonably excusable. If he had asked first, would you have said OKAY? Or, would you have turned him away?

Now I'm pretty protective of my personal property but I can not imagine EVER refusing a fellow human being in need of a toilet the use of a portable toilet that is visible from the road. If it had been me, I'd have let him go ahead and use the POP and then - maybe - reminded him, NICELY, that in the future he really should ask permission before availing himself of the use of facilities that don't belong to him.

It would have cost you absolutely nothing to show a little kindness to this stranger - but you chose not to. Does that make you a bi*ch? No. But neither are you in the running for the Good Samaritan of the Day award.

And I do have to ask: you said you have two small children were outside at the time. Did they witness your confrontation with this man? Have you asked yourself what lesson they learned from watching Mommy deal with this man? Was it a lesson that you would have CHOSEN to teach them about how one treats other people who are in need????

We all sometimes find ourselves needing the assistance of strangers. It can be as little a thing as discovering we need to borrow a quarter for a tampax in the ladies room, or need someone to jump start our battery in the middle of a shopping center parking lot, or need help gathering up all the junk we just accidentally dumped out of our purse in the middle of a busy airport, or need help changing a tire on the way to work. I'm sure if you think about it, you can recall a thousand times that pure strangers have come to your assistance. I know I can.

Now ask yourself if your actions today are worthy of the many kindnesses that strangers have given you in the past and (hopefully) will give you in the future.

You don't need our opinions. What do YOU think of your actions?

I would have let the guy use it, especially since he was begging. Maybe he was having a poop attack. He surely was desperate to have made such a request 3 times.

If you didn't feel guilty about saying no, you wouldn't have posted here asking opinions.

If I were that protective of my children, I'd be living offsite, where contractors wouldn't be near them, and where they wouldn't be near a construction site and all the hazards that go with them.

And if I was that protective of my POP, I'd keep it behind the house, out of view from the street. We kept ours right at the edge of the road, and since it doesn't cost me per use, I'd have encouraged delivery folk, joggers, hunters, whoever to use it if needed.

one the one hand the POP being so far back in teh drive he should have come to the door and asked first. but of course he may have figured no one was home or may not have been able to hold it.

on the other hand, you do not own the POP nor do you pay by volume. one person taking a leak in it is not going to require it be pumped any sooner. as men get older it becomes increasingly more urgent that they have access to a restroom. enlarged prostate can make a man have to pee as much as a pregnant woman. would you have denied a 8.5 month pregnant women access to teh POP?

a little common courtesy on both of your parts would have went a long way in this situation.

in my area you would have been classed a 1st class B*. in other areas of teh country you did teh smart thing. who are we to judge, as none of us were there.

I don't think you are a b*tch at all. I have small kids and I have (an admitedly) irrational hyper mother bear instinct when it comes to their safety. I would have asked the man to leave as well, just like you whether he drove up in a truck or a Rolls. It would just creep me out. May be I'm paranoid, but I would rather err on the side of paranoia then exposing myself and my home to possible (even though not probable) risks. We've had several brushes with safety and were robbed (in a very safe area). I think that if you ever experience that, you would be hyper vigilant (even irrational) about your safety. I completely understand and respect somebody's choice not to have somebody on their property. Everybody has their different risk tolerance. If somebody chooses not to be "neighborly" to a stranger who wants to enter on their property to use a POP, I think that we should respect that person's boundaries and desires for their property, even if it's irrational and even if it's inconsistent with other risk assessments they make. I don't know why that's a reason to pass moral judgment on a person. I don't think it makes you a b*tch at all, even though it's not what other people might have done.

I also feel bad for Kate bc I'm an avid GW lurker (for the most part), and I enjoy her posts and her comments, and after being on this forum for months, it doesn't seem like Kate is a b*tch at all. I just hope we don't turn her away from the forum by capitalizing on an opportunity to trash her bc she asked for it.

We all have a mean selfish streak in us - after all, we are HUMAN! And for myself at least, I've noticed that when I let my nasty streak out and my conscience is pricking me no end, rather than admitting to myself that I screwed up I tend to go looking for allies who will tell me that what I did was perfectly acceptable and even the right thing to do under the circumstances. LOL!

I think venting in this way is a defense mechanism to help me feel good about myself again - but somehow it never works out quite like I expect because my friends and family ALWAYS call me on it and tell me in no uncertain terms when they think I've been in the wrong. And then I get mad at them because I think they're not supporting me. But, true friends support us in being the best people we can be and that means telling us honestly when we've fallen short.

The thing is, even tho my friends and family sometimes let me have it right-between-the-eyes, they always forgive me and love me anyway! And somehow THAT helps me to acknowledge to myself that I was in the wrong and then forgive myself while at the same time vowing that I won't make that particular mistake again. Unfortunately, I seem to be endlessly creative about finding new ways to screw up. LOL!

So Kate got some very honest reactions here, some perhaps a bit more pointed than absolutely necessary - but she is NOT a bi*ch. At worst she is just a human being who behaved badly on this one occasion. I've done things equally mean-spirited, or worse, in the past and I rather doubt there is anyone else out there who is REALLY in a position to throw the first stone.

What say? Forgiveness and "virtual hugs" all around and lets move on...

If Kate's a B*, then so am I. The only difference is I wouldn't have been brave enough to ask him to leave.

It seems bizarre to me that she ran inside and posted this (notice the word "just" in the title, referring to time...it just happened)

There was no mention of children in the original post, just of her curiosity. For the record I do not flame people on the internet. I feel a personal humiliation since I was on meds and frequently needed to seek out a public restroom and can feel this man's humiliation. So I take that personally. Only one other person on this thread mentioned that the man may have needed to go #2. A lot of men would have walked away and peed in the bushes after a first refusal and not asked a second or third time. I believe, yes, that there may have been no time to knock first and ask for permission.

I am a mother and I have raised my children into adulthood. It was known in our household that you treat others the way you would like to be treated. It would have been so easy to give this man his dignity. Not that you'd HAVE to, but it would have been gracious.

Things could be worse.

I would not welcome a stranger coming onto my property and using the facilities. It is not the same world anymore and it most certainly could be someone who is up to no good. Your 1st priority is to protect your children. I am very protective of our space and question anything that does not seem right. Intuition has saved many from harmful situations.

I have restaurants, we do not ALLOW non-customers to use the bathrooms no matter what. We have had graffiti, drug needles, marijuana , vandalism etc. done or left in our bathrooms. Why should I subject myself or our paying customers to this kind of crap. I do not care if they are ready to wet their pants, they are not coming in our bathrooms. People are so disrespectful anymore, not caring about private property or anything else.
It costs us countless hundreds of dollars to fix what these people do in our bathrooms. I know we are not the only restaurant who faces this and I know our policy is carried out through much of our city. We have had to call police on several who did damage to our bathrooms or just had a fix and fell asleep.

No you may not pee in our bathrooms if you are not buying food, is what we say.
It is too bad that the selfish & greedy out there ruin it for the rest of civilization but they did & continue to do so.

FWIW, I have been a pregnant women many times in my life and would NEVER go on private property to use someone else's p-o-p. This is absurd to me.

and no, i'm not feeling guilty or as if i did anything "mean-spirited" as bevangel suggests. furthermore, when i asked him to leave my private property he seemed neither angry or humiliated as neesie (who was not there, btw) has told us. he simply apologized and left. i didn't yell or scream or create any kind of "scene." it seems my ability to raise my children has also been questioned. neesie, you have crossed the line. do not expect any Christmas cards from me. i am truly hurt your opinion of me "remains tarnished." i shall take this with me to my grave.

if you read down the posts you can see this whole story develop into something else: poor, defenseless worker has one of several possible medical conditions and is about to soil himself in his sanford-and-son truck. so he decides to enter an extravagant gated community to seek refuge at a porta-john 40 feet off the road, down a driveway and past a home that no one could possibly be living in, when he is suddenly confronted by mean-spirited-QUEEN b*tch dressed in lavish attire who, in front of her two young children, proceeds to humiliate and defile his basic human rights...

i like it. makes a great screenplay. can anyone add anything else? we're leaving out the part where i wrestle him to the ground and kick him in the head with my blahnik's ...and as the blood pours out from the fresh, gaping wound in his head, i spit at him. i then scold him for getting blood on my $600 shoes, turn on my heels and go back into my temporary palace where i go over the maneuvers i used to to torture this helpless stranger with my children, so they too can grow up to be as callous and inhumane as their mother.

to be continued... (i'm almost certain).

but please tell me: what do you call it when a man you don't know, that does not have any business being there proceeds to drive down a 40 foot driveway past an obviously occupied home to a private yard, exits his vehicle to use a p-o-p (which, ok, does not BELONG to me but sits in MY yard)?

when my son was still in diapers i needed to change him. so i stopped in to a local diner, ordered some fries and ate them ...quickly. i would never expect to just be able to pop in to a restaurant and use the bathroom. i get where you're coming from and as i said: it's NOT easy!

Hours later, your husband arrives at the courthouse to bring you home. Your kids are on the floor, out cold. They fell asleep while watching "South Park". They didn't even brush their teeth. It has been a long day and you need a cosmopolitan to take the edge off.

Morning brings sunlight and happier thoughts. A knock at the door interrupts your reverie. It is a sherrif with an envelope. You've just been served papers. The mad Port o potty perp is suing you.

Hee hee

Yes, it could be worse.

Instead of pushing the p-o-p even further back on your property, why not move it up by the road? That way if anyone does happen upon it they aren't really trespassing to use it and you provide an obviously much needed service. It's a win-win situation.

I realize it might not be the prettiest thing to look at but honestly after a couple of weeks sitting there, I really didn't notice it at all.

Any way,

"I'm Outta Here" in my jet-powered Porta-Potty

PEDOPHILE ABDUCTS LOCAL CHILD. A stranger pulls up to a construction site where children are playing. He asks the mother if he can use the restroom. She obliges. Assuming the mother has let her guard down, he comes out brandishing a weapon. He abducts one of the children...never to be seen again.

You can NEVER be too cautious these days where children are concerned!!

It's time for you to move on and let it die.

Since you're living on the property, have children and have the POP is deep into the lot, it's perfectly understandable that you reacted the way you did.

If your subs or contractor are on site, a perfect stranger using the POP would still be bizarre, but at least you're relatively safe.

I'd say lastly... There are few ways to protect yourself, all better left for more appropriate forums.

Take care,
Kimberly

You can NEVER be too cautious these days where children are concerned!!

Right. Wrap them in a smothering protective blanket for their entire childhood. That way they will start life as adults with no self confidence, a false sense of entitlement, and a complete distrust of humankind.

But you will have "protected" them.

I was in that poor man's position once - and very embarassed about it. But the alternative was much, much worse...

muddypond: i don't know what to say to that response. i'm in shock, really.

i wasn't going to look at this thread anymore but let's face it, it's a bit of a train wreck. and i wasn't going to tell you what happened TODAY, but i will.

so again i'm sitting in my living room and i watch yet ANOTHER truck pull up and park on the street in front of the existing, temporary structure. a a man i've never seen before makes his way down our driveway.
my children were NOT at home. i just sat here LMAO. really! i was almost in tears i was laughing so hard... there was no way i was going to believe someone was going to make an attempt to use that damn P-O-P again... and if he was there would be NO WAY i would tell you about it.
so i collect myself and go outside. he sees me and quickly says "hello" and tells me he is a friend of our architect. i almost asked him to tell me who that might be EXACTLY but he beat me to it. "i'm david's best friend. my name is tommy and he's designing a house for us so he told me it would be ok to swing by and have a look." remembering my architect mentioning his friend "tom" wanted a shingle style house much like ours i immediately welcomed him up to the build and showed him around. he was genuinely happy for us and told me how much he loves it. he asks if it might be ok to come back and bring his wife, to which i promptly agree. he asks about materials and i tell him i have everything in the house. we walk back down to the storage facility we call home and i invite him in. i show him our nichiha FC, the eldorado stone and the camelot roofing shingles. next i show him the walnut flooring samples i finished myself along with some of my landscape plans. we talk for about 1/2 and hour when suddenly he tells me to get all my jewelry and hand it over!

no. that didn't happen. but i couldn't resist.

so we talk and i tell him to come by anytime with his wife.
IF my kids were home i STILL would have invited him to the build and inside as well since i have heard of david speak his friend before. and because he was just one of those people you meet who seem so completely genuine ...unlike myself of course!

this has certainly been an interesting thread. and to be clear: i harbor no ill feelings towards anyone here. i don't have room in my head to remember who said what. but neesie, if you send me your addy i will put you on my holiday card list.

You don't have to say anything. It was directed at teach2007's allusion that anyone who needs to use a porta-john might be a pedophile waiting to snatch children, and you can NEVER be too careful.

I'm afraid the fear mongers are winning.

things happen every day. sadly, some things you read in the paper are true. i think of this family every day. and though you may view being wary of strangers as a way of "smothering" and nurturing a "false sense of entitlement" as well as a "complete distrust of humankind", many of us call it parenting.

a little closer to home: my ds, now six always complains when i make him go to the ladies room with me instead of allowing him in the mens room alone. we frequently have play dates in one of our county parks and even if we are with another boy, they MUST go in with me.
i'm glad i chose to suffer through his whining and tantrums as a man was recently taken in by the police for filming young boys inside the stalls.

i can assure you, pedophiles do exist. and rather than raise a child in need of therapy for the rest of his life because of one horrible incident, many parents choose to maintain the innocence of their beautiful children while at the same time educating them about the world and it's imperfections.

i certainly don't mean to get into anything with you ...definitely NOT my intention; but i think you'll be hard pressed to find an alliance over your very naive commentary.

i don't know why you would choose to react this way to teach2007's comments. i do believe the world has gone mad. muddypond, if you have children keep them safe, while at the same time allowing them to explore the good things in life under your watchful eye.

call me whatever but I am with you! We built on our farm so lived on site. We had a POP- right in front of one our barns ( all the way back the driveway- past both houses).

I don't know if it's a country person thing but as someone who has grown up in the country I have found out over the years that most country people take property issues a little more seriously than "townies". I really had a hard time living in town.... when the neighbors rode their dirt back thru our yard I about popped a vessel!

I was taught to be respectful of others property. I don't hunt/ride or walk without permission. I have dealt with people riding 4 wheelers, hunting, driving riding mowers with their grandkids ( on a field just sprayed with weed killer- duh) all on our property without permission. People are dolts. For many reasons you ask permission. You don't buy a 4-wheeler then assume your neighboring farmers are going to just let you ride on their place. You don't hunt one property and just "morph" onto the next...... because you don't know the property lines.

I would have been appalled if someone drove down my lane to use the POP... heck they could go 100 yards and pee in the woods! OUr POP provider lives down the road. He keeps dozens of those little gems right by his shop. Wonder if people stop and "use the facilities". Our neighbors across the road keep one out by their lake for entertaining. Wonder if people pull in and use it when nature calls and they happen to be driving by!!

I have a job in which I drive around to people's homes/farms. I wouldn't even use a client's barn rest room without asking permission. It's just ....well, polite!

I am so sorry to hear about your Mom....

PD

Wasn't nearly as vigilant before the munchkins...

I say again... you can NEVER be too careful in this day and age!

"Wrap them in a smothering protective blanket for their entire childhood. That way they will start life as adults with no self confidence, a false sense of entitlement, and a complete distrust of humankind...But you will have "protected" them."-Muddypond

I think it is a great shame to criticize a mother who confronts a stranger on her private property. There is a reason for the saying "Stranger Danger." As a former attorney in the Virginia Sexually Violent Predator Unit at the Attorney General's office, I know too well what harm a stranger can do to a family. It haunts my nightmares. Our unit was started because of perverts who did not just offend once, but who offended many times during their lives and spent many years developing tactics to approach their victims. I personally litigated cases against serial rapists, molesters, and abusers who had a fine tuned MO deliberately crafted to present themselves as the "nice" guy. To be fair, the vast majority of sex offenders are friends and family members who already know their victims -- that was the most eye opening aspect of my job. But be sure, there are also many offenders who are complete strangers. For example, one of my defendants was a man who would approach a home, knock, and ask for some water to put into his car which was broken down. Another would walk around an apartment complex casually running into the victim time and again and left her with the impression that he was a friendly neighbor. Quite a few had contracting jobs that they would keep secret from their Probation Officers, thus gaining them frequent access to homes with children. Then others were more direct and less crafty - the guy who crawls through the bedroom window, the parking garage rapist, the one who hid in the closet while the victim was at work. I really could go on and on. My fellow attorneys and I used to lament that the saddest part of our job was that we'd never "seen it all." These guys always have new ways of finding their victims.

Having reviewed first hand this kind of information, I would *never* accuse a mother of surrendering to the "fear mongerers" for confronting a stranger on her own property. That is her right and her duty. I think it is sad that society has come to this point, but we no longer live in a place where we can just take a person at their word. And note, I did say "person." We had female predators, as well.

Do I distrust all of humankind because of my experience? No. But I am 100% cautious about not letting my child open the door to strangers, keeping my dog nearby when dealing with strangers at my door, approaching any stranger who enters on my property, and ensuring that no contractor ever has an opportunity to be near my child alone. I cannot block out every unknown; but I and every responsible parent out there can "challenge and verify" every questionable situation if it may involve contact with me or my children. This isn't fear mongering. It's being aware and responsible.

Had she said, "am I wrong, being paranoid, overprotective" or any other adjective, this thread would have gone on but probably without the a-1 b*tch type of comments.

But the bottom line, it's your property. If you want to kick God himself off of it, thats your right. Just don't expect any pats on the back.

But you will have "protected" them.)

muddypond & jason,
Are you serious ????
I also venture to guess that neither of you have children. Protecting children from harm, apparent & hidden, is every parent's job. To suggest that parents are smothering their children if they keep them protected is not only very insulting to good parents everywhere, but also very uninformed.

There is nothing to suggest that children who are well loved and protected grow up with no self confidence or a sense of entitlement. What a ridiculous statement.

Actually children who have a stable base with parents who are attentive and protective fare much better in the real world. They trust more easily, are more likely to have higher self-confidence, challenge themselves and can venture out and become all that they are destined to be.

Your assertion that they will have a sense of entitlement because of being protected is almost laughable. Children who are over-indulged, given everything, are not held accountable may indeed have a sense of entitlement. But children who are kept safe from harm ????? Please don't confuse over-indulgence & protecting. They are 2 very different things.

FWIW - I am a homeschooling mom of 11, 10 of those children have never set foot in a public school. We guard their relationships, we protect them from harm, etc. My oldest 3 children who have graduated are functioning, healthy , productive members of society. Our oldest went to college, married, now works for us, is involved in various civic activities & very social. Our next, is a physics major and will go on to med school. Our next, just 18, works for us, but is planning on traveling for the next 2 years before he "decides" his career path. The children age 15 on down are still at home but enjoy an active social life, sports teams, educational challenges etc. We teach our children to serve others, help always, pretty much the golden rule. But we do protect them, I am sure you would call over protection.

Does this sound like a bunch of smothered, untrusting, losers? I don't think so. In fact, where we live, our children are the ones parents want to come over and play with their children. They know how to act in all situations, are kind, polite, etc. I know this is because they have parents who protect them, are diligent about keeping them away from harm. They have a solid base in which to go out from.

It is just like the old, used analogy . You don't put seedlings out in the forest or garden, you put them in a hothouse to grow, to get strong, to be able to withstand the elements etc. This way they will thrive, establish their roots and then go out to the big world . Simple, but it gets the point across.

BTW-

Local stories in our newspaper in the last 2 weeks. Small town also.
1. Police officer arrested for child porn ring, & pics found on computer. The police station was searched.
2. 9 yr. old girl brutally raped in popular, busy park. (this is one of our cities largest, busiest places)
3. girl knocked from bike, attempted stranger abduction.

And you would be wrong in your assumption, and insulting, as well.

The biggest school massacre in the country happened only miles up the road, but I don't homeschool because of it. The idea that the world is any worse, or more dangerous, or that people are any sicker now than they were 20 or 40 years ago is just that; an idea that's not backed up by evidence. Certainly the news sensationalizes it, but in my mind, moralizing about how others are as parents because they don't view the world as someone else might is just as bad as being flippant towards it.

And I completely agree with CharlieDawg; it IS the OPs property and she may do exactly as she pleases; but....people should not be offended when others would act differently on their own property.

And Kate, I'm terribly sorry about your loss.

I think muddyponds statement was considerably more "moralizing", and then your agreement with said statement.

BTW- we do not homeschool because of school violence. Do you remember Thurston HIgh, in Springfield OR? That school is in our school system, we homeschooled long before anything like that was happening. We homeschool because of the completely inept public school system in our area, (believe me I know it is not every school or every teacher).
But even if a parent decided to homeschool because of school violence, so be it and good for them.

I can't walk down the street and not fear I'll be robbed or abducted. When I was a child I'd be downtown when it was getting dark, catch the bus to come home from a day of goofing around with my friends, without any fear of being harmed. I'm a grown woman and couldn't pull that off today without a very strong chance I'd be robbbed, raped, beaten or killed.

If I had a child today I'd most probably keep it prisoner in fear of what could happen to it. So to parents, God bless you for being fearful for your children. In this sick world you need to be.

Speaking of child molesters. We receive an e mail bulletin from our local sheriff's office every time a sex offender moves into our parish, not just our neighborhood. I have 10 sicko's (convicted child molesters) who live just blocks from me. If I had a child it would never step foot outside my home without me right there to watch it.

Maybe some of you live in a Disney Land type community and good for you, but here in the big city, crime rules and ruins everything.

Just the threashold of what people will do today is not anything like it was 40 years ago. I can remember a day when a criminal would hesitate or not ever, shoot at a cop. Now, they use them for target practice without any fear, respect or remorse.

someone please make it stop.

i'm shocked at some of the attitudes and ideas some have; and extremely frightened.

Once in a while I think it is important to remember the following in regards to the internet...

We don't really know each other the way we would if we were speaking face to face so it is extrememly difficult to form a personal opinion about anything without that kind of info. I have no clue what it is like to live in another city hundreds if not thousands of miles away so it is very difficult to give a personal opinion about whether someone's action is a good decision or not. I live on the west coast of Canada about 15 miles from a capital city of perhaps 300 000. Many of us still leave our doors unlocked and are very open with most people we meet. We would not think to turn back a stranger in this kind of need. But if one lives in a larger city, they may think we are asking for trouble and seriously neglecting our children. Perhaps it is best not to ask anything but general questions unless we are prepared to deal with what we consider thoughtless or uneducated answers.

In regards to people's personal life....once again, while I personally feel badly for anyone who is dealing with any kind of personal loss, I don't know how a person can expect someone to read every thread on even just the Home forums and keep track of every single person and their personal life. That is why once again, it may be best to stick with general questions and trust our close friends, with personal situations that may be troubling to us.

I am sure that no one wants people to feel badly about things that they have posted. But really when you think about it, how can anyone feel badly about something that is posted about them, when they know deep down, that the person doing the writing knows absolutely nothing about them, their family, their personal life, nothing. Most of all we don't know who is replying to our messages. Maybe the people that we consider hurtful are dealing with issues of their own. Maybe they believe that their answer is appropriate and if we knew them personally we would understand what they are trying to say. We don't see their expressions, we don't hear the way they are expressing themselves, and these are important clues when communicating with one another. There are so many things in a human to human communication, that we give each other, to help us better understand where the other person is coming from. That is lost when we are talking to a computer screen. Just to give you an example, when the original poster asked the reader to give it to her straight, I thought she was just being thoughtless and the person she turned away was someone she considered not worth her time. I really thought she needed to get a clue and learn to be more compassionate. When she asked people to be straight and tell her if she was a B**** or not I really felt that she was challenging us to disagree with the stand she took and I was actually blown away by the post to begin with. I knew there would be people up to the challenge and this thread was going to be controversial. Now it comes out that this was not her intention at all. But that is what happens when you get small snipets of info and no actual communication. Then there was another poster who was writing to validate her fear for her children's safety but I actually thought that that poster was mocking her fear and I was appalled when I read it. I thought it was so inappropriate. Then I find out that I was totally wrong! That poster was supporting her notion that you can never be too careful!!

So I guess what I am trying to say is debate with each other, ask for people to give it to you straight....not that you need my permission..lol...but when we do that, be prepared for all kinds of reactions. Letting it get to the point where we take it personally or let our blood pressure head for the stratosphere....it just isn't worth it....afterall....this is just the internet!

Crazy, isn't it? Maybe its cabin fever.

This place is at its best when specifics are being discussed. There are some fantastic contributors here in that regard.

Matters of stress, disappointment, family and judgment are best left to our own company.

Sorry to add another post to this thread, but I just wanted to say a quick "thanks" for the encouragement and to offer my condolences on your loss. (I tried to send you an e-mail to this effect but couldn't tell how to do it.)

Best,

Jeff

No, but someone did attack a huge island 50 years ago and kill more. But then again; that has NOTHING to do with what is being discussed.

Kate; it's simple; send a note to a moderator.

Do not take this wrong but if you confronted this person, you must not have felt threatened by him.

The reason I say this is I live in a rural area on a private road and I confront trespassers all the time. If I sense something is not right or if the person is too close to the house, I confront them from a distance or from the door of the house and ask them to leave.

I would place no trespassing signs on the property.This will probably not stop people from using the POP but in my area if someone trespasses a second time after being warned, they can be arrested.

Hope this helps...

I normally don't respond to these posts, but the gentleman apologized a few times and she refused to tell him it was ok. It is her right as a property owner, I completely agree. But I don't think he would have used it if he knew anyone was home, and that leads me to think that the kids weren't even outside or in view of the man. so how threatening could he really be if all he was doing was using the POP. It wasn't like he was wandering around her property. When you think about it 40 feet really isn't that far into someone's property to have to go to use a POP. Why wasn't it further away from the construction site, like further or halfway down from where it was? Isn't there ordinances about how far away from the site it should be for safety and privacy purposes? All these questions spring to mind about this situation.

I wouldn't go as far as calling you the bad word, but I do think it was pretty much blown out of proportion and you felt bad and wanted everyone to tell you that you did a great job protecting your home and children.

I have one daughter and another on the way, so I know what it's like to be over protective, but all these questions I have just makes me question Kate's motives on telling us and how the situation really was.

~ Homemade

Kate- I'm sorry about your loss. And, I hope that the build goes smoothly. Have you already put up your no-trespassing signs? And, have you considered a gate?

Lucky for the POP man he didn't come into my neighborhood, he would have had more than a "need to go" problem after meeting one of my neighbors and their Smith and Wesson!

Kat :)

Today's headline in our local paper was warning parents of a suspicious vehicle in the area that had made 3 separate attempts to pick up children.

Kate, how we doing?

i'm going to sleep. have to get ready for a big day tomorrow. i plan on standing guard behind one of the old maples with my brandy-new walnut stock smith and wesson, ready to take aim at anyone who dares to venture down the drive. the kids have off from school, so this is a great opportunity for me to teach them the fine art of assassination. after we've 'offed some trespassers we can dig holes for them in the basement since they haven't poured the cement yet. the kids can drive the limp and lifeless bodies out to the build on their little electric cars. ds has a john deer tractor 4x4 which would probably work better than dd's pink barbie escalade. should be a fun day. i'll allow the UPS guy deliver packages safely. see? i'm plenty kind.

this is 37 ...no?

Have a good day everyone! :)

Kat

And may the subject forever rest in peace