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DH's 40th bday-need ideas

Posted by Amy_H (My Page) on
Wed, Apr 27, 05 at 1:23

DH is turning 40 in a little over a week. I had originally planned to have a big bash at the new house, but we are nowhere close to being in. I was planning on doing a blast from the past thing and inviting some old buds. Well, it is obviously too late for that plan. I also thought about moving it to a restaurant, but now have waited to long to invite old friends who live far away. Maybe I'll save that for 50th. We might be done with house by then.

So anyway, I am out of ideas and obviously money since we are building. I'm thinking about buying him something ridiculously expensive that we can't afford, but I really could use that money for doorknobs or something. I thought about just inviting family for a joint Mother's Day/surprise party at a restaurant and decorating the old house, the new house, his truck, and work vehicle with incredibly gaudy black decorations.

So does anyone have any better ideas on how to recognize him on this biggie? If you passed 40, what was done for you? What would you want done for you? I'm too mentally drained from this whole building thing to be creative.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: DH's 40th bday-need ideas

I'm turning the big 4-0 in two weeks. We are just wrapping up our big build project too. This is just me, but I have NO desire for a big bash right now. If you're feeling drained from the building process am I correct in assuming your dh is too? While a party can be fun, often pulling one off (esp. surprise parties) is really stressful. Could you wait and do it a little later? He'd really be surprised then!

We're planning a big bash for this summer. It's a combo housewarming and five year celebration for me. I'm an ovarian cancer survivor and officially made it to my five year mark a couple weeks ago. Yippee!!!! The docs were so SO wrong about my prognosis and I am so SO glad! Anyway, I can't be sad about turning 40 - birthdays are a cause for celebration for me! :)


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RE: DH's 40th bday-need ideas

Other than giving him a new truck, new motorcycle, a 30 pack of his favorite and a group of dancing girls, I can't think of a thing.


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RE: DH's 40th bday-need ideas

For my husband's 50th, I slipped a CD with "Lady in Red"
(he just loves that song) under his car seat along with a birthday card with an address (a luxury hotel). My neighbor kept the girls--about an hour before he left for work I called him and told him to check under his car seat. I was waiting for him in the room--dressed in red. I guarantee your husband will love this "gift." It's easy, not too expensive, and memorable.

And Mizzou, I know you understand about 50 year old husbands. He was so jet lagged that after dinner he konked out on me. . . . .


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Jodie... congrats on your 5 year mark!! I know that's gotta be a huge milestone in your life :)

Amy... for my friend's 30th bday her DH just took her out to dinner, except he called everyone he knew and they all met at the restaurant around the same time, but sat at different tables. They "ran into" each other there. They all paid their own tabs, met in the waiting area of the restaurant and decided to spontaneously go "clubbing" afterwards for drinks/dancing. You could do something along the same lines, but if it's not drinks/dancing he's into, then maybe movie and coffee afterwards? Something along those lines?


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RE: DH's 40th bday-need ideas

Well, DH and I are both 47. To be perfectly honest, I can't remember anything special being done when either of us turned 40. (sigh) As an alternate idea that is pretty dull, DH says a man can never have too many clamps. He loves them in all sizes.

Jodie, ditto Brittta's comments. HUGE congrats!

demi: My DH also likes those kind of "gifts." :-) Doesn't even have to be in a hotel, although that just adds to the drama! The 30-pack of dancing girls is a nice idea, too. (Disclaimer: this paragraph has nothing to do with the clamps mentioned in the first paragraph!)


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LOL okwriter!! Not that there's anything wrong with that... hehehe (quoting a beloved Seinfeld episode)

Amy, you could always skip the black decorations and load up your place with those rental pink flamingos on the lawn... 40 of them ;)


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RE: DH's 40th bday-need ideas

Keep em coming. I'll be turning 40 in less than 6 years and I dont want to forget any of these good ideas.


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RE: DH's 40th bday-need ideas

Jodie,
Congrats on the milestone! I love it when the drs. are wrong about these "dates". You really should take time to celebrate on your big day. I know what you mean about being too drained to party. DH is amazingly fresh since he isn't pulling his weight on the whole building project. I'm a little exhausted and grouchy, though. I actually thought about waiting until 50 for the big bash, and doing something simpler for 40.

Mizzou,
Did you not read the whole post. ;) I said I am out of money due to the financial drain of building this house. Although, now that you mention it, if I give dh a new truck, new motorcycle, a 30 pack of his favorite and a group of dancing girls maybe he will ride off into the sunset on the bike with his harem in the truck bed headed for the no-tell motel. I'll throw a suggestive cd in the pickup and some clamps in the glove box to be used by the dancing women. This is beginning to sound like a movie I saw a long time ago. Do you know the theme somg? Bom chicka a mow mow (mow rhymes with cow, not lawnmower)

I knew I could count on you guys to help me out! You always have such good ideas when you put your heads together!! DH will be so surprised!

Actually, for our annniversary 2 yrs ago, I packed our bags and kidnapped him after work to go out of town to the Corvette Museum and Factory in KY. It was a total surprise. I didn't even tell him where we were going until we were almost there. It was one of those all about testosterone weekends. He has quite a tshirt collection from that trip.

If I can't arrange the harem, maybe I could manage for the 2 of us to get away without all the extra babes. Good idea, demifloyd.

Brittta, good idea. A restaurant and "group date" would be easy to plan, just reservations and a few phone calls. I do like the tacky lawn ornament idea. I want to make sure he is appropriately embarassed. ;)

tnlamar, why wait until you are 40? You can have a pickup full of dancing girls right now on pay per view.

I had a really crappy day hanging insulation by myself in dh's 4 car garage while dh watched the power co hook up our permanent power. Don't they do that for a living EVERY DAY without his supervision???? I might just send him on that trip to the motel if I can round up 30 girls. Thanks for the laugh, guys. I needed it tonight. I am right on the verge of a breakdown. I am thinking about running away from home. Now that I know what DH is getting for bday, someone please continue the thread with ideas of places I can run to on a little tiny budget. Somewhere that sound legit, not fun. I don't want people to think that I can't handle the stress of building. I though that maybe I could say I have to go look at kitchen cabs at IKEA, about a 6 hr. drive. Of course I would need to spend the night. Running away to Hawaii makes me look irresponsible, so I use the cabs. as a front. Anyone with me???? And NOOOO Mizzou, I can't bring the dancers! They will be busy helping dh finish the insulation in the rest of the house.


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RE: DH's 40th bday-need ideas

You could always just get him a 6 pack and a girls gone wild video then take a nap.


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Ah, 1965! It was a grand year!

My childhood friends and I turn 40 this year too. Two weeks ago we went to Saratoga Springs for the night to party like it was 1983 and celebrate 3 of them hitting the mark together. We had a blast and enjoyed the chance to reconnect without husbands, partners or kids. We went to dinner at an elegant restaurant, shopped, hit the Racino and caught up on each other's lives.

We had our cards read by a tarot reader and did some other mumbo jumbo future seeking thing as a group. It was an entertaining blast to see what the future holds for us. (I was told that I had an illness in my "now." The next day my son came down with a wammy stomach virus that lasted 6 days. I was told that sage advice by a craftsman shouldn't be ignored. My builder kept suggesting I change something, and from a practical sense, it makes all the difference in the world so I changed it and got oak stairs instead. I should also be coming into money soon....still waiting on that....)

So, my suggestion is to give him a free weekend away with the boys to just have some fun.


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tnlamar, that is the best idea yet. You are brilliant. I'm serious.

Country living, I like everything about your idea except for one tiny detail. I'm the one that needs to get away alone. He isn't going anywhere.

I feel the rapid respone team coming on. Everybody work on your one liner about "How does a marriage survive building a house." or "How do I relieve the stress of building?"
Today in 5 minutes I almost fist fought my dh and the plumber, and the manager of Burger King. The plumber, who is very frustrated with plumbing my shower said to me, "You're not worth all the trouble this shower has caused me." D@mn it if I didn't have to fight back tears. As all of these smart @ss responses fought with the desire to say something to try to convince him that I am worth it, I realized that I am not married to him, I am paying him to plumb my f^cking shower. We have joked around since the beginning of this project, and I have dished it out myself. I've been riding him about kicking the cigs habit. He joked that he needed to go home and smoke a joint after plumbing my shower. We ended up laughing because he had some strong fumes coming from a brush used to apply adhesive and was pretending to huff the brushes. I jerked them out of his hand (he thought he was going to hear me lecture him about some deadly lung disease) and I said,"If anybody needs to get high around here, it's me." Then the electrician (who is also stressed, but pretty straight laced) took them out of my hand and started to act like he was sniffing them. The plumber said, "If you guys really want to get high, then take the whole can and get in that hot tub out there and pull the lid over it." Sounded like he'd already been there, done that. I started ROTHLMAO with this mental image of me, the plumber, and the electrician out there in the empty hot tub, with the lid over us passing a can of glue around.

Anyway, about 3 minutes after recovering from near nervous breakdown #567, I said something and DH said, "Wait a minute. Somebody stop the world and let Amy get off." Plumber and electrician are stunned. I said that they better get out of the way, because I'm getting ready to whip up on DH. Plumber said he was getting ready to push him in my direction.

Seriously, I am a little scared about the fact that I'm so sensitive and edgy lately. I know that I need a break from the stress of building. I'm afraid that I am going to crack. I am way too emotional. I am drained physically and mentally. You always read that building brings issues in a marriage to a head, and I know that lots of marriages fail while under the stress of building. DH and I have been through much, much worse (loss of both of his parents, job loss while pregnant, etc), but I was always the one holding him together when he was upset. I really can't hold MYSELF together, and he isn't helping hold me together.

I have been trying for several days to rationalize. I'm truly worn out, we are feeling pressure of wrapping up rough ins so rock can go in, we have been out of town for the weekend twice(kids activities and appliance shopping) that was exhausting, I haven't been sleeping well because my body is aching as evidenced by my 3:30 a.m. ramblings. I feel myself reaching the breaking point over and over . I'm afraid that I will do something that I will regret (leaving dh, kids, hurting someone in a violent rage). I know that I need to step back and get some relief from these feelings. Everyone in my family is on my nerves. Everyone around me for that matter. I am trying to keep a sense of humor, but it is SO HARD. I have waited too long to make important decision. I'm so indecisive, though. I still haven't ordered kitchen cabs yet. I have to get my current house on the market. I had Spring Break last week, took yesterday off, and I don't think I can make it until the weekend. I need a break from EVERYTHING (house, dh, kids, work, people) and honestly CAN'T take one. I have been thinking about going somewhere alone for a day or two, but I really can't afford to take that break from the house. Things have to get done or rockers can't start on schedule.

OK, fire away. Just remember, I'm ready to go postal and I WILL use my spy cam and hacker knowlege to stalk you. I will hunt you down, and I will plead insanity and dh, the plumber, and electrician will totally back me up on that plea.


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RE: DH's 40th bday-need ideas

Amy, I think I'm living your nightmare too, as many of us are/have. The problem is getting away. Of course, I haven't had time to do this myself, but what about a day at a spa--massage, facial? No, if you're like me you'd be even more stressed because you'd have time to think about all the things that are going wrong, only you could visualize it better with your eyes closed. Never mind.
As Jerry Seinfield would say, "I got nothin."


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RE: DH's 40th bday-need ideas

I'm not even sure the BAHRR team can help with this. I think we need a BAH-SWAT Team for Amy. Who was it that mentioned Valium?


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RE: DH's 40th bday-need ideas

A-hem...


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RE: DH's 40th bday-need ideas

Lexapro (20 mg) and Jack nightly. Kept me from jumping off the nearest bluff.

Hey Amy, One thing I've done in the past for 40th is to hand around a video cam to friends and family to make a testament video. Most people record stupid stories. Mom might get sentimental. You show it after the cake. Cake; Chocolate with Chocolate frosting. Make little 3 inch cardboard tombstones that say Stupid stuff like R.I.P. or Drank himself to Death...Whatever. Place them on the cake and here and there dig out the cake from the frosting to make it look like a grave dug up, leaving the dug up cake on top.

Most of my "Private" ideas are WAYYYYY too X-rated. But then, that's just me. It is fun to take them shopping at Frederick's, try stuff on and come out to show him how they look (skimpier the better)...then watch him have to (Ahem) stand behind a clothing rack cause something has "popped up." Then you can get dressed, leave the dressing room and walk toward the front saying loudly, "Honey, come on (no pun intended), I'm ready to go. WHY are you just STANDING THERE?" It's a barrel of laughs. You'll forget all about building ;)

Gee, 65 I was 11 years old and Groovin' to the Beatles. Sigh........

TNNotAlwaysALady!!


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demifloyd, thanks for trying anyway. Someone suggested a massage, but I don't want anyone to touch me. Get your freakin hands off of me!!

TNLady, I have seriously considered calling the dr. for something to at least kill the muscle pain and knock me out at night. I hate to take stuff, though. Cake sounds good. MMM chocolate. Doesn't it alter your mood? Might be able to kill 2 birds with one stone. I like the shopping idea. No Fred's here, but we get the catalog. I'm too tired to shop anyway. Might just have to get out the catalog and let him shop alone. Ha ha. Will save time and save me energy..


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Fred's????????????? Why would anybody want to shop at Fred's. That's kinda like the "Dollar General Store"........... isn't it?????


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"Fred"erick's of Hollywood. They have the cheap, skimpy, trashy stuff men really love women to wear for SOME reason!! Ok Elvis, it ain't a motorcyle store (I know how your brain works and sends your DW my sympathy ;)>>

Amy, I've never taken anything in my life and was scared too. I go to a Nurse Practitioner who spends like an hour with me every time and is awesome ~ much more so then regular Docs. At any rate, all this pressure with the house, Mom being sick and some other stuff had my blood pressure up and I couldn't sleep ~ normally I'm pretty together (no comments from the Peanut Gallery) and super healthy. She recommended the Lexapro and insisted I wouldn't have side-effects and it would just take the edge off. I said I'd "try." Well, it's truly amazing. It's diff then prozac or zoloft stuff in how it works though it does stimulate that "feel good" Serotonin. You simply don't have anxiety about stuff, feel very together, sleep better BUT you have no idea you are taking anything. You can go off of it any time without any side effects also. I'm still on it since I've got my 91-year-old Mom to take care of...Hey, it's that or lot's of Carbs to stimulate Serotonin. That's another thing; I've lost a little bit of weight. I also don't gain in spite of what I eat. That happens for some and not others but it's unusual for me to push my plate away when I've only eaten 75% of what is there ~ and I don't snack anymore. As you can tell, I'm a fan ~ and never thought I would be of anything like that. Keep in mind we live in a much higher stress environment then our human predecessors and maybe, just maybe, it's OK to take something to get life "Back To Kilter."

And then there's always Jack or a Good Merlot. Is it 5:00 in the world anywhere???

TNLady

P.S. Mom was having depression after she moved here, wishing she would die and now is totally cheery on Lexapro and has no side effects either. She's just quit worrying...


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RE: DH's 40th bday-need ideas

I'm gonna have to get me some of that! Actually, I slept 12 hours last night thanks to 4 motrins killing the body aches and feel quite a bit better. Another night like that and I might be up to going away to lay on a beach and have an island boy bring me drinks while I listen to the crash of the waves and the call of the seagulls. Right now I'm too tired to pack a bag. I've never been much of a drinker, although I'm really considering becoming a lush. Just a drink or 2 wouldn't do it. Lexapro with the 2 drinks might work, though.


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RE: DH's 40th bday-need ideas

Let's face it, building a house (esp. if you're gcing yourself) is extremely stressful. You're right, it strains most marriages - it did ours. Dh was the one who knew all the subs but at the end he just could not deal with the stress and he just kind of checked out, leaving me holding the ball. I think I could have used that Lexapro, but I knew (just KNEW) that all our discomfort would be worth it and it is! However, no house is worth sacrificing a marriage and family over - try to find a way to reconnect, even if it's running to HD together and picking up a burger on the way.

We've been in our new house for about a month now and life is pretty darn good. Keep telling yourself that this is temporary and it too shall pass. I'd also recommend getting as much sleep as you can - that sure makes a difference in how I handle stress the next day. Could dh take over more of the other responsibilities (household type stuff and children and their activities) if you spend more time at the new house? Do have any family that could help out?

I was going to add this to the BAHRR list: If it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger. Think how strong you'll be when this is all done!


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Amy, can you get about $70 together? I am recommending a night away from home in the local Holiday Inn Express or other chain hotel in their Jacuzzi room. On a weekday you can get them cheaper. Take some bleach with you and run the tub with cold bleach water just over the jets for a while to get the jets and tubes clean, then run again with clean water to rinse. Then filler up with a hot bath and float in that baby unti the jets have you lulled and your soreness all gone. You can take the motrins before your bath, but then you have to save the Jack until after the bath or you'll tear up your stomach. The only substance abuse alowed during the bath is chocolate (the 70% dark stuff is best and won't give you a sugar high). Get a nice dinner delivered, or bring your favorites with you. If you can lose yourself in a novel, bring a good one along. Or enjoy a movie on TV or PPV (without interruption from kids, DH, or dogs). Sleep as late as you like, get breakfast from the continental breakfast room and then go back and take another long soak in the tub. DO NOT leave until check out time. No cell phones allowed on this trip, and give the phone number to only one person whose job it is to determine the lethality risk of the crisis before contacting you about it.


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RE: DH's 40th bday-need ideas

Well, guys, it's Sunday night and I didn't make it to the house one time this weekend. I slept late both days and walked 3 miles in a walk a thon for diabetes research today. Moving a little felt good. I used to walk 5 miles a day, back in the good old days. I really need to make time to do that more often. I am a little more rested and actually feeling almost normal, but unfortunately it is back to work tomorrow and the insulation is nowhere close to finished. That's ok because I can't get the srocker there anyway.

Jodie, each little thing that gets finished helps me envision actually living there. DH and I are killing ourselves together at the house, so if I am at the house he usually is too. We had a heart to heart and he is actually being much more supportive during my breakdown.

Nancy in Mich, I think I am going to do exactly as you suggested. I ordered appliances about 2 hours away and some couldn't be delivered, so I have to pick them up. I think I am going to take a friend with me and hide in a hotel for the weekend when they come in. That should be any day now.

Thanks, everyone. I was really cracking last week. I don't know why everything was getting to me. I always have a lot on my plate. I'm the girl that did her student teaching pregnant and went back to finish when dd was 11 days old. I knew she was sleeping the whole time I was gone and it was then or never. I'm a glutton for punishment. Anyway, I know I'm doing way too much, but it's not like I've never been busier. I'm usually a lot stronger than this. I just don't know why I am losing it mentally now of all times. Amyway thanks for all the support during my nervous breakdown. I hope it is over, although this has happened 20 times in the last month. I cry at the drop of a hat. I'm going to bed now, hopefully to avoid breakdown #368.


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Ah, if only we were closer... We've got about two dozen insulators in our employment. Most people insulate their house once and then they tell us that we can have the job next time! Back in the good old days (?) I used to help dh insulate when we were busy. I was the hopper feeder. I opened the bags of fibreglas and dumped them in the machine that chops it up and feeds it up the hose. Back then we had a small machine and I could easily keep up, according to dh I'd be no match for the new machines we use... Fine by me!

I hope this week goes better for you. Wish your dh a happy 40th from another soon to be 40yo!


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Sooooooooo..... what's the plan???????? Time's running out here. Tell us what your gonna do.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com I'm ready to party !!!Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosted by Photobucket.com


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RE: DH's 40th bday-need ideas

I took all of the great advice here and did the whole "motorcycle, truck, booze, babes, clamps, sleazy music in a hotel" thing.


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RE: DH's 40th bday-need ideas

Amy, maybe we should have a double party! I doubt that dh has anything up his sleeve. Like you, he's too burned out on the house project. We could combine forces and have a wing ding. 'Course W.Virginia and WI aren't that close - who gets to travel? We could make a very large road trip! Our house is pretty much done so maybe you should come on over here. We could invite the entire BAH gang - if they're up for it. I'd say let's go to Disney World except that seems inappropriate here on BAH - ;)


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RE: DH's 40th bday-need ideas

Jodie, I'm ready whenever you are. I've got a great idea! We could have it at my house. Everyone bring a piece of trim or a door.


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RE: DH's 40th bday-need ideas

How did it go?


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