And what is low-lights and high-lights? Do they use bleach or color for these?

I want to get my hair colored but I'm confused about what to ask for. My hair was light blonde and as I've gotten older it's turned to a boring mousy brown that just doesn't look good on me. My hair is about shoulder-length with fine hair.

I tried highlighting but after awhile the bottom becomes all light hightlights and the top is mixed. Just didn't like it.

So for the last two years I've been using home coloring in an ash blonde but the color gets lighter on the ends over time of coloring it and the color looks flat. I'm ready for a change!

I'd like to go to a base color like my boring mousy brown but have caramel or blonde strands worked in. My hope is that upkeep will be to just have to add caramel/blonde streaks added as it grows out.

So what should I be asking for? I ask the stylist but the discussion that ensued left me deciding just to get my hair cut for now and wait on coloring. Part of the problem is my lack of knowledge and truthfully after our discussion I had serious doubts that she knew what to do. Lots of talk but no "best solution" was offered.

I need to understand all the terms so I can make sense of the options they are offering.

And can anyone tell me how to get my hair colored the way I want?

Most highlights are just bleach as well,but as strong as frosting.You normally do not leave them on as long depending on what color highlights you want.Some have color that you mix in,others dont and you have to color over them after highlighting.

You said your hair gets lighter over time using an all over ash color? Are you coloring ONLY the roots or all over? Only the roots should be colored when they start to show as coloring all over can lead to hair breakage and is called color layering.Porous ends should be trimmed when they become lighter.

At this point it may be easier to go in and get an ALL over low lighting done. Low lighting is the opposite of highlighting. It darkens instead of lightens to add dimension and depth.
The stylist could add both light brown and caramel brown lowlights to your hair,giving you the desired effect.
My advice is to take some pictures of a color you like to show to the stylist.

Also,you want to check out this website for more help and advice:
http://talk.hairboutique.com/forum_topics.asp?FID=33

Frosting and Highlighting are not necessarily two different things although they are thought of as two different things.

Frosting: Typically thought of as pulling the hair through a cap and applying bleach and possibly a toner The results can be light or heavy depending on how much hair was pulled through. This is considered an "outdated" application and leaves very little opportunity to incorporate other colors. When using this technique on "mousy" hair it can leave it looking greyish and does nothing for the overall color.

Highlighting:
This would likely be the most appropriate term for what you're looking for.
They can foil your hair with a couple of different colors. They can also give you a full color application and follow that up with some foiling around the face with a few colors to give it the highlights you're looking for.
Lowlights are simply the opposite of highlights... they're darker.

The thing to remember when you're getting your hair colored is that color does not lighten color
So for instance, if I dye my hair light brown this week and next week I want it blonde then I have to strip the brown out before the blonde will do anything.
However if I want to dye my fake blonde to brown I can do that without having to strip/bleach the blonde out first.

I'm just mentioning that because depending on the hair (virgin, color treated) the product used to achieve your desired result can vary.

I would suggest that you find some photos of hair color that you like ...as many as possible actually and take those to a stylist that can give you a proper consultation and service.

Good luck and have fun with it!