Oh, I was a military brat and an officer's wife as well, and the protocol was so defined, one even knew before the fact where they'd be seated at a function or park in the lot outside. Neither of my parents were 'high society', but of a generation where upward mobility was linked to 'what other people' thought. Since America didn't have royalty, we had to invent them and it was done in social circles. I do a lot of historical and genealogical research, and anyone my age or older knows very well how the society section of the paper read. It was the common mass' fifteen minutes of fame and nobody begrudged it to them. Oh gosh.......not that protocol should dissolve completely. I still cringe at white shoes worn before Memorial day, sandals in winter, school jackets worn over formals, and bridal gowns designed like somebody forgot to cover their underwear, complete with corset stays showing as well as a mountain of cleavage all the while a veil over the face denoting modesty. rofl. After googling the popular W**martian U-tube videos nothing shocks me anymore and a really pretty red sweater and Tuxedo pants for a wedding strikes me as beautifully appropriate. Enjoy yourself.

Scarlett, thanks for "allowing me to say "screw it". That about sums up how my hubby and kids feel as well as me. At least a good part of me feels. I've tried my best to change the relationship for over 20 years and gotten no where. I continued to try because my mother was alive and continued to want me to. No matter what I did, it never changed. On the other hand, it would be nice for it to, but at this point I don't forsee it happening. My daughter asked me yesterday, if the situation changed, would you ever be able to believe in or trust the change or would you be looking for the "underlying reason and what they are up to". I told her I didn't know and she said she would never trust them after all these years. When I told her that I didn't like her attitude and her taking sides or being caught in the middle between the parents on both sides, her comment was "we have been, both of your kids, because you have been trying so hard for so many years and keep getting shot down and we see how it has affected you. You gave custom handmade graduation gifts to both of my cousins along with graduation cards and only got 1 thank you note from one of your nieces, and both of you kids didn't even get an acknowledgement on either their HS of college graduations. You sent them pics of us from graduations and you got nothing. When grandma died, they wiped out her apartment of almost everything before you and dad got there at the time you where told to meet them there. When we got there, there was nothing left for us to take and everything my brother and I gave our grandmother was gone. When we said something about the stuff, your brother and sister-in-law told us we where lying that their kids gave grandma everything and we gave them nothing. All my brother and I have is a coffee mug we each gave her one year that says "worlds best grandma". They took everything else. So how can you say we aren't caught in the middle. You didn't put us in the middle, they did." She's right about all she said, and I could add so many more things. The reasons for going to this wedding are really not the right reasons to go; because my mother would want me to, to spite them if that's the reason we where invited, ETC. One thing I've learned in the past few years of my health not being good is that life is to short and you never know when your health will be good or bad. Take the advantages of good health and enjoy them, deal with the bad when you have to, but don't torture yourself with what could have been and what you should have done and didn't do. You can't change that. I would love to add a family tie in to a wedding gift for my niece, but I don't have anything to give them. My mother left no will and they left me and my children with very little of anything of hers. As for recipes, well I sent them some after my mother died and was told not to send any more, they don't want them and through out what I sent them. I've spent quite a bit of time talking with my hubby, my kids and my best friend about what is the right thing to do and have pretty much decided, with all of them agreeing, that it's time to put this chapter of life to rest. My health, both physical and mental is far more important than any wedding to attend. I've been through several years of serious orthopedic and spinal health problems, several surgeries for them and am still trying to get back on me feet. Mentally, I'm just too drained from all that I've dealt with in the past couple of years to deal with the any more attempts to salvage something that no one who knows us and the situation believes is there to salvage. My family and friends have been through too much with me to see me suffer or be hurt or insulted again with this family situation. The words are "enough is enough, time to end the torture for yourself. Going to this wedding will be a physical strain on you that you shouldn't do, it may very well set back your recovery again, and you've had enough things happen to set you back that where beyond your control, but this one is." Being honest with myself, what they have said is true. My brother doesn't know anything about the health issues I've had or the spinal surgery, so I can't say anything negative about no contact with them over that. I never called him, nor did my hubby or kids. None of us saw any need to. The people that where important to us knew and where there to help me out with whatever help I needed for the past year and are still doing. I wouldn't expect my brother to have done anything. So, at this point in time, the invitation will be declined. I will send in the RSVP declined and the same day I mail that I will send a letter briefly explaining health issues that include spinal surgery and one set back after the other. I had hoped to be recovered enough to attend, but after seeing my spinal surgeon this past week, his advise is I am not medically or physically capable of attending the wedding or reception. I wish my niece the best and all the happiness in the world and when I am recovered enough, we would love to get together and catch up, see pics of the wedding etc. I will also send a note to my niece as well and will send a gift. It won't hurt to be the one to be courteous and polite. I was brought up that way, brought my children up that way as well. My daughter though, asked to have her name and her brothers included on the gift card when we send the gift and they will contribute to the gift. Again thanks for the advise. It is much appreciated.

Another thing to consider is how far/long people will be traveling to your wedding. If someone lives an hour away, they will probably leave home by 6:30, in order to get to the wedding site and find a parking space and get into the venue, plus a few minutes extra time in case of getting lost/construction/accident on the road. That means that they might be eating dinner at 5:00 or 5:30, and getting ready at 6 pm at the latest. So by 9 pm, there's a good chance they might need more than cake, mints, and chips to keep them going. So substantial finger foods are a good idea, unless you want the guests to leave early in search of food. I agree that for an 8 pm wedding, a meal isn't necessary afterwards. But I do think hosts have to take into consideration travel/prep time for their guests. If everyone's staying at the same resort and is just walking down the beach to the wedding, that's one thing. But if many of the guests are driving from home, they may be eating dinner pretty early in order to make the wedding on time.

Do you actually have the dress in your possession? It looks like from that pic of the back that it's fully lined, at least from the waist down. If there are cups in the front, there surely has to be some lining there, too, because the way it's cut it doesn't look like the lining would start at the waist in the front. It really just looks like it's more sheer in the upper part of the back where you don't need lining or a slip. Hopefully one of those backless bustiers will work perfectly and it won't need a slip or lining.