Bosses don't count......the pre-requisite for being a boss, is to be a jerk, be inconsiderate, discriminatory, stupid, and above all else, to expect the impossible, all of the time. (The main concern of business today, is to drive up the stock value, so management can cash in their stock options, and become millionaires, before they get booted.) Naturally you have to be foolish to accept a position in supervision, in the first place, because management behaves the same way, towards bosses. Can you tell I have a degree in business??? (smile) I guess I know too much about what they all do. Now it just irritates the fire out of me. Better to be ignorant and tolerant of the folly, rather than ethical and sensible.

Depends. From my experience, there are two types of sloppiness... one caused by being disorganized, and one by just being a lazy, slobby person. My husband is a perfect example of the former. He will cram something into any space at all... no organization skills whatsoever. His dresser drawers have various and sundry items just wadded up and stuffed in anywhere. No designated "underwear" drawer, "sock drawer", etc. I cannot tell you how many times at the beginning of our marriage I got to the point where I couldn't stand it, sorted it all out, organized it, and even labeled the drawers - only to have it look exactly as it did before, just a week later. I have since given up on that. His workbench in the garage is no better. I buy him various organizing items, which he refuses to use. Everything is just heaped into a big pile on the table there. If he can't find what he wants (wonder why?!), he simply goes out and buys a replacement item! So, we probably have at least 10 hammers in this house - can I find even one? No! (Finally decided I would buy my own set of tools - in hot pink -so he hopefully won't abscond with those and lose them, too!). And we won't even get into his inability to shut a cabinet or appliance door - let's just say I have bruises top to bottom thanks to his lack of consideration in that department! Now.... if you think this guy is just a natural slob or that his family must have set a poor example for him when he was a kid - you'd be wrong. His mom is a total neat freak (even irons underwear and waxes the sink!) and he and his siblings were required to help clean the house top to bottom every single Saturday for 5 hours as a child - and to iron all of their own clothes, too - which he still cheerfully does - (mine, too, on occasion, lucky me!) - although why, I'll never know, when he then just stuffs them willy-nilly into any drawer! He CAN be organized in certain areas of his life if it is required, but it definitely does NOT come naturally to him in the home front! Thankfully, work is another story. Case in point - he managed to make it through 23 years in the military with no problems at all! SO... my point is that there is always hope for your child, but I'm thinking most of one's ability to accept a mess is just something they are born with. Also remember - everyone has different "tipping points", too. To some, a filthy bathtub is the final straw. To others, it's a disgusting fridge. Still others draw the line at disorganized closets or dirty dishes all over the house. I learned this way back in college when I had 3 different roommates all with different cleanliness requirements! Thankfully, these areas can be tweaked to a certain degree - and there ARE certain motivators out there that can help improve the situation, too -even temporarily... - wanting to impress a member of the opposite sex (at least when in the dating stage!) being one of them!

doodle, you are right, my SD's mom doesn't work (never has) and moved for a guy she just met, yet she is always 'too busy' to come pick up her daughter and when her daughter is there, she leaves her with BF's parents because they have 'plans' and when SD calls her, she is constantly trying to get off the phone, telling SD to 'call me back in an hour' and when she does, she gets the voice mail. So, it's not a case of moving for a job or even a husband and she used to be very involved with her girls before she left. She complains that WE don't keep her informed. Well, it's the parent's responsibility to keep themselves informed of their kids' life. We send her school bulletins & information, but it's her responsibility to go to the school and talk with teachers or show an interest. She doesn't hardly talk to her daughter... going to the school might shock me. My point isn't that parents should never move away and that there aren't good reasons. I think finedreams and her ex co-parented from different countries (if I remember correctly) and distance doesn't have to be a barrier. But, if the CP is not cooperative and the kids' relationship with the NCP is suffering or if they are being raised in a manner that the NCP feels is harmful, then the NCP has the option to seek custody or move closer to their kids. You cannot be a long distance parent with much control if the CP disregards your input. It's clear that in this case, the CP is doing that and the kids are also rejecting dad's input. Dad has few options. He can let it go and hopefully resume his relationship with his kids when they are older (as adults) if his relationship (or his kid's lives) aren't permanently damaged, or he can move closer and get more involved. It would be great if he and his ex could get on the same page and agree, but it doesn't sound like they agree on much. It's affecting his kids' attitudes toward dad so while mom1sm2 may be lucky to have a cooperative parenting partners in her situation, it's more difficult to have that when one person doesn't want it. If it were MY kids, I would not have moved away... but if my ex moved my kids away from me, I would first fight it and if I lost that fight, I would follow my kids because I would not want to be a long distance parent. I do think it is all about priorities and while moving for a job is usually something people use to justify moving away from their kids, I don't think it's always a justification. Personally, I would take a lower paying job to be more involved with my kids. It's a sacrifice I would make. If someone chooses the higher paying job (or just moving for any other reason), then they have less room to complain about how their kids are being raised.

You said she wants a bigger desk, you need more information from her about what she wants to do on the desk and store there. Does she need space for filing? Will she be drawing or drafting? Does she need space to put a laptop or does she have a regular computer monitor and screen? Two screens? Does she have a printer too? Other computer paraphernalia? How many feet of bookshelves does she need? Approximately how many feet of drawer space does she need for inside the desk? Will it be for general office supplies, or does she have art supplies too? Approximately how many feet of drawer space does she need for clothing? Does she study and do homework in her bedroom or somewhere else in the house? Does she have friends sleep over so that you really need place for two to sleep in that room? How old is she, what grade is she in, and when she starts college, do you think she will stay living with you, or do you think she will go away? Of course one never can predict the future, but I ask to get an idea how much $$ you might want to sink into this. Firstly I want to tell you that it is marvelous that you are thinking about re-decorating to suit your teenage daughter's preferences and needs. Back to the subject at hand. Bed They often have sleepovers. I have found (and I had one myself) that trundle beds work very well for this (unless you are fortunate enough to have a guest room. I prefer the type of trundle bed where the extra bed is underneath and rolls out on wheels and pops up so the two beds are on the same level. I especially like it when instead of sticking out from the wall, the long axis of the bed is against the wall. You can get the bed with a wooden or metal daybed type upper portion against which to put large comfy thick dense pillows, and it becomes a "sofa" for your daughter and her friend. Even without that frame, you can purchase or have made two large pillows each 1/2 the length of the bed of thick dense foam covered in batting, then muslin, and then a zippered cover of whatever fabric you choose. Get two sets, and make them machine washable! Desk For serious work, especially with a computer, often an L shaped configuration works well, and this is best done in the corner of a room. Even if your daughter works with a laptop almost all the time, she will appreciate a hookup to a second screen at home as that will facilitate report writing. She can have source material on the second screen while she does the writing on her word program on the first screen. It's also just nice to compare two different things at the same time on nice size screens, instead of a split screen image which is small. And sometimes the second screen is best at an angle. from the first screen. Normal desk height is 30 inches. If the windows come down a bit low, you might be able to remove the lower parts of the window (the stool and apron) without affecting the function of the window to allow placement of a desk length. If she is an artist she may need an easel. Or depending on the type of art, she may prefer a drafting table. She may want the type of storage table with many shallow drawers for art supplies. She may want something like that for all her cosmetics and jewelry! There are inexpensive versions of those as well, and you can get one or two of those to tuck under one of the arms of the L. Storage To use space most efficiently, think vertically! In the space between the windows you can put up shelves, or even mount a properly sized bookshelf, so no space is wasted by the triangular brackets. Above the desk there are so many different ways to store things, systems you can make or buy. Look at the IKEA kitchen wall storage units that have attractive bins and baskets that hang from rods. Only instead of using them for kitchen utensils, your daughter can use them for pens and pencils, rulers, staplers, tapes, paint brushes, etc. You can make something yourself out of peg board. There are a myriad of ideas on the internet. Look up do it yourself (DIY) home office ideas, and DIY home office storage. Decor Of course consider your daughter's preferences. I would try to encourage neutrals (such as shades of white) for the large things and use her favored colors for the smaller things, as her tastes may change. A 12 year old may love pink, and by the time she is 14 she may despise it and want orange and by the time she is 15 she may want black! The other advantage of white is that it is washable and often bleachable. The other advantage of light walls is that she can put up any type of poster or wall decor. There are non-stick wall decals that are lots of fun, too, not in the least childish either, and some marvelous easy to put up and take down wallpaper that won't ruin your walls. Good luck!