Zartemis! Zarty, old sport! Devil take you! I jest! Those foodstuffs look quite delectable indeed! Anyway, it's Ocativius, from good oul (wink wink nudge nudge, you know). Seems this correspondence finds you perfectly swell without the gouts and even buying "the cook" (I don't like referring to them by name either!) fancy electrical-rotational cooking machines. Get more with molasses than offal I say! Sadly I have some bad news in similar regards to the help. My driver, that bloody scoundrel, has be-fouled my steam automobile. Twas nary a fortnight past when I delighted him with drive from London to the countryside. In no time, the lout, who had an air of mentholated spirits and the lowliest of tobacco fumes about his person, over-heated the auto by failing to unleave the de-pressurizer--I suspect he loaded the firebox with bituminous instead of anthracite coal as per instructed. I digressed; there. As we dismounted to assess the systemic failure of consumable componentry, I lost my tolerances for the idiocy of the lesser-of-class after he exclaimed, "I'm the driver, eh? I drive!" Daresay, I booted him with muck boot in the unmentionables in a grossly ungentlemanly fashion in front of some townsfolk and kin; my, I hope they had no graphing-of-photo devices about their persons! A moment after the imbroglio I slung my arm about him, the guttersnipe, near the egress of a Public Room. To make it all up to him post-hastily I bought him forthwith a dram of absinthe (and one for as well!). After we took in some jocularity, I found myself in a most regrettable regard; namely, but there by the grace of God go I! I!. As we passed a well-known monger I purchased said driver a fancy moustache of the fashion worn by his type. Ask about, I bared not and expense on this imported hirsute lip adornment. All was well, but I, again, daresay, some of these chaps need a good public boxing about the head and neck now, again. That's my point, Zarty, make sure this cook, however "main" he be, tend to your cooker most tenderly. I hope you'll forgive me my long-windedness as I now must admit, I am far ventured into my cups. Rascally Yours, Octavious (Ricky Ticky Tavy) Ps: I command you to give me the recipe for that be-jellied spun swine intestine!

We bought a Ceramic Kamado grill/smoker. Wish I would have done this 30 years ago because I would still have the same grill 30 years later and wouldn't have gone through about 8-10 cheap charcoal grills. (Usually the $50 Brinkman water smoker grills) which last about 2-3 years and I just put them on their side and smash flat and throw them away. The Kamado is absolutely outstanding. You can adjust the temp from about 220 up to over 800 and everything in between. Can keep it at 220 for at least 12 straight hours without having to touch it. It is very stingy on charcoal use because it is nicely insulated with the little over 1" thick ceramic. Meat stays nice and juicy. is a perfect dry smoker, and water smoker. can turn it into a nice oven with a good Lava/Pizza stone. Has accessories to turn it into a outstanding Wok All in all it is the perfect BBQ/Smoker/Grill that should last a lifetime, and I mean a LIFE time even if you buy it in your 20s use it several times a month until you are in your 90s. If well taken care of it should be the only grill you ever have to buy. As for starting the charcoal. Using a "Weed Torch" connected to a small propane tank I can start this grill in about 30 seconds. Have it to 220 degrees for smoking in under 2 minutes. At about 350 degrees for basic grilling like chicken in about 4 minutes, and up to over 500 degrees for high temp searing of steaks in under about 6-7 minutes. With the vents on bottom and top wide open it acts as a blow torch inside and gets very hot fast. Using a weed torch for about 30 seconds or so lights the charcoal fast and uses no contaminates like lighter fluid so the coals are ready immediately just as soon as they reach desired temp. I have gone out to my Kamado, started it, go back to kitchen to get steaks, come back 6-7 minutes later and its ready to cook, throw on the steaks about 3-6 minutes per side depending on thickness and I am done in well under 30 minutes even if I need to clean out old charcoal and add a full batch of new. A full load of charcoal should last 3-4 grillings for steaks, or at least 12 hours if you are slow smoking a Boston Butt. The Kamado is really just about the same speed of use as a gas grill when using a weed torch. I bit more hassle just because of the use/cleaning out of charcoal but for the flavor difference it is well worth it. Gas grills just do not compare. Other charcoal grills do not really compare to a good Kamado. The one we got was from Costco, called a "Vision Grill" and only cost $540. Every bit as good, in fact in some ways actually better than the Big Green Egg and cost about 50% less. This is what it looks like. and this is weed torch

No. A grooved griddle pan cannot grill. It basically fries like a frying pan, and give you what looks like grill marks. Only the parts which make direct meat-to-metal contact get charred. A charcoal cooks by convection, conduction and radiation by infrared. All parts of the meat facing the charcoal get heat and charred. In addition, it gets smoke flavor from fat dripping on the fire. In the winter time you can do a charcoal grilling in the fireplace with the vent open, or if you have a good enough kitchen exhaust system to do it in the kitchen. In the summer time you can use charcoal grill inside with the windows open. A chimney charcoal starter can get very hot for small scale grilling. dcarch

Here is Steve’s page on grills and smokers.I didn’t see it there. https://barbecuebible.com/product-type/grills-smokers/ If you lived around me, I’d let you used my smoker. I got is for free off CL about a year ago. Used, in good condition. Even bags of wood chips. It’s not the same model, but sort of like this. We have it outdoors, covered I saw someone selling a smaller electric Masterbuilt smoker, new looking for $50. As for reviews — I usually peruse the most negatives first, then move up to midlevel. I look at photos from users. However, you often have to keep perspective. Sorry if I seem cynical, but some people don’t take care of things, or they are numb and dumb acting, or do not even glance at directions. Some people would try using a Kitchenaid mixer for an outboard motor in salt water. I love the color of this thing: I think I asked you before: would you like to primarily grill or smoke? Do you have a place to keep it out of the rain or bad weather? And it sound like the meat eating, game watching, testosteroners would not be likely to help you move it, tend it, clean it? I’m sorry if that is the case, but I bet you’re not alone. If that’s the case you can treat yourself to something convenient, even if pricy ;) You can drive over to Texan Tex’s BBQ and Smoke Take Out and fill up. But, I bet you want the freedom to develop your own recipes. My DH can be unwenthused about my extensive projects. (I admit, I’m a bit of a handful and we have different styles). I have set about having him feel an emotional and problem solving interest in a couple of areas. I have B**ching back pain and it cramps my stlye and limits my ”on” time. If not fo that, I’d be eager to fiddle with the smoker. But staying bent over ain’t my thang. So I did the marinade/rub and as I was doing that asked if he’d check out the smoker — function, temperature accuracy and go over the manual. If I am uncomfortable (pain), I have little patience. I usually need to get other things done as well’ So, by default and by some design, he became the pit master (whatever). Maybe you could confiscate the cable bill. Let is go unpaid for a few months. Maybe service will be cut off (right around the time your guys are searching for methods todo you in). So, you’ll be wanting to grill and smoke? For yourself plus at least two grown fellas stuck to recliners, watching sports as the lawn is overgrown? You need to have fun too ;)