It's impossible to prove a negative. So, for instance, I can't point to any authority saying "don't leave a 3 inch gap around electrical boxes."

However, you can Google up authorities showing the correct use of insulation around electrical boxes, e.g., this one from the US Dept. of Energy. (See point 11 under "Wall Insulation".)

i am going to do it like they show. I hate to add the vapor barrior mentioned....I really believe at best it does nothing but at worst can lead to mold...still if ever questioned and required...its not something easily added...and it looks like we are in the vapor barrier zone here in PA...even though I have 1/5" of xps up....

The linked reference above refers only to abovegrade walls.

See Building Science Corp. acceptable basement insulation systems in link below.

If the basement wall has the recommended amount of insulation for the climate zone, the poly at least won't be detrimental, according to Building Science Corp. I was required by one inspector to use vapour barriers in XPS/fg insulated basements; others agreed it was pointless.

One fifth of an inch?

Here is a link that might be useful: Building Science Corp.: Basement Insulation Systems