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Starting to regret move...time to leave?

Posted by allicrich (My Page) on
Fri, Dec 15, 06 at 11:11


I seriously needed to reduce my rent costs and about two months ago and started renting a room in the condo of someone I met on a roommate matching web site. She e-mailed me indicating she had a room and went down on the rent because she had been seeking a roommate for several months. We hung out several times before I moved in and on one occasion I heard footsteps above (the building has wood floor panels). She told me that the girl above was sorta heavy footed, but was only home during the weekends. She also said she and this upstairs neighbor had had some tension between them, but they stayed out of each others way.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, and I hear constant creaking and rolling upstairs, since this neighbor sleeps in the room right above me. I can also hear her phone conversations. I told my roommate, and offered to go upstairs with her to speak with the girl, but she said she would go and she ended up speaking to her through the girl's door, as she wouldn't open it. That same weekend, my roommate called 311 to report the neighbor's loud music at 7am. When the police arrived, the girl left out her back door.

There have been other occasions that my roommate (the owner of the unit) has called 311 on this neighbor. At their last condo association meeting, she said she and this girl exchanged some choice words. She's advised me to call 311 whenever I've been disturbed by the noise, but I resolved to try to speak with her myself, as I acknowledged the reality of wood floors and not-so-sound-proof walls/ceilings. The two efforts I made were rejected as she told me she didn't have a minute to speak with me. Last night, I tapped on the ceiling when the noise became too much. When she started dropping things, I went upstairs and knocked 4 times. She opened the door and stated "Here's the thing, I don't have to speak with you. If you have a problem with me, you need to speak with your roommate." I then told her I was going to speak with 311. She then said I need to stop tapping on the ceiling, a measure I took since she would not speak with me. While I was waiting for the police and my roommate to come home from work, this girl purposely threw shoes on the floor and started yelling "Can you hear that?" (She admitted this to the police when they spoke with her). As I suspected, the police could only advise all of us to try and get along.

I am seriously starting to regret this move. My roommate has offered to switch rooms and is researching the association by-laws, but I'm just not comfortable and feel I'm caught in the middle of some drama. My roommate bought this condo last year and has said she misses living in the suburb she previously stayed in. She basically bought the condo to build up equity, but could use someone to help alleviate the expenses. While I initially thought I would stay for a year, I followed my gut and did a month-to-month lease, with a two month notice of intent to vacate. I would not be held responsible for finding a replacement. While I feel for my roommate if she had to start her search again, I also tell myself that I didn't tell her to buy this property, and I'm not bound to stay here if I'm not enjoyin it. Sometimes I think it might seem shady for me to leave after just two months, but I truly believe home is where the heart is and being able to come home to a relatively quiet, peaceful environment means a lot to me.

Sorry for the long message, but I wanted to layout everything in order to seek advice, any would be appreciated.


Follow-Up Postings:

RE: Starting to regret move...time to leave?

Why would it seem shady to leave? You signed a month to month agreement with a 60 day notice to vacate. Give your 60 day notice and find something that works for you. You are within your legal rights to do so.

If you feel a moral obligation to stay, try switching rooms as your roommate suggested, and see if everybody is satified with that arrangment.

RE: Starting to regret move...time to leave?

You don't have problems with the your room mate and.. "My roommate has offered to switch rooms and is researching the association by-laws, but I'm just not comfortable and feel I'm caught in the middle of some drama."

It isn't her fault the upstairs neighbor is a jerk and she is trying. If you get along living with her, and it sounds like you do, switch room with her as she suggested. It sounds to me like she likes you and is willing to do what it takes to keep you. That is a good thing that says a lot about both of you.

Unless you can afford your own place, your only other option is to find a another room to rent, on a top floor and hope you can live with the person you rent the room from.

RE: Starting to regret move...time to leave?

Thank you both for your reply. I've thought about this, and I'm realizing that the roommate thing is something I haven't done in a while, and thus I'm unable to (re)adapt to.

Aside from this drama with the upstairs neighbor, my roommate has some sort of relationship with one of the male neighbors in the building (I came home one time to see them both looking like deer caught in headlights emerging from her room, and she shared the unsolicited steamy details with me later). We had just gone over a contract that she drafted indicating that neither of us needs permission to invite guests over, which I understood since it's her place. However, a week later, one of her dates called around 9pm to say he was in the neighborhood and she let him come in. I left my room to get something from the kitchen, and found the two of them kissing on her couch. After this guy left, the male neighbor she had been intimate with came by.

I realize this is her place, but I feel like she's still living somewhat like she doesn't have a roommate, but wants to hold on to the benefits of someone helping to alleviate the bills. While I've considered trying to see if things can be talked and worked out, again I realize that I'm at a point in my life where I have to either be very in-sync with a roommate or living by myself.

Another long message, but it's been therapeutic for me all the same to get this out.

RE: Starting to regret move...time to leave?

This doesn't sound like a good situation at all.

Many years ago I shared a 2-bdrm place with a friend. She had a boyfriend who was a nice guy but he was over ALL the time.

He and my roommate would hog the living room every evening for hours. I was forced to either stay in the kitchen or my bedroom. That got really old. Especially when he wasn't contributing to any of the household expenses. I found another place and moved out.

This girl is going to have a tough time selling the condo let alone keeping a roommate. Not your problem though. If it were me, I'd cut my losses and give her notice. There are better rooming situations than this.

RE: Starting to regret move...time to leave?

Thanks for replying. This might have been something I could have lived with when I was younger, but I'm just not down with it anymore. It's my life and I'm taking control.

RE: Starting to regret move...time to leave?

I'd move, it sounds miserable. Good thing you had the foresight to do a monthly lease.

RE: Starting to regret move...time to leave?

This is nothing, I live near a college,so we had college kids partying in our building until 4am every single night.One night they busted a window out in the lobby with a beer bottle.
I finally drew the line the day i found a bloody syringe laying just outside my window(I have a daughter who could have picked it up!)along with about 50 beer cans. If they are going to be immature and shoot up they can at least dispose of their evidence.
I complained and the rental office said they have had so many complaints already and got kicked out.Then I was outside with my daughter one day and some guy approached me and asked if I wanted to buy some weed.And this was one of the nicer apartment complexes in a pretty uptight neighboorhood! Kinda made me wonder how these spoiled college kids and drug dealers can afford to live there.
We have since moved to a not quite as big place,but no one bothers us at all here really,and it is so much quieter!
Honestly though,if your roomate would just chill out,the problems with the neighboor would probably fade in time.But i cant blame you if you want to move,and your roomate shouldnt either.

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