also remember that MOST of the people who post here are the ones who are having problems.

People who don't have problems, don't mention it.

I have almost never had a neighbor who was inconsiderate. Once, I think, and once I got a change to exchange more than 2 sentences with him, things were easier for me.

So there are pleasant neighbors in apartments.

I think the attitude you outlined is a sensible one.

I hear my neighbors walk above me now and then, and I've heard the laughter from their parties, or the music from their instruments or their stereo. Never so loud that I can't ignore it.

When I hear their nosies, it is first filtered through the basic fact that *I wish them well and like them*. This makes it easy to say, "Oh, Lee's having a party, how nice for her" instead of "what are they doing up there, i wish they'd shut up."

There's an unspoken deal I make w/ my neighbors--I refuse to *notice*. I hear, I just don't remember. I think all NYers make this adjustment. Someone can bump into me on the subway, apologize, and get a "what?" in return--I paid so little attention that I don't even REMEMBER that they jostled me. Ditto w/ the ordinary noises my neighbors make. The less I dwell on it in my OWN mind, the less of an impact it has.

Talley Sue, your repsonse to this and other posts I've seen in these forums prompts me to say you are one of the most sensible and likeable people it's ever been my pleasure to encounter since I started posting on message boards 7 years ago. Wish I were one of your neighbors.

If only folks would remember that others have their woes and worries as well. Most people aren't trying to screw over the people in the apartment next to/above/below them. We just all have lives to lead and "stuff" happens.

A bit more patience and tolerance would go a long way to improving the world.

Hi, I am new to these boards and I live in an apartment now after having lived in a house for 10 years. I never plan to live in a house again unless the house is my own. I rented a house for the 10 years and never got any maintenance done. Living in the apartment is a wonderful thing, I have all maintenance taken care of, no yard to mess with. I also have three wonderful neighbors and also back to back neighbors. Sure, sometimes the noise level gets high, but I don't complain, but then, no one complains about my dog barking either. So, if you work with the people living around you, it is easy to get along.

Thanks so much, motherscothie! What a nice compliment!

There are some neighbors who are hard to be reasonable around, and difficult to work with.

I'm lucky not to have been surrounded by them, and not even to have one very close at all. I feel sorry for the folks who are stuck living next to them.

But I also think we get a chance to decide how much to dwell on it.

SWeir, I own my apartment, so I have to do all the maintenance on it myself--remodel the kitchen, figure out how to un-stick the door. It's HARD! Thank goodness I don't have to figure out how to fix the roof, or when to fix the boiler.

I'm on the board, but still, it's a group effort. We contemplate buying a house, and I just cringe at the thought of shoveling snow, doing landscaping, worrying about fences or cats&dogs, fixing the driveway, gutters, oh my goodness, I need a nap!

If you can have a reasonable tolerance all around in your rental building, renting sure is easier!