Grrrrrr people like her drive me crazy! They are sooo rude and freak out about the smallest thing before they even know what is going on! And I see no problem in writing the letter ... keeps you from bottling too much emotion and eventually freaking out on her to her face over something tiny like she did to you AND MAYBE she does realize how she acted now even if she didn't call (she's refuses to admit to herself or others i'm sure, that she was out of line)

You think that was so terribly rude?

You need to come live in NYC!

And in fact, not only were you wrong in the very beginning but you're WAY wrong here at the end!

There wasn't some spot else you could park just for a bit--like, on the street? For all you know, she CAN"T park in some other spot--they may be assigned, even if they aren't labeled. And maybe she needed to get to the bathroom, right now. Or was exhausted and wanted to get home.

She had NO clue how long it was going to take you, because after all, SHE doesn't know what YOU are thinking--or even what you were doing.For all she could tell, you were gonna just let her sit there until you finished doing whatever it was you were going to do (which definitely would have taken longer than "literally 3 seconds").

You say your wife couldn't see in the rain--it was so bad that you had to wave your hands around. How do you expect the neighbor lady to be able to tell what you were doing and why, through the rain? She doesn't know from looking at it that you intend to move your car. She only knows that you're putting her off--"just a minute."

She pays for her parking space for a reason: so that it will always be available to her. You don't even live in her complex, for pete's sake. You couldn't park on the street? Off to the side behind the car of a neighbor?

I think it's interesting, and telling, that on the basis of this one exchange, in which you were in the wrong, you think this indicates that she's a tremendously nasty person. And it amazes me that you think you have the right to scold her, but that SHE doesn't have the right to scold YOU--when you were the one trespassing.

I think your letter was overreacting.

And I notice that you never actually apologized for taking up her parking space. (I bet she noticed, too.)

I wouldn't respond to your letter either. I wouldn't know what to say. I wouldn't appreciate being scolded for a single sentence, esp. when I felt that you were wrong for being in my space, for not immediately getting out of it so I could get home at the end of rainy, tense drive home from work.

I would be floored that you would think you should scold me--that you would think it was your *place* somehow. As if you were the grownup, and I was the little kid.

I would be insulted that you would be so intolerant of any frustration I would have on that rainy evening. I would view you as a totally irrational, attacking, nasty human being.

I would have been p*ssed as all get out that when I asked you nicely the first time, you said, "just a minute." Hello? It's MY parking space. Not yours.

In fact, your nastiness was much worse than hers--you actually sat down and wrote her a letter. She just snapped at you when you blew her off.

Do her a favor--don't speak to her again.

Boy, am I glad you don't live by me.

You seem very determined to find nastiness in everybody else. That's got to be tiring. For everyone around, and for you.

Today I woke up and was surprized to find (on my suvelience monitor) a letter on my windshield. I immediately knew that it was her. So I read it and heres what it said:

Dear SAlsoul,(name changed)
So Very sorry if I was rude.
Please, Please accept my
apologies to you and to
your wife.
Your neighbor,
(name ommited)

Im now satisfied. It turns out she's alright afterall. Someone with character would be humble enought to appologize, and she did. I'll tell her thank you when I see her. I really didnt think she would. I guess I was looking down at her a bit too much.

Sorry Salsol but I agree with Tally Sue and everything she wrote 100%. I am surprised that your neighbor actually apologized to you. Thankfully it was not me because I would not have been as nice to you at all judging by that letter you wrote. I think your letter to her was way out of line.

You think that was so terribly rude?
You need to come live in NYC!
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I dont need to. Plenty of you New Yorkers have moved down here. In fact, thats one of the reasons why we moved here 10 years ago. My Dad hated working in NYC. And yes, I have dealt w/ plent of New Yorkers down here and can assure you that they are very rude. In fact, Nre Yorkers are nationally known to be rude people.
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There wasn't some spot else you could park just for a bit--like, on the street?
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No, this isnt New York, we dont have Street parking here. Its just a narrow 2 lane road with a ditch on both sides. I can get tickited for doing that. Florida is a bit different than NY
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For all you know, she CAN"T park in some other spot--they may be assigned,
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Ther not asigned. She parks in differnet spots all the time, on account of SHES THE OWNER!
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even if they aren't labeled.
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which there not
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And maybe she needed to get to the bathroom, right now. Or was exhausted and wanted to get home.
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There was an empty spot right next to the one I was parked in, and other empty spots elsewhere
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You say your wife couldn't see in the rain--
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Actually, she needed help seeing where to park because shes not good at judging how close her car is to other cars, etc.
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She pays for her parking space for a reason: so that it will always be available to her.
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She doesnt pay for a parking space. She owns the whole property. Dude, your still thinking in NYC terms. Parking spaces arent that "valuable" around here.
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You don't even live in her complex, for pete's sake.
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Well I guess thats the difference between having nice neighbors and NY type neighbors.
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You couldn't park on the street? Off to the side behind the car of a neighbor?
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Read my other post to see what happens if i park behind that jerk
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I think it's interesting, and telling, that on the basis of this one exchange, in which you were in the wrong, you think this indicates that she's a tremendously nasty person. And it amazes me that you think you have the right to scold her, but that SHE doesn't have the right to scold YOU--when you were the one trespassing.
--------------------------------------------------
Im from the classy town of Mahwah, where neighbors arent nasty to each other. Dude, you need to stop applying NYC culture to suburbian USA.
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I would be floored that you would think you should scold me--that you would think it was your *place* somehow. As if you were the grownup, and I was the little kid.
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I never said it was my place. I was simply borrowing one for a momnet, when there were others all around. In fact, the lady herself doesnt even agree with you any more, since she appologized. She wouldnt have appologized if she thought I was wrong.
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I would have been p*ssed as all get out that when I asked you nicely the first time, you said, "just a minute." Hello? It's MY parking space. Not yours.
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Hey, even you have that immature, little kid attitude. You know, the one where, when there are 2 kids in a room, and the room is full of toys, but the one kid wants THE TOY that the other kid has "Hey, thats mine"
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In fact, your nastiness was much worse than hers--you actually sat down and wrote her a letter. She just snapped at you when you blew her off.
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she was nasty to begin with. Not that it matters now, because she appologized, and I forgive her. And when i see her tomorow, I'll tell her, "apology accepted"
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Boy, am I glad you don't live by me.
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I dont want to live with New Yorkers anyway. I always thought they were jerks. Some of this biggest a-holes i ever met were from NY
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You seem very determined to find nastiness in everybody else.
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No i don't i simply react when it comes searching for me!

My goodness. If my neighbor ever left me such a letter, I'd think they had just been let out of the mental hospital, prematurely, and I better be careful to avoid him in the future.

You were in the wrong. You parked in her space - and if they are ALL her spaces, you still parked in "her" space. People who answer "I just need a minute" often mean "I just need 10-15 minutes." She really had no way of knowing how long you really meant to sit there. It doesn't matter if there was another space empty. It's not your property. Why didn't YOU move into the empty space, then, instead of asking her to wait?

The fact that she apologized when she did nothing wrong shows what kind of character she has. She probably just wanted to avoid future problems with people she lives near, while you wanted to start something.

I grew up in Iowa--and most of them would have been floored at your letter.

And where people forgive one another without being asked--ESPECIALLY for a first offense. They say, "gee, she was sure rude--usually she's so nice. She must be having a bad day. I bet she didn't understand I intend to move my car right away."

And here in NYC, it's not that people are so incredibly rude--we can be pretty nice, actually. It's just that they wouldn't NOTICE stuff like that. We're all crowded in together here--we just can't get all bothered because someone snapped at us.

And, we don't see much value in perpetuating the nastiness. Better to let it slide.

And I'm not a "dude." Even if I were a guy, I wouldn't be a "dude."

Actually most of the really big a--holes I've ever met are from NJ. Some really neat people, too, of course. But NJ and suburbia have just as many jerks as the city. Just perhaps fewer guns.

Anyway, I hope you can have a pleasant life living next door to this woman. If you truly treat your neighbors nicely, you might apologize for being on her property next time you see her. SHE's polite--are you?

I would be floored that you would think you should scold me--that you would think it was your *place* somehow. As if you were the grownup, and I was the little kid.
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I never said it was my place. I was simply borrowing one for a momnet, when there were others all around. In fact, the lady herself doesnt even agree with you any more, since she appologized. She wouldnt have appologized if she thought I was wrong.

I think she apologized because it's easier than being in a feud.

Um, you misunderstood my word "place." Let me rephrase.

I would be floored that you would think you should scold me--that you would think that your position in the hierarchy of the world somehow gave you the RIGHT to scold me. As if you were the grownup, and I was the little kid.

I'm still floored.

And I'm grateful beyond words that our world has someone in it such as your neighbor, whose own pride is less important to her than keeping pleasantness in our world. What a lucky town Mahwah is, to have her!

You people are still missing the point. The point is, there are two kinds of neighbors:

1. Jerks
2. friendlys.

And here is the difference between the two:

Jerks:
selfish
refuse to share
refuse to lend a hand
rude

friendlys:
giving
offers to lend
offers to help
polite

Now if you people want to say that its proper for neighbors to be Jerks, thats your right. But where Im from, Yes, in NJ, our neighbors were friendly. Im not making this up. Because our driveway was very steep and in the winter dangerous, they

let us park on their flat driveway

in the summer when it was hot and another neighbor had a pool and we didnt

they let us swim in it, with them home or not

etc.

Personally, Im glad I dont live near selfish kids like you who obviouly still havent learned about treating others the way they would like to be treated, etc. This isnt kindergarden. Grow up and learn that others are just as important as you.

"Personally, Im glad I dont live near selfish kids like you who obviouly still havent learned about treating others the way they would like to be treated, etc. This isnt kindergarden. Grow up and learn that others are just as important as you. "

That's rich! You ought to listen to your own "advice."

Good luck with your neighbors in the future. Boy oh boy are you going to need it.

Salsol -
I hate getting involved in message board disputes but there are a few things that just irk me regarding your whole neighbor outlook. Seems like you want to live in a picture perfect world. Don't we all.

First off "dude" you need to get a grip and calm down a bit. You were way out of line with the letter you wrote. As you can see from the censes on this board, others tend to agree. Bottom line was your neighbor did not know your intentions, and had every right to request you out of her spot even in a firm voice. I would have done the same. I don't care if it's for a minute or a second. You had no right to be there. YOU should have apologized to HER right away and moved your car. End of story.

Second you write a letter to her demanding an apology from her? I read your letter and as I said before, WAY OUT OF LINE. You wrote in your letter and I'm quoting you here "So please call me and prove to me that your not like a selfish child who doesnt like to share". Just what the heck is this? I would have been applaud to read something like this on my car. The whole letter is juvenile and childish. I really believe the only reason why this women even wrote a letter back to you was because she was worried about you. Better to make you happy so she does not have to worry about her car, and encounters with you in the future. The letter sounded like something a lunatic would write which is what I believe you are. Hey, I'm a New Yorker and according your replies you are stereo typing all New Yorkers which you write are rude and the biggest a-holes. Thanks, I appreciate that reply you nut.

And lastly I wish to address the problem your wife has in driving . . . you wrote: "she cannot see good in the rain" and you also wrote: "she needed help seeing where to park because she's not good at judging how close her car is to other cars, etc.". Just how does she even have a driver license? Do Florida a favor and get her off the road. She has no right being behind a wheel if she cannot see in the rain or judge parking distances.

Good luck to your neighbor having you as one. Seems like you have some growing up to do.

Just one thing you may have overlooked, salsoul. I used to manage an apartment building and there were specific places where people could not park (like in front of someone else's garage, which would prevent the tennants from getting in or leaving). These spots were even marked with No Parking signs. Once, someone parked in front of my garage. I saw them getting out of their car and asked them to park somewhere else - there were other open spots, but this was the closest. They asked, 'oh please, I'll just be five minutes.' Being the friendly person I am, I allowed it. Unfortunately, I did not see what apartment this person went to. And then, two hours later, when I wanted to leave, I could not because I was blocked in. Never again. Your 'mean lady', being that she is involved in building management, probably had seen her fair share of such violators, and did not need a repeat performance. Being nice doesn't always get the needed results. In today's world of 'me', 'me', 'me', firmness is needed.

Your letter was way out of line. The poor woman probably apologized because she was afraid for her life. That letter sounds like its from a psycho-killer. Especially that line "I would like to continue a civilized and friendly relationship with you." If that does not sound like a veiled threat I don't know what does. It sounds like it really means "if you don't apologize I will come over to your home in the middle of the night and hack you into pieces." Florida's had its share of whackos and you sound like one of em to me.

I agree with what the others wrote that your letter was way out of line. You moved your car when that landlady asked you to, and that should have been the end of it! She had every right to ask you to move your car right then and there because she owns the property and, for whatever reason, does not want others who do not rent from her to park their cars in her lot, even if for a minute. If she allows you to park for a minute, then maybe someone else will notice and try to park in her lot for "just a minute" and so on...if she becomes "nice" and allows non-renters to use her lot, then she's going to end up with a problem on her hands.

Anyway, I didn't like the tone of your letter at all. Your letter is harrassing in nature. So maybe the landlady was having a bad day and didn't ask you to move your car from HER lot in a nicer manner, but that doesn't give you the right to judge her and belittle her and practically force an apology out of her. Rather than writing that angry letter, you could have waited to talk to her in person and explained why you were in her spot and you could have apologized for inconveniencing her...that is good neighbor relations. Bad neighbor relations is leaving her that letter. You need to apologize to her for your letter. Read over your NASTY comments again:

"So I temporarily parked in your spot (thinking you were a nice neighbor)"

"I would like to think that I have nice neighbors around, but unfortunately, your rudeness was similar to the rudeness I have encountered with a certain mean lady that lives in my condo."

"However, Your disgusting "Now" attitude was most inappropriate,"

"I would like an apology from you for your rude attitude."

"so please do me a favor and dont make excuses for your non-neighborly attitude when you call."

"I am simply saying that you were most impatient and nasty at that time."

"So please call me and prove to me that your not like a selfish child who doesnt like to share. I would like to be able to hold more respect for you than that."

Oh, I just wanted to say that not all New Yorkers are rude. I've visited NYC several times and I have met some really nice people. Yes, some New Yorkers are rude...maybe because they are in a hurry to get somewhere or they are on their guard because of crime or they are stressed out because of big city life, but you'll get rude people anywhere you go.
I LOVE New York!!!!

I called her and thanker her for her appology. I also said, "And Im sorry if my letter was abit to rude."

So, although I disagree with you all, because so many of you think I was rude, I appologized, Ok?

As you say, there are two types in this world, jerks and friendlys. Only a jerk would have written such a letter. Writing that letter was far more rude than being told to vacate a parking space you had no RIGHT to use.

I think you are even more rude to Talley Sue, calling her a "dude" and insulting her and extrapolating everything you don't like about New York onto her. You've apologized to the lady; you have another apology to offer if you want to escape your "jerk" label.

You just don't get it. She didn't need to apologize to you, and she probably apologized out of fear because your letter is creepy. You're the one who needed to apologize to her because not only did you park on this lady's property, but you wrote her that nasty letter. Her property does not belong to you and so you had no right to use it.

We can all tell from your letter and from your subject line on this thread titled "mean lady across the street" that you are being irrational. How do you know she is mean from one encounter?

Your comment, "So please call me and prove to me that your not like a selfish child who doesnt like to share," is really strange. She doesn't have to share her parking lot with you, and you cannot possibly use this one encounter to label her as selfish. I would personally be appalled if I received a letter like that from a neighbor.

Hopefully in the future, if you feel angry about the way another person treats you, you will take time to calm down your emotions before reacting. Once you write a letter like that or say something negative to someone, you can never turn back time and take back your words.

Well, I'm sure you made quite the impression on that landlady. I feel really bad for her.

so you apologized if your letter was too rude.

But have you EVER apologized for parking on her property?

Sounds like you may have some misdirected anger issues.

Salsoul writes in pertinent part: "Im surrounded by jerks! One behind me, one next to me, and now one in front!"

Hmmm... the common denominator here is -- Salsoul.

To paraphrase Miss Manners, it is not proper to answer rudeness with rudeness.

Your letter was more than rude. It makes you appear to be a mental case with extreme anger issues. She probably apologized because she thinks you are a nutcase who is going to retaliate in some way and she is afraid of you.

The tone of your post, letter to her, and follow up post (specifically the reference to your expectation that she be humble) could easily lead one to believe that your issue is that a woman had the *audacity* to challenge you.

She may have been momentarily rude, but you were deliberately, with forethought rude.

And what is it with the crack "your rudeness was similar to the rudeness I have encountered with a certain mean lady that lives in my condo." First, I think you meant your condo BUILDING? If someone lives in YOUR CONDO they LIVE WITH YOU (e.g., your wife). Also, why did you drag your other neighbor into this? Even if you have a legitimate beef with the person living in your building, why would you advertise this to the other neighbor?

You may not like the tone of this post, but how do you think she felt being compared to a "selfish child".

You were totally, absolutely and utterly out of line.

This is a most interesting thread....

I'll go off topic here briefly, if only to lighten the mood a little....

As a testimony of New Yorkers NOT being rude, I share the following experience:

While in Connecticut on a business trip (for DH), I went to NYC to see a play with a friend. Of course, I wore all my "cute" going out clothes to be out on the town that night with her and some friends. Went shopping, got mistaken for Anne Heche several times,(I wonder if that's a compliment or not!!) saw the play, had a blast.

Next morning, DH was to bring the himself and the kids into the city to go sight seeing. It was November, and VERY cold in the city, so I told him to dress the kids very warmly and to bring me a warm hat and my tennis shoes. (MY "cute" boots had left me blisters....ouch!) Dressing "cute" was no longer important. I was cold, tired and just didn't care...)

While waiting for DH and kids to come to my hotel room, I decided that I didn't want to lug all of my new purchases around with me while sight seeing with 3 kids. Plus, I thought, it was freezing, so it just made sense to "layer" all of my clothes. Perfect solution. No carrying heavy bags, and I was warm. All that was left were some of the dirty clothes from the night before. Socks, uncomfortable shoes, etc. Very light and easy to carry.

Finally met DH in the lobby when I saw that he'd dressed the kids in their (albeit) warmest down coats, that were normally reserved for playing in the (few and far between) snowy days in our home state. They were very dirty from playing outside, but warm.
DH also (as per my request) brought me a warm knit stocking cap and my tennis shoes. Not the most attractive thing, I admit. But I didn't care.

Off we went to go sight seeing. But first, a pit stop at McDonald's. Wanted to take a pre-emptive strike against the inevitable "We're hungry" when we're RIGHT in the middle of something good. I decided to go against our norm of ordering each kid a separate happy meal. They weren't that hungry to begin with, and the dumb toys would just be a distraction on this particular trip, so I opted to just get them a snack of a supersize fries and large drink to share. Just something to tide them over for a few NYC sights.

DH goes to counter to wait on his delayed order, and the three kids and I are sitting at the table eating when the nicest lady came up and gave my youngest a toy from a Happy Meal. Oh my gosh! Thank you so much! How nice. We continue eating. Then a few minutes later, a very nice gentleman comes up and gives us one of those peel-n-win game pieces worth 1 free apple pie. Oh my gosh AGAIN! How NICE New Yorkers are!

DH comes back, surveys the new found items, and looks at me kinda crooked...."Why are people giving us stuff?"

"Well, I don't know, but I gotta tell ya, New Yorkers just must be SO much nicer than we've heard!"

We leave, with me thinking that the whole "rude New Yorker" thing is just not so....And then it happened. I looked to my left and saw a huge plate glass window. I saw the reflection of my family in it. And I immediately knew why people were giving us stuff.

Let me paint the picture for you. All of the clothes I was wearing were showing in some way. 4 or 5 different collars were poking up out of my big, black coat. 2 pairs of the pants I bought the night before were velour-like material, and were consequently riding up on each other, showing that I was wearing 3 pairs of pants altogether. My hair was a mess, sticking out of the stocking cap. I had my dirty clothes and shoes from the night before in a large shopping bag....complete with paper towels hanging out the top.

My children, of course, had their dirty old coats on....and while they were in McDonalds were all huddled around ONE order of fries and ONE drink!!!!

It hit me. PEOPLE THOUGHT WE WERE HOMELESS!! Oh my gosh. We laughed so hard. We still laugh to this day!
But those New Yorkers WERE some of the nicest people we ever met!!

Just had to share. Sorry I went off topic!

you're missing one important type...and the one I'm most interested in avoiding, since they are the ones who really cause all the trouble...

people who define 'friendly' as 'helping me when I need help, and not minding when I'm not behiving my best'

and 'jerky' as 'anyone who gets in my way, or interferes with the slapdash way I ran the project'...

since you claim you are are surrounded on all sides by people you find unacceptable...

maybe it's not them. maybe it's you.

I might have pulled into her parking lot for a minute under the circumstances, but if she came and asked me to move, I would have apologized for inconveniencing her and moved the car immediately - never mind what I was doing or how short a time it might take. I'm not sure why you didn't, and then felt that *she* was at fault. It's her land, and she doesn't need a "good" reason - when she says off, you get off.

And writing the letter is just weird, especially since it was you who were at fault. And demanding an apology! I agree with the others - she apologized because she thinks you're unstable, and doesn't want you to do anything to her or her property. I'm sure she told her friends how she *really* feels about you.

You know, when someone has trouble with one person, I give him or her the benefit of the doubt. But when there's another person ...

I've read some of this tread. I'm amazed... You talk about the lady next door being mean. Because she didn't "share" with you.

Other people you lived by in NJ "shared" their driveway and their pool. The funny part is I didn't read one line about anything of yours that you "shared" with anyone.

You'll be glad to know I don't live by you. Because I am rude and you'd been standing in the rain watching your car get towed away. Before I'd have said a word to you about it. And as you where standing there wonder what the heck was going on. I'd be waving hi to you.

And no I don't live in NY. Been there and nice folks. Don't every kid yourself thinking that they've got a monoply on rudeness.

Where I come from you keep yourself and your stuff off other peoples property. Unless invited...That way you can play nicey nicey and wave to each other everyday.

I'm I rude, you bet I am
Am I a jerk, you bet
Do I think my property and time are just as valuable as yours? Yes I do.

Keep off my lawn...and my driveway want to drive your car, no problem drive where you've gotten promission to do it.

Be thankful you got the neighbors you've got, You could be living next to me!!!!

I suggest you buy the "Mean Lady" accross the street a meal at the finest restaurant in town to make ammends for being a rude and pompous Jerk of a neighbor!!!

Preach it, cmhc!

Nothing left for me to say except that you and I could have been separated at birth. We share the same views of this thread, from start to finish. :o)

BTW I don't live in New York, either.

The building I live in is adjacent to a funeral home. People coming for funerals often take advantage of our assigned parking spots if their lot is full, or if they just want a more convenient way to get out afterwards. I cannot count the times I've been locked out of my spot, and I cannot go after them because, after all, they're in a funeral.

Sometimes it's friends of other tenants who just want to park there "for a minute" which often turns into hours. Then *I* have to find a place on the street because I can't find them, or they've actually parked in my spot and then gone off somewhere else! You want to hear "rude"? Unbelievable!

Finally I got wise and started parking behind them, blocking them in. They have to come looking for *me*.

Had I been that woman, I would've done the same, and *your* butt would've been stuck standing in the rain. Then I would've called the cops for your trespassing, you weirdo.

I pity your neighbors and your wife even more.

I live near a college, and people have parked across and even *in* my driveway more than I care to remember. I don't bother waiting to see why they did it - I immediately call the police and have the car towed. A few times, the offender has run up, saying that they only parked for a few minutes. Well, it's a few minutes too much.

I meant to tell reno_fan how much I liked her little "Homeless family" anecdote. And see? New Yorkers really *do* care!