Why is a male's chores "cleaning out the trash" and mine everything else?
what are your experiences?

Whatever you decide it is ... I'd make a list and divide the chores so that you are spending about the same amount of time every week. Discuss expectations too. Maybe he expected that the pleasure of his presence would be so great that you would pick up after him like him mum did.

After the division - and it's the HARD part - stick to it. If you start doing his chores, he'll see no reason to do any of them. Here's some starting material, including chores and the age that can handle such chores.

HOUSE RULES
1.If you make a mess, clean it up.
2.Leave it looking better than you found it.
3.If you open it, close it.
4.If you turn it on, turn it off.
5.If you unlock it, lock it.
6.If you break it, fix it.
7.If you can't fix it, tell someone who knows how to fix it.
8.If it's not broken, don't try to fix it or improve it.
9.If you use it, take care of it.
10.If you don’t accept responsibility for taking care of it, don’t expect the privilege of using it.
11.If it belongs to someone else, ask before you use it.
12.If you get permission to borrow it, return it.
13.If you use it all up, replenish it.
14.If the supply of it is running low, put it on the shopping list.
15.If you move it, put it back.
16.If you start a fire, put it out.
17.If you don't know how to operate it, don’t touch it.
18.If it doesn't concern you, don't mess with it.
19.If you want it to get done, just do it.
20.If you don't know how to do it, learn how.
21.If you don't know what to do, ask.
22.If you don't like doing it, too bad. Do it anyway.

Following are age-appropriate chores children can do:
Ages 2 – 3
-Help make the bed (pull covers up)
-Pick-up toys
-Hang clothes on hooks
-Carry laundry to and from the laundry area
-Help feed animals
-Help wipe up spills
-Bring in the newspaper
-Mop a small area
-Pour from a small pitcher
-Help pick up the living room

Ages 4 - 5
Any of the others plus:
-Make their own bed
-Clear dishes from the table
-Set the table
-Retrieve the mail
-Dust the furniture
-Help in the kitchen
-Help carry and put away groceries

Ages 6 - 12
Any of the others plus:
-Take care of pets
-Cook simple foods
-Help wash the car
-Vacuum, sweep and mop
-Clean the bathroom completely
-Rake leaves and shovel snow
-Use the washer and dryer
-Hang and fold laundry
-Take out the trash

Ages 13 and Up
Any of the others plus:
-Change light bulbs
-Replace vacuum cleaner bags
-Wash inside and outside of windows
-Clean out refrigerator
-Clean stove and oven
-Prepare a meal
-Make grocery lists
-Do all laundry functions
-Mow the lawn

You have to NIP IT IN THE BUD. Have a serious talk about him picking up after himself, what your expectations are, and that you are not his mommy or his maid.

Don't back down. The minute you do, yes, you'll be doing everything.

Important question: What was HIS apartment like when you were not living together? I'd love to hear the answer.

Agree, that you must nip it in the bud right from the very beginning. It will not get better unless you confront it. It'll just stew until you explode.

Well, its been +15 yrs for me. Now I yell (gently) at my wife to pick up after herself. She created a monster.

And once you do get a division of labor going, never ever ever "be nice" and do the other's work or you'll be doing it always. During a period when DH was working many extra hours, I started taking the trash out on collection day. Guess who does it every week, even when he's on vacation?

OTOH, it's easy to miss what the other person contributes to the relationship. I fuss that I have to tend to a million niggling little unappreciated chores, but he does the really heavy nasty stuff so I feel it's fair. Perspective helps.

--pk

your bad, sister- this isn't the 20th century any more, and if you want to live as an equal...you have to be ready to do battle with 200 years or so of habit.

romance is all fine and well- but it's a rotten, misguided reason to pick a housemate