Conflict choosing bedrooms

16 years ago

I recently got my first apartment and will be sharing it with a good friend. We both go to the same university and have been living in the dorms the past two years. I found the apartment, and my parents hired a real estate agent to conduct the business deal since we live in a very competitive city for housing. My parents paid 3/4 of the real estate agents fee which was what the first months rent was, and my future roommates parents paid the other 1/4 of the fee. I have done all the groundwork for this apartment including dealing with the real estate agent and propety management, turning on and setting up utilities, etc... When I expressed interest in a paticular room, my roommate said she also liked that room. When I offered to pay more, she offered to pay even more rent. I am willing to pay whatever for the room but it seems like this may be a never ending battle. I feel that I have more of a right to the room since we would not have the place if it weren't for my planning and contribution(monetary and time). I don't want this to be a big issue though, since we are friends and will be living together. Any advice on what to do to avoid resentment? Am I being unreasonable?

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Comments (7)

angel47630
16 years ago
I am offering advice as a been there done that gal!

I had the exact same issue arise in my 20's and I was paying $45 more rent and took the bigger bedroom. My roommate secretly loathed me over the whole stupid issue the entire time and the whole thing should have been mediated BEFORE we ever moved in. Sit down and discuss it with her. Tell her how you feel, ask how she feels..........get your parents involved to support both of you, work all things out in the open or you will move in with a line drawn in the sand and it might never be repairable.

Your friend needs to be totally reasonable. There is going to be the best bedroom, hands down, but, if you did all the foot work and all the paper work and paid the most fees, does she feel that entitles you to the first pick? Establish that out in the open.

It is really a test of a friendship to live together. It really is. Guys are the next thing that can ruin it :)

Always talk to her, with adult help if needed, so she knows you want your situation to be happy and good, not a failure.

Best of luck, post how things turn out.
colleenoz
16 years ago
Or, it's a bit of a PITA, but you could agree to swap rooms every three/six months so each of you gets the desired bedroom. Flip a coin to decide who gets it first. It may be after the first changeover (or even before), you both decide it's too much hassle to do the change, but will be OK with whichever room you have ended up in. And by then, too, the "desirable bedroom" may have shown up some less desirable qualities that make it not such the prize you both thought it would be (noisy person overhead, mysterious smell, sun shining in early in the morning waking you up, whatever).
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moonshadow
16 years ago
Good advice so far, and based on what you said IMHO you should probably get dibs on the bedroom you prefer. I'm wondering if she gets 'her way' with this if there will not be other issues down the line that she lets you do more of the work on but she wants to reap the rewards?
lucy
16 years ago
OR, you could agree to let her have the room, but charge her more for other things (utilities, etc.) to equalize the way you came into the place originally.
talley_sue_nyc
16 years ago
I think if you did the ground work, and paid the bulk of the initial fees, that gives you the right to the bigger apartment, but you should also pay more.

I think it's always most wise to have one person whose apartment it is, and the other person is subletting from them, and can leave if they want. This means that the person who "has" the apartment has to be a good landlord, or else risk losing their roommate. But it also means, when there is a conflict, it's clear who wins.

And if the roommate doesn't like it, they are freer to leave then they'd be if their name was on the lease.
dreamgarden
16 years ago
"My parents paid 3/4 of the real estate agents fee which was what the first months rent was, and my future roommates parents paid the other 1/4 of the fee. I paid to have the utilities set up,etc."

You/your parents paid more. You put the utilities in your name. Why should the other roommate get a choice of bedrooms when she isn't willing to split the costs equally?

You did all the work, you should get first choice. If you want to bother switching rooms in 6 months, fine. Switch the utilities to her name as well.
craftfetish
16 years ago
When I was in school, I lived with 2 other people and we rotated who would get the lousy room from year to year and it was pretty amicable, with rent adjusted according to just how lousy it was. But my enthusiasm for moving has really declined over time.

My friends and I never did this, but my uncle told me that he and his buddies would "bid" on their rooms at the beginning of the year. Start the bidding at total rent/number of renters and whoever was willing to pay the most got the best room. This works if everyone agrees to it and you benefit from the cost savings on the cheaper room. If your parents are paying the rent, or you aren't broke, the small room consolation prize may not be worth it.

You can make the case that you did all the work to get the place, but if you volunteered for that job, it may not carry enough weight/ appease any possible resntment from her.

It sucks, but you said this is a good friend. I'd flip a coin.