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Crazy neighboor...what to do?

Posted by coolmama (My Page) on
Thu, Feb 22, 07 at 23:26

There is an older guy that lives right next to us in our apartment (his outside door to the patio is right next to ours) that is pretty crazy. He is often in the hall wearing only a long t-shirt (and nothing underneath!) and he has like,a mental issue or something. Apparently his daughter pays for him to live there cuz he used to live in assisted living.

Anyways,we have just tried to ignore his other odd behavior and just avoid him,but one thing he has been doing really bothers me alot.

He will play XXX adult movies in the middle of the day,like on a Sunday and turn the volume up so loud we can hear every single thing.
My husband was the first person to hear this,and i didnt believe him at first.
Then I was folding my laundry and kept hearing these moaning sounds. I opened the front door and it was coming from weird man's apartment.
It has gotten so bad,that our daughter will say to us,"Mr.X is at it AGAIN MOM!" and she can hear it while she is playing video games.

Needless to say,I'm completely grossed out.I want to complain to the rental office,but since it is noise that is usually during the day,I'm not sure they could do anything about it.
It's WHAT KIND OF NOISE that is bothering me. I have a young impressionable child who does not need to hear those things yet!
The guy just creeps me out and I have told my daughter to never,ever talk to him if she sees him,and I myself avoid him at all costs.
Any suggestions?


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Crazy neighboor...what to do?

if it were me, I'd check to make sure he's not a registered sex offender. Not that only sex offenders watch porn BUT maybe 'assisted living facility' is a euphemism for PRISON!!


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RE: Crazy neighboor...what to do?

In this day and age, this is a nightmare waiting to happen and not something to take lightly or try to ignore. My first thought, too, was to check to see if he's a registered sex offender. (I've offered a link and search terms below.) This man is aware there is a child nearby, which is the most frightening aspect of this entire situation. He may not appear on a convicted offender database yet, heaven forbid he does get on a list because your child has become his victim.

As a landlord I will tell you this: no way, no how, under any circumstances would I permit such behavior on the premises. Particularly where a child resides. I would be doing everything in my power to get his behavior documented and get him out as fast as possible. So how does a landlord get documentation? You need to get to management asap and make them aware. If that man appears in a public/community area dressed only in a t-shirt again, call the police, do not look the other way. If he blares the porn to where your child can hear it, call the police. I do not encourage people to call 911 for every little tiff. However, your situation is one instance where I would urge you to call. Videotape the noise if possible.

This is a potential liability management and owners do not want (exhibitionist behavior near a child). But odds are they don't know about it and so it's your job to alert them to it. If they are aware of it and have done nothing, they are heading into dangerous waters. When you go to them (today, I hope) inform them that you are extremely ill at ease around this man, fearful for your child's safety. Tell them calmly but firmly that you intend to call the police each time you or your child are subjected to his inappropriate, exhibitionist behavior, directly or indirectly. Then follow through and do it.

After you inform the rental office verbally sit down and type a letter. Again, for documentation. Inform them in the first line that the purpose of your letter is to establish written documentation of events that are transpiring. For example "Dear Manager, This is to confirm our conversation this morning and establish written documentation regarding tenant XYZ's inappropriate behavior." Then go into detail what he's done as you did in your post above. Finish up the letter by stating again that you are fearful for your child's safety around this man and feel you have no other recourse but to call the authorities when you or she are subjected to his exhibitionist behavior. Send it Certified so they have to sign for it and you'll have a record that they received it. By all means, send a copy to the building's owners. If you don't know the name of the building's owner, head to your county government center, go to the Recorder's office or Assessor's office, or check online if they have gone internet. The owner's name is public information and your gov't center can provide you with it. They cannot, however, provide the resident address of the owner, that is something you might need to pursue further yourself. If you get the owner's name and address, send the copy to them Certified as well.

This man may or may not have legitimate health issues that preclude him from behaving within the norms of society. Regardless, when a child is involved, he needs removed from that situation. Even if he never touches her, what she is being exposed to will have an unhealthy impact on her.

You can start here, at Family Watchdog. Go to step 2, choose the state you live in, enter your zip code and you will get a map with markers on it. Click on a marker to get information (photo, name, age, conviction, etc.) I would also encourage you to check your State's database, it might be more up to date (in my state the information appears shortly after conviction). Keep in mind these are those already convicted of crimes. If he has any cases pending, he won't appear in a database unless he's been found guilty in a court of law. I would encourage you to google by your specific state, below are examples of search terms to use. I put in a random State, so you'll need to use the name of your state instead:

Alabama sex offender registry
or
Maine registered sex offender database


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RE: Crazy neighboor...what to do?

That was my first thought as well. SEX OFFENDER! You just can't help but be too careful these days with a child, but what about you being home alone and some sick guy next door. It just shouldn't be allowed.

I can tell you this though, I am in Southern Indiana........a friend of mine just moved into this beautiful new complex and started noticing there are all kinds of "mentally ill" folks around. Well, come to find out, there is an entire building for them and the other residents do not have to be notified because they say it is the sick people's rights to have their privacy protected!!! I would be so livid. So, at least in IN, it is the sick people who get the protection and not the rest. Hopefully a sex offender would be different.

I would make this a huge issue if it were me since you have a young girl in the house, it is a disaster waiting to happen and the mere fact he is watching XXX movies indicates he has some type of sexual issue.

Let us know what you do~
Karen


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RE: Crazy neighboor...what to do?

...the mere fact he is watching XXX movies indicates he has some type of sexual issue.

Do you realise how many people watch these type of movies? Probably way more than you think. It's just that very few people admit to it. And you only hear about the people who are obsessed with it. It doesn't automatically mean you have an issue.

Yeah, this guy could be a pervert. He could also just not realize that his TV is so loud. Maybe he's losing his hearing. Maybe the pantsless thing is because he has alzheimer's and gets confused, not because he's an exhibitionist.

Yes, you and your child should not be subjected to this. But maybe he belongs in an assisted living home, not jail like everyone else here seems to think.


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RE: Crazy neighboor...what to do?

Sounds like you have a mentaly handicaped neighbor. Its not against the law to watch porn and your landlord has no leagle grounds here at all. You could mention it but prpbably wouldn't get anywhere. Its during the day and obviously not that loud if your husband had to point this out to you.

I would suggest talking to his daughter and ask her to have him turn it down.

It may be gross but its totaly leagle, even with minors around. All you can complain about is noise and I'm guessing if it was just normal TV noise it wouldn't be a problem.

Good luck with this bad situation


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RE: Crazy neighboor...what to do?

coolmama,

I actually did some checking as I work with the community action program in my area. It is actually considered an "eminent danger" to have someone blasting porn throughout an apt. It is considered a threat in this day and age to knowingly have neighbors watching hard core porn. Now where the police dept will take action is when it is considered hard core, which, from the standards I checked on, XXX is considered hard core. It is also something the police will come to right away if you can hear it in your home. It is also reason for a citation to be given in my area, so, please pursue it for your peace of mind. Also, if someone is ill enough they do not "know" right from wrong sexually, they have to have supervised living arrangements in most areas. Hope you don't mind I did a little checking for you, but since I work in the field I thought I might give you some heads up!

Let me know how you make out!


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RE: Crazy neighboor...what to do?

Well,actually,nifiller, I didnt notice it because I wasnt home that time when it happend.but believe me,it is VERY VERY LOUD.
I feel sorry for the old woman who lives right next to him cuz surely she hears every thing too.

I have talked to this guy's daughter before who informed my husband and I this guy has parkinson's disease. I have heard of parkinsons of course,but this guy exhibits behavior that is extremely odd just to be that.
For instance,he told his daughter he was talking to the cops. He was talking to me and my husband! We arent the cops! My husband and I looked at each other like,What the h*ll???

I have checked the registered sex offenders in this area and didnt see him on it.I dont think he is like,criminal,but definitely not all there.

ANGEL~ thanks for the info,I really appreciate it! I think next time it happens i will maybe call the cops...just cuz it IS so loud. the guy cant be that deaf cuz i talked to him and his hearing seemed fine to me.


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RE: Crazy neighboor...what to do?

I am shocked at some of the blase attitude here. This is not just about 'noise' by a long shot. Again, the OP stated "He is often in the hall wearing only a long t-shirt (and nothing underneath!)" When a little girl walks the same hallway and lives right next door, that is a very dangerous area to be going, and again, as a landlord, I would absolutely not tolerate it.


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and a P.S. to Angel

Angel said: "I can tell you this though, I am in Southern Indiana.....the other residents do not have to be notified because they say it is the sick people's rights to have their privacy protected!!! I would be so livid. ...So, at least in IN, it is the sick people who get the protection and not the rest. Hopefully a sex offender would be different."

A sex offender is different in Indiana (my state as well). Here is the database of registered offenders for Indiana if you want to bookmark it:
Indiana Sheriff's Sex Offender Registry.


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RE: Crazy neighboor...what to do?

I'm very protective of my daughter moonshadow,so I dont let her anywhere near this guy ever. When we first moved in,my daughter was out on our porch playing. I heard someone talking to her and I opened the door and went out there. It was the crazy guy. I was pretty rude to him and told my daughter to get in the house. I told her if she ever sees him again she is not to speak to him but to come back in the house right away.
He may not be a bad guy...I have talked to him before.But if he is crazy enough to think I'm a cop,then obviously he may not know right from wrong either.
He has a habit of locking himself out of his apartment. The one time my husband and I helped him,by calling his daughter for him.
After that,my husband wasnt home so I refused to answer the door.

To me,it almost seems like he does these things on purpose. He is NOT hard of hearing,and there is really no excuse for playing xxx movies that loud. There is no excuse for being in the hall without underwear or pants on either.
Thanks for the links


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RE: Crazy neighboor...what to do?

coolmama, I hope you did not take my words wrong, my remarks about the blase attitude were not directed toward you. No doubt you are a very protective mother or you would not have posted here. It's sad that your daughter cannot play on her own back porch, truly. She's just an innocent and no doubt just 'wants to be a kid'. Sad that she is being exposed to these things. I hope you get this resolved, and you're welcome for the links. Please do keep us posted as to how events transpire?


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RE: Crazy neighboor...what to do?

NO~I know your blase comments werent toward me! I was just writing that for everyone,guess I should have made it more clear.
It is sad that we have to watch our kids like a hawk these days.Gone are the days of kids roaming carefree on their own to explore and have fun. (unless you are lucky enough to live in the country where no one can bother them)
If it gets too bad and they dont anything about it,I will just move again when our lease is up in August.
Thank you so much for your support and the info you provided.


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RE: Crazy neighboor...what to do?

coolmama, tell the office what is going on. He probably has mental issues and they can contact his daughter.


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RE: Crazy neighboor...what to do?

"I have talked to this guy's daughter before who informed my husband and I this guy has parkinson's disease. I have heard of parkinsons of course,but this guy exhibits behavior that is extremely odd just to be that.
For instance,he told his daughter he was talking to the cops. He was talking to me and my husband! We arent the cops! My husband and I looked at each other like,What the h*ll??? "

Mental confusion often occurs with Parkinsons either from the disease itself or as a side effect from medication. So really his behavior is not as odd as you think. But it doesnt mean the guy is a danger to you or you child or that he is a sex offender.

"He is NOT hard of hearing,and there is really no excuse for playing xxx movies that loud. There is no excuse for being in the hall without underwear or pants on either."

He has an excuse on both counts. First, no one has told him, management or his daughter the movie sound is bothering anyone or that the neighbors can hear it. Second, Parkinsons can make it real hard to do the most simple things you take for granted like putting on a pair of pants, buttoning or pulling up a zipper.

Is this guy really showing his goods is that how you know no underwear or nothing underneath his long t-shirt? Or is it just speculation that there is nothing under the long shirt? If he is showing the goods on the walks in the hall and it is not speculation, I just dont get why you didnt call the cops right off the first time and continue to allow it to happen often.


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RE: Crazy neighboor...what to do?

"Is this guy really showing his goods is that how you know no underwear or nothing underneath his long t-shirt? Or is it just speculation that there is nothing under the long shirt? If he is showing the goods on the walks in the hall and it is not speculation, I just dont get why you didnt call the cops right off the first time and continue to allow it to happen"

My husband is the one who SAW he had nothing on undernaeth his shirt~I wasnt trying to look.

I think he KNOWS it is offensive to play that crap that loud. He doesnt play his normal tv shows that loud,so why the pornos???
frankly,I didnt complain yet cuz it freaked me out and I'm not even sure it will do any good.
Dont worry,next time I'm just calling the cops.


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RE: Crazy neighboor...what to do?

My neighbor's mother is suffering from advanced stage parkinson's disease and she is quite delusional. She thinks everyone is out to get her, steal her money, hurt her, etc. She is confused about who the "good guys and bad guys" are and I could easily see her confusing neighbors with cops. It's a sad and horrible thing to watch. My neighbor finally got her mother into a nursing home but it was very hard - as long as her mother was physically able to take care of herself and mentally "with it" enough to know what day and year it was and who was president, she did not qualify for medicare to pay for the nursing home (which costs hundreds of dollars a day). She finally got medicare to pay for it after her mother fell several times within the course of a few months, ending up in the hospital with concussions each time.

I think it is tremendously sad that folks like these "fall through the cracks" of our medical system. My mom is currently paying for my grandmother to live in an assisted living facility - it is over $3000/month and they are scrounging to afford it, but she can't live on her own and does not qualify for medicare-paid nursing home care. Based on seeing what my neighbor is going through with her mother, nothing you describe seems out of the ordinary for someone with advanced stage parkinsons, and no, it is not unusual for someone like that to not qualify for nursing home care.

That said, I wouldn't want someone like that living next door to me either, particularly with a young daughter. Have you talked to his daughter about the porn and nudity? Maybe she could talk to him, or possibly get him moved to a different facility. Just try to be sympathetic when you approach her - she is probably having a very rough time with her father now (my neighbor's mom doesn't know who she is some of the time and thinks she's out to steal her money the other half of the time).


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RE: Crazy neighboor...what to do?

Hi,actually I have only ever seen this guy's daughter the one time.
At first I felt sorry for him too. He locked himself out of his apartment 3 times in one month,and it was my husband and I who helped him out those times.
Then he became a bit intrusive.coming out onto the porch while we are talking in his underwear,banging on our door at 2am and asking for quarters to do laundry (while only wearing a t-shirt!)
And the latest is the porn thing...
he also shouldnt be driving,as he came barreling around the corner one day,up over the curb and smashed into the sign in the front yard.
My husband and I think he definitely shouldnt be living alone.

The porn thing though is bothersome.because he KNOWS we have a young daughter,he never plays his regular shows that loud.so WHY WHY WHY must he plays that stuff that loud? It is very obvious to me he may not know wrong from right and that is why I dont trust him or want him anywhere near my daughter.
I feel I have really put up with alot from guy,and have tried to be understanding. But my first priority is my child.I'm trying to protect her innocence.So...I really have no other choice.My husband is going to talk to the rental office about it on Sunday.


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RE: Crazy neighboor...what to do?

I'm a little confused. You say its obvious he may not know wrong from right but expect him to know porn is wrong? He thinks you are the cops but you expect him to know you have a daughter? You seem to think its odd he is asking for quarters in his T-shirt but sounds like you are more understanding on the 2 am knocking. I have a friend with Parkinson's. He was staying at his sons home, a traditional split entry home with about 850 sq feet per level. He went downstairs to get his come and it took him 40 minutes to get back upstairs. When asked why it took so long he explained how he couldn't find his way back up. He kept going into the 2 bedrooms, bath, and family room but couldn't find the stairs. He could share his embarrasing story because by the time he was upstairs he was more his typical self.

I understand you have a terrible neighbor, and one who appears to need much more assitance. Besides contacting the rental office I would recomend contacting the daughter/ other family, the police (about his driving) and do a little research on parkinson's.

I'm more affraid he will kill someone with his car or run his car through your building.


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RE: Crazy neighboor...what to do?

I'm always up late so the 2am thing didnt bother me much. I'am usually reading or on the computer.
The guy DOES know we have a daughter,he has talked to her before,which is why I thought he'd have more common sense about the porn.

To be honest,I know nothing about parkinson's disease.How would I even know that is what is really his problem? His daughter could have been lying to protect him.Sounds like he kinda got "kicked out" of the assisted living he was in for some reason,so I really dont know.His daughter just seemed worried he may get kicked out of here too.


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RE: Crazy neighboor...what to do?

FWIW I don't think he has Parkinsons. Parkinson's is mostly dealing with motor skills. (Michael J Fox).

I would guess Dementia, or Alzheimers.

Here is some good information.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/parkinsons-disease/DS00295/DSECTION=2

I don't care how late a person is up, calls after 2 am and knocks on my door after 2 am better be some sort of emergency.


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RE: Crazy neighboor...what to do?

dementia occurs sometimes w/ Parkinsons

From that site:
Dementia. A small percentage of people with Parkinson's develop this mental disorder which affects the ability to think, reason and remember late in the course of the disease. Although it's often associated with Alzheimer's disease, dementia can also occur with other conditions. In Parkinson's, the onset of dementia is often marked by slowed thought processes and problems with concentration.


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RE: Crazy neighboor...what to do?

The fact that the neighbor listens to his non-porn programs at a reasonable level makes me think he is somewhat aware of what he is doing. I would be PO'd if he were walking around without enough clothes on in front of any children let alone my own daughter.

I'd keep a camera handy as well as start documenting what he does and when he does it.

In some communities, you can call your local police and they will come over and assess your apartment to see how secure it is from burglars.

I'd ask the officer who shows up to tell you what you should do when the neighbor is blasting the porn or walking around without enough clothes. Have him talk to your daughter too. You never know, he might be willing to run a background check on him to be sure he isn't on an offender list somewhere.


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RE: Crazy neighboor...what to do?

Thanks for the great advice dreamgarden! I DO have a video camera too,so I think I should perhaps start "documenting" these "episodes" as well. My husband is friends with several police officers who come into his work often,so maybe I'll have him ask them and see if they can come over.


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RE: Crazy neighboor...what to do?

"The guy DOES know we have a daughter,he has talked to her before,which is why I thought he'd have more common sense about the porn."

Yes and he thinks youre a cop too, despite talking to you before. Why are you expecting the guy to somehow differentiate your daughter in his confusion? Its not like someone with dementia or mental confusion can snap out of it because a child is involved.

"The porn thing though is bothersome.because he KNOWS we have a young daughter,he never plays his regular shows that loud.so WHY WHY WHY must he plays that stuff that loud?"

Well because the meat of the movie is usually accompanied by muffled dialogue and low level sounds. The guy is turning up the volume to hear the low levels accompanying the important parts of the movie.

If this is about protecting your child and you are concerned you should not wait for a next time and you should not wait for your husband to talk to the rental company on Sunday. I assume you have a phone, why wait till Sunday?


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RE: Crazy neighboor...what to do?

"Well because the meat of the movie is usually accompanied by muffled dialogue and low level sounds. The guy is turning up the volume to hear the low levels accompanying the "important parts of the movie."
Oh no,dont even go there. I can hear the entire story lie of the movie from where I'm at,and there isnt any dialouge except for moaning and screaming.I'am familar with these movies,I'm not a nun,and the kind he has are hardcore.

"If this is about protecting your child and you are concerned you should not wait for a next time and you should not wait for your husband to talk to the rental company on Sunday. I assume you have a phone, why wait till Sunday?"

because that is the only day he has off work and he is planning on going in the rental office and talking to the same guy we always talk to for the last 6 years we've been with this place. He is a friend and will give us the best advice on what to do.

"Yes and he thinks youre a cop too, despite talking to you before."
No,that was the FIRST time I met him.He knows I'm not a cop now! He remembers who I'am.


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update

Yesterday we went to the rental office and spoke to our lease agent about the problem. He informed us that several other neighbors have already complained about the "Loud porn",and that a letter was sent out to the man telling him of the complaints and that he cannot have the porn turned up loud enough so that people can hear it.That if it continues it will be considered a violation of the lease and he will asked to move! A letter was also sent to his daughter because she is on the lease too.
The lease agent was sympathetic because he knows how long we have been here and that we have a child.He said they WILL NOT tolerate that here.

We didnt mention him walking around in only a t-shirt and stuff though. Thankfully my daughter has never SEEN that.
So,I feel alot better ...just hope that the situation is dealt with now and that he will stop.


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RE: Crazy neighboor...what to do?

why didn't you mention him walking around in only a T-shirt? If it bothers you and you want it stopped, you need it ALL on the table. Call the guy from the rental office and tell him, PRONTO!


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RE: Crazy neighboor...what to do?


"The lease agent was sympathetic because he knows how long we have been here and that we have a child.He said they WILL NOT tolerate that here."

It is good that your neighbors complained as well. If this guy wants to act weird, let him go someplace where there aren't children.


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RE: Crazy neighboor...what to do?

I would have told about the walking around in just a T-shirt right off the bat! In our lease it states, "inappropriate dress or behavior is grounds for immediate eviction and removal from the property"...........why not play your trump card?


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