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Roommate is inviting her boyfriend to live with us...

Posted by lila987 (My Page) on
Thu, Feb 15, 07 at 10:40

I'm in a difficult position with my roomate---we'll call her Mary. We've been living in our apartment (lease is in both of our names) since September of 2006 in a 2/2. Mary has the master bedroom and I have the 2nd (which I don't mind that much, I still have my own bathroom, but she does have a slightly larger room with a walk in closet). Her boyfriend has pretty much already been living here since November (spending the night every single night, etc.).

Now, I don't have a problem with him living with us. However, I do have a problem with the proposition that she wants...she wants her and her boyfriend to split her half of the rent (around $600) and pay 2/3 of the utilities (we pay for electric and our phone/dsl, both are in my name). However, that's a $30 difference on my part.

I'm already slightly irritated with the fact that he's been staying here for nearly 3 months, but due to things that were going on in their relationship I was giving them time.

Now when I had a conversation with her last night, I told her that I wanted them to each pay 1/3 of the rent and that they could split 1/2 of the utilities (so that I'm paying 1/3 rent and 1/2 utilities). She said that there was no way that they would do that because they could get a one bedroom apartment for that amount (1/3 of rent is $383). I don't think that it's fair for me to be paying nearly $600 for the same space that we're living in. They may be sharing a room, however 1) I didn't force them to make that decison 2) They are using more things than just the bedroom---our balcony, fridge, air, etc.

She then told me that if I refuse to comply with her terms that she wants to break the lease...now if we were to do that, it'd be a decent amount of money and I'm about ready to say that if it comes to that she will pay the full amount to break the lease. Besides, his name isn't on our lease...

Does anyone have any suggestions?


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Roommate is inviting her boyfriend to live with us...

If his name isn't on your lease, that might give you some leverage, bcs you could use "telling the landlord" as leverage.

I can understand why splitting the rent 3 ways might seem unfair to her, since it's not like a 3BR apartment; she's thinking that she's sharing HER space, and the only thing that changes is the mount of electricity being used, or whatever (though, if you're being not being charged for hot water, I bet the electrical bill doesn't change much).

But I also think she can't have an extra person in there for the same amount of money. Because unless he spends all his time in the bedroom, then she is also sharing YOUR space with him.

(are you splitting it halvies right now? What way does she compensate you for her having the bigger room? When I had the bigger room, it was because I had paid the full security deposit and the last month's rent; my roomie didn't; I also had the full lease responsibility, and she didn't; also she had major use of the living room bcs I did crafts and stuff in my bedroom)

Is there somewhere between halvies and thirds? rent is $1150; half is $575; third is $383. What if the big bedroom becomes $650, and the little bedroom is $500? They split the big one, you pay for the little one.

The thing is, maybe she COULD get a 1BR for $750, but it would be a major pain, plus she'd have to pay for breaking the lease, even if it was only her half. And if she breaks her lease, maybe it would be harder to get a 1BR.

One point you can make is that, w/ him living there (and really this has been a problem all along, but now it's official and sanctioned--which means that now there is no "doing her favors by putting up with it" and in fact, it's time for her to start paying you back for the favor you did her all these months), that means the use of the SHARED space is more crowded.

You're less likely to find yourself w/ the living room to yourself now and then, because 3 people will be using it; even if she works late one night, he'll be likely to be home (this will be true for all of you, but you're not in the "family unit"); she'll never be out for a little while because she's visiting her boyfriend; they'll live in the living room instead of her occasionally "living" in the bedroom, which she might be more likely to do if he weren't there. When they're both home, they'll be talking to each other, instead of her talking w/ you, or nobody talking at all.

I've never known in what happens in a two-names-on-the-lease situation. What if she wants to break the lease and you don't? Is the whole lease broken, whether you want it to be or not? If so, what recourse do you have in terms of her agreement with you--small claims court? If she wants out, then can you get another roommate to take her place on the lease?

That might be the best--to speak to the landlord to see if you can take over the lease, or replace her with someone else.

Frankly, I would NOT want to live with someone and their boyfriend. Talk about feeling like an outsider, in your own home! She's changing the rules, bigtime, and probably you should have said something long ago, even before you moved in together, about what the agreement would be in terms of boyfriends staying over, etc. You *should* have told her you had a problem w/ him living with you, if only so you'd have a bargaining chip. (and in fact, you actually DO have a problem w/ him living with you)

This is one reason why the landlord I had back when I shared an apartment would not put 2 names on the lease. My name was on the lease, and I was responsible for the rent, etc., w/ permission to have a roommate.

best of luck

And the lesson for us all--set up rules on this sort of thing before you even agree to go apartment hunting with one another.


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RE: Roommate is inviting her boyfriend to live with us...

I believe state laws are diffenet for roomates breaking leases. In MN both roomates are fully responsible for the lease. If one or both break the lease I can sue them both for the full amount. Not fair as the responsible one will typically pay and repair theirs and the deadbeat tenants credit. Then the responsible tenant would be forced to sue/ collect from the roomate.

You need to put your foot down and perhaps talk to your landlord. It should be split in thirds, everything utilities and rent. She isn't the only one that could move out. Perhaps he would be willing to just take over your half of the lease?

Remind her she entered into a leagle contract and both the landlord and yourself expect her to fullfill it. Tell her she isn't being fair to you, and you never would have agreed to be roomates under these circumstances.


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RE: Roommate is inviting her boyfriend to live with us...

Due to your soft heart and kind generosity she has been taken you for a ride. YOu gotta stop it now and be firm. In fact he should pay you back rent/utilities. It should be all 1/3 equally. He has invaded your privacy and she has broken that trust that it was only the two of you, minus the lovaar, to be sharing that space. I dont care if he never leaves that room. There is still a stranger that wasnt part of the lease. Make it clear with her or she will need to ship her/him out. Show her all of these comments so it can get into her empty head. She has abuse the priviledge and you had allow it to happen. So be strong and firm. No more the nice guy person. YOU are not Mother teresa.

In all honestly if I was you I would say, "this is mine and yours place. He cant live here any longer. I didnt sign up to this. You have abuse the priviledge and our friendship. I feel unconfortable having him around. I dont care if he stars paying 1/3 I want my privacy and my space now. He needs to be out of here within 24 hrs or I wil contact the manager."
Also be aware that perhaps he has been paying her money all along while you are stuck with the smaller room, less space and paying most of the rent. Now how dumb would that be? So dont trust this woman any more.
IF she indeed decides to move, check out the contract. even if is not there by law, most state, required any roomantes that moves out and his/her name is on the lease that they need to fullfill their legal obligations. So she could move out but she will need to find a replacement, that you can agree and feel good with, on her own.

She also has to give the landloard a 30 days notice. the day that she does move out with her looser boyfriend, make sure that you are present with eyes wide open. YOu dont want to find out that your Mac computer or ipod, microwave is missing. And by all means dont offer any moving help. Why should you when she is the one sticking the arrow in your back?
GOod luck, stand up for your rights and keep us posted 2 see what transpired.


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