Humor - Marney's Thanksgiving Letter

adellabedella_usaNovember 18, 2012

This letter was originally posted on the Awkward Family Photos website a few years back. It's become sort of a classic. It's time to bring it out again for the holidays. Enjoy!

From: Marney

As you all know a fabulous Thanksgiving Dinner does not make itself. I need to ask each of you to help by bringing something to complete the meal. I truly appreciate your offers to assist with the meal preparation.

Now, while I do have quite a sense of humor and joke around all the time, I COULD NOT BE MORE SERIOUS when I am providing you with your Thanksgiving instructions and orders. I am very particular, so please perform your task EXACTLY as I have requested and read your portion very carefully. If I ask you to bring your offering in a container that has a lid, bring your offering in a container WITH A LID, NOT ALUMINUM FOIL! If I ask you to bring a serving spoon for your dish, BRING A SERVING SPOON, NOT A SOUP SPOON! And please do not forget anything.

All food that is to be cooked should already be prepared, bring it hot and ready to serve, warm or room temp. These are your ONLY THREE options. Anything meant to be served cold should, of course, already be cold.

HJB"Dinner wine

The Mike Byron Family

  1. Turnips in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. Please do not fill the casserole all the way up to the top, it gets too messy. I know this may come as a bit of a surprise to you, but most of us hate turnips so don't feel like you a have to feed an army.

  2. Two half gallons of ice cream, one must be VANILLA, I don't care what the other one is. No store brands please. I did see an ad this morning for Hagan Daz Peppermint Bark Ice Cream, yum!! (no pressure here, though).

  3. Toppings for the ice cream.

  4. A case of bottled water, NOT gallons, any brand is ok.

The Bob Byron Family

  1. Green beans or asparagus (not both) in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. If you are making the green beans, please prepare FOUR pounds, if you are making asparagus please prepare FIVE pounds. It is up to you how you wish to prepare them, no soupy sauces, no cheese (you know how Mike is), a light sprinkling of toasted nuts, or pancetta, or some EVOO would be a nice way to jazz them up.

  2. A case of beer of your choice (I have Coors Light and

Corona) or a bottle of clos du bois chardonnay (you will have to let me know which you will bring prior to 11/22).

The Lisa Byron Chesterford Family

  1. Lisa as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level. You can bring an hors d’ouvres. A few helpful hints/suggestions. Keep it very light, and non-filling, NO COCKTAIL SAUCE, no beans of any kind. I think your best bet would be a platter of fresh veggies and dip. Not a huge platter mind you (i.e., not the plastic platter from the supermarket).

The Michelle Bobble Family

  1. Stuffing in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please make the stuffing sans meat.

  2. 2.5-3 qts. of mashed squash in a casserole with a lid and serving spoon

  3. Proscuitto pin wheel - please stick to the recipe, no need to bring a plate.

  4. A pie knife

The June Davis Family

  1. 15 LBS of mashed potatoes in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please do not use the over-size blue serving dish you used last year. Because you are making such a large batch you can do one of two things: put half the mash in a regulation size casserole with lid and put the other half in a plastic container and we can just replenish with that or use two regulation size casserole dishes with lids. Only one serving spoon is needed.

  2. A bottle of clos du bois chardonnay

The Amy Misto Family (why do I even bother she will never read this)

  1. A pumpkin pie in a pie dish (please use my silver palate recipe) no knife needed.

  2. An apple pie in a pie dish, you can use your own recipe, no knife needed.

Looking forward to the 28th!!

Marney

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pkramer60

I love this mainly because I know someone that is just like the hostess!

    Bookmark   November 18, 2012 at 3:38PM
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pkramer60

I love this mainly because I know someone that is just like the hostess!

    Bookmark   November 18, 2012 at 3:39PM
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marilyn_sue

So funny, I had to copy and paste and send it on. Thanks for posting it.

Sue

    Bookmark   November 18, 2012 at 6:56PM
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cynic

I saved that one a couple years ago, it's great. And should be used more often IMO. :)

    Bookmark   November 18, 2012 at 9:53PM
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bob_cville

I've seen this before and just love it. After reading it again on Sunday I went shopping, and on one of the end-cap displays near the wine section, they featured Clos du Bois Chardonnay, and I let out loud snort of laughter.

I felt like making a cryptic sign that simply said "Marney says 'BUY THIS WINE'"

    Bookmark   November 19, 2012 at 10:15AM
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jannie

Love it!

    Bookmark   November 19, 2012 at 11:57AM
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ghoghunter

I think this is really a scream!!! Love reading it every year! I'm glad I'm not invited to the Byron family dinner though!!!
Joann

    Bookmark   November 19, 2012 at 1:51PM
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