My mouth was 5 minutes ahead of my brain

satine_gwOctober 2, 2012

Oh boy I just got home from dinner with 4 friends one of whom I often have difficulty being around. Other people also have trouble but I just sort of reached my limit tonight. Dont know how we started talking about CEOs and the enormous money they make and after going around and around pointing out that many people have high stress jobs but don't make even a living wage. This lady has a very successful travel business which is very high end. She worked very very hard for several years to get where she is and she deserves her rewards. However when she said 90% of hourly workers only work 5-6 hours a day and cheat the employer by spending the other hours on the phone or internet I kind of lost it. All of the other ladies at the table were pointing out that many people work very hard and really shouldn't group all workers together. She proceded to say she doesn't think much of hourly employees and then said wait this is supposed to be a fun night. Long story short I ended up saying that made me feel that she was a step up from others and that made me uncomfortable. She immediately got her phone out and began to text until it was time to leave then walked out ahead of us. I approached her outside and said give me a hug and was she ok.She said she was fine then got into the car of the person she had ridden with. I do feel bad about it but honestly every time we get together she seems to belittling

some group of people. Sorry this is so long and I hope I explained it well enough to understand. Satine

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I try not to go out socially with people I don't care for....maybe you two should not be mingling? Oil and water..........

    Bookmark   October 2, 2012 at 9:24PM
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There are some people who have worked hard to get where they are and forget what it took to get there. Others remember and pass it on. She is a forgetful person. If you really enjoy her company and value the friendship, continue to see her. If not, let her go.

    Bookmark   October 2, 2012 at 9:52PM
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She sounds like she is a judgmental person with a superiority complex who enjoys looking down on others. I would keep far away from her. (I hope that doesn't sound judgmental on my part :o)

    Bookmark   October 2, 2012 at 10:01PM
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I agree with you redcurls. Of course without knowing the interpersonal relationships between satine and her lunch friends it's easy for us to say isn't it? Maybe satine feels obligated to attend? I sympathize with having to subject oneself to the company of those I would rather avoid but I admit that I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt satine because I can't help but get a wealth envy flavor in your post.

    Bookmark   October 2, 2012 at 10:07PM
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I disagree with some of the statements that OnAHolliday just made. I know exactly where Satine is coming from.

I work for the State of California. The state does have employees who are paid by the hour. They get paid only for the hours they actually work. The state also has employees who receive their full monthly salary as long as they appear in the office for at least 5 minutes each day -- they don't have to use leave time (vacation, sick, etc.) for any of the time they are gone as long as they at least come in. I'm one of the majority of state employees who has to use leave time if I'm not working, but as long as I have the required total number of hours each month I get my full salary.

As a whole, state employees have a bad reputation. Yes, I have seen employees asleep at their desks. Yes, I have seen employees who basically read the newspaper all day long, or just go around socializing with everyone. But there are some of us who work really, really hard, who take pride in our work, and who go the extra mile to make sure that stuff gets done when it should, even though we have barely half as many employees in my Office as we did two years ago. I couldn't even begin to tell you how much overtime I have worked, evenings and weekends, etc., without getting extra pay or comp time off. I do it because it's the way I was brought up. And like Satine, I think it's irritating as hell when someone makes a sweeping judgment that all state workers are lazy bums just because some are. The problem is not that state workers are lazy. The problem is that there are some bad employees, but management is worse because if they documented the poor performance, they could then take an adverse action against the lazy employee and fire them.

    Bookmark   October 2, 2012 at 10:29PM
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Satine, I am glad you were able to speak up. Maybe she will do some introspection.
I do not think you have wealth envy at all.
Listen to your heart and speak your mind.

    Bookmark   October 2, 2012 at 11:08PM
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I normally don't chime in, but I will say my piece on this one:

Many hourly employees DO abuse their positions - as an example, every day here in my area, I see government DOT workers, who make GOOD money, standing along the road, talking on their cell phones or sitting on the tailgate of the govt. truck, just chatting. I can go by an hour or two later and they are STILL goofing off.

It goes on everywhere and it can't be denied.

    Bookmark   October 3, 2012 at 6:29AM
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Thanks for the responses. I agree that I should avoid this lady but she and I are part of a group of mothers of former girl scouts who grew up together many of whom who remain good friends. We only get together every once in a while and I value the friendship of the group. I do try to sit where I am not directly across from or next to this lady and most of the time I just grit my teeth if I become uncomfortable with the conversation. I will continue to join in and will make sure I keep myself in a better place so that I can listen without responding/reacting. I am very confident that there is no envy in any way on my part. Satine

    Bookmark   October 3, 2012 at 6:36AM
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I never got "wealth envy" out of Satine's post. I totally understand where you're coming from Satine. Not that we can totally avoid people who aggravate us, but life is to short to intentially spend time with them!

    Bookmark   October 3, 2012 at 6:39AM
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rhizo_1 (North AL) zone 7

Remember...people who 'appear ' to have superiority complexes really have inferiority complexes.

    Bookmark   October 3, 2012 at 6:43AM
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You are not a second-class citizen, you deserve more. I really empathize with you. (((satine))) Friends are like that. Sometimes they really tick us off and sometimes, we grow apart. You may even come around to her again or she to you. Or not. Don't sweat it if she doesn't or you don't.

    Bookmark   October 3, 2012 at 8:34AM
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I just received an email from the "leader of the troop" who does the organizing of the get togthers. She was sorry that the evening wasnt the relaxing time she had hoped for. She said she was so caught up in her own anger and indignation that she did not hear our exchange. She also expressed disapointment that our friend choose to be so divisive because she really does have alot to add to the group. I am hoping that all of us try to be a little more aware of subjects and situations that might be triggers and just work around them. Although I firmly believe what I said to be true it was not the appropriate thing to say. Moving on hopefully with the group intact. Satine

    Bookmark   October 3, 2012 at 8:58AM
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It does get sticky when everyone doesn't believe absolutely the same thing all the time. You are entitled to your opinion, she is entitled to hers.

In my family, I have 5 siblings, DH has 5 siblings, when we have a family get together, Politics and religion are off limits.

There have been so many HEATED "discussions" that is is totally off limits now. If someone does make a comment or ask a question that is political or religious, it gets shot down almost immediately by several people.

If it can cause a rift in families, look what it can do to "friends". Maybe at the next meeting, some ground rules could be in place about what is and isn't acceptable for topics?

    Bookmark   October 3, 2012 at 9:12AM
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I don't think HOW any person is paid is relevant to the amount of time any person wastes in a day...
Wasting time at work crosses ALL socioeconomic lines.

    Bookmark   October 3, 2012 at 11:30AM
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She had no qualms about what she said so you shouldn't either. Shake it off, don't discuss it with others who were there and go on like it never happened unless she brings it up and then I'd say "I prefer not to talk about that as we're so polarized on our views" and end it there.

    Bookmark   October 3, 2012 at 2:22PM
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Our best friends are an uber left couple. We have absolutely NOTHING we agree on politically. That aside, he's the architect I used to design a substantial extension to our home and they are THE couple we vacation with. We just spent four days at a winery festival in north Georgia (Crushfest). The wine isn't going to compete with the west coast greats but the Genesis line is, no kidding, very nice.

The things we have in common are much too enjoyable to let the differences interfere. Like us, they are high school sweethearts and, pushing 50, are drinking up a 28 year marriage. Our mutual interests are unending... We know how we differ politically but have an IQ relatively high enough to dispense with that and enjoy each other for the qualities we see in each other.

I agree with whoever said that life's too short to spend it with people we find distasteful.

    Bookmark   October 3, 2012 at 2:53PM
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It sounds as though you've decided how to handle this in the future. If there are enough *other* benefits to spending time with this person, you will have to 'agree to disagree'. If NOT, you'll avoid her even more.

I wouldn't thrive at kat-lan's family gatherings!

    Bookmark   October 3, 2012 at 2:54PM
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Thanks everybody. I certainly spoke the truth but that is not the point. It was not the appropriate thing to say especially there were others present and even though I know they felt the same way it was totally not appropriate. Im sure we will be fine as we get together seldom and many times she will be traveling or Im not available. I will excuse myself if I ever get to that point again. Thanks to all. Satine

    Bookmark   October 3, 2012 at 3:42PM
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Hi satine,

You have as much right to your (reasonable) opinion as she to hers ... and if she feels it important to spread her views around, aren't yours just as valuable?

Perhaps you've both learned that sometimes it's better to lay down the cudgels before one gets to hitting the other over the head with them.

Remember - try not to forget to not sweat the small stuff.

When the world is in as precarious a position as it is at present, especially for those of us in the west, some of our personal issues rather pale in comparison.

ole joyful

    Bookmark   October 4, 2012 at 1:49PM
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chisue, it was definitely a hard learned fact. We all love each other so very much and are all very close.

We also know we can't change each other's minds/opinions. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs, but beating each other up over them trying to convince each other "I'm" right is not worth hard feelings.

Now if someone starts it up, several will say "I'm not going there" and that pretty much ends it.

    Bookmark   October 4, 2012 at 3:43PM
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I just hope she doesn't employ any hourly wage-earners. I wouldn't want to be one of them and have her look down on me.

    Bookmark   October 4, 2012 at 7:04PM
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blfenton, funny you should mention that. She does in fact and she just had to replace her assistant because the assistant found a new position. The previous time we were together she was telling us that her employee actually called her mother during work time and we all pointed out that unless she was having long conversations a quick call to a parent or child is not unreasonable. It takes all kinds and that is what makes life interesting. Satine

    Bookmark   October 4, 2012 at 8:01PM
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