My friend has a great master of language

jasdipOctober 30, 2012

I keep saying that my friend should be a writer. She paints such vivid pictures and I just love the way she writes. I've posted some of her emails before.

This is the latest one, and it breaks me up, as usual!

"Do you know how to make macaroon spiders? I just learned how make them tonight and I am never going to make them again. Ever!

You make macaroons. So far so good. I like macaroons. Then you put them in the fridge to cool. While you're waiting, you dip 100+ pretzels into chocolate. Not so good. Messy, very messy.

Then you bake the macaroons. Then you add 4 chocolate covered pretzels to each side of a warm macaroon and add eyes.

Easy on paper, not so easy in real life. I am apparently incapable of shoving 8 gooey chocolate covered pretzels into a macaroon, so each spider only has 4 legs. That tend to rise up in the air. Spider legs don't usually point skyward. Oh well, they'll look better when we add the eyes, right?

Bulk Barn was out of candy eyes, so we used mini M & M's instead. But.....M & M's don't have pupils, so we added black icing dots to each stupid M & M for the pupil.

Guess what? The icing takes a really, really long time to set. So it goes like this.......pick up a pair of eyes, smear the pupil, eat the eyes, make new ones. Gently put the eyes on the macaroon and realize they'll fall off. Apply pressure. Crack the eyes. Eat the eyes, make new ones.

1200 calories later, each spider has a pair of eyes. Check the final product. Ummmm, Nicole, they don't really look like spiders. They look more like demented crabs. Nice, traditional Halloween crabs. Oh well, let's move on to the costume.

Buying a costume is cheating. Halloween is all about using your imagination. I'm recycling one of Jeremy's old costumes so this part of the evening goes well.

Strategically place ketchup smears (including a hand print) on a white lab coat. Add a few details like bloodshot eyeballs and severed fingers hanging out of the pockets. A syringe, some thread and a needle ( a really BIG needle), maybe some vaguely green and yellow smears (body fluids come in all colors, don't 'ya know).

Add surgical gloves with red nail polish smears (ketchup slides right off the plastic.....you need the right tools for the job ).

Don't forget the name tag......your choice of Dr. I. M. Insane or Dr. U. R. Next, freelance surgeon. Stethoscope around the neck, surgical mask over the mouth. Nicole is grossed out by her own costume. I've done my job well
Just gotta finish the pumpkins now. They were on sale for 88 cents each. I let Nicole talk me into buying 10. We've painted some, we've carved some. Still have some left. We painted them white tonight and they're drying.

Tomorrow night we're going to glue crayons all around the top. Then take a hair dryer and melt the crayons so the colored wax drips down and covers the sides. Looks kinda cool and easy to do. Wanna bet it looks easier on paper than it will in real life?

I think I need a new name tag. Perhaps I. M Anidiot ?

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kayjones

PRECIOUS!!!! Thanks for sharing this wonderful narrative with us!!!

    Bookmark   October 30, 2012 at 9:21AM
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rob333

Oh my gosh! Wonderfully written. Witty! I can't say enough. Except that I was having a horrible day and now I can't stop smiling. I can't decide which thing I love the most. The eyes, tradtional crabs, the name tags... oh it's all fantastic! Great friend you have there.

-R

    Bookmark   October 30, 2012 at 9:44AM
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nanny98

I agree. Such a fun person. Thanks for sharing.

    Bookmark   October 30, 2012 at 11:08AM
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yayagal

That was hilarious, she's quite the gal for painting a picture for us to imagine. Great.

    Bookmark   October 30, 2012 at 11:34AM
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lydia1959

Very funny and well written! She'd have quite a following I'll bet if she started a blog!

    Bookmark   October 30, 2012 at 11:50AM
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jasdip

I keep telling her she should be a writer. She is just so funny, and I love the way she can put things into words.

Here is another one of her emails that I posted this summer.

Here is a link that might be useful: Another post of her writing

    Bookmark   October 30, 2012 at 1:08PM
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marie_ndcal

She brings laughter to me and maybe instead of a writer, have her copyright her works (very important) and submit them to different magazines and/or put them in a booklet form.

    Bookmark   October 30, 2012 at 1:22PM
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