Alone and scared

satine_gwAugust 3, 2012

I got a call from my daugher and she told me she got fired. I immediately got angry because I know she is not telling me the truth about why she lost her job and I told her that. We ended up screaming at each other over the phone and now Im really worried. I have calmed down a little and tried to reach her and her phone is off. I am terrified that she is going to just give up and use. She had been doing so well (at least I thought so) Now she has to find another job--pregnant and her arms a mess from needles--how will she ever get a job. I am so scared. I had gotten to the point that I could accept that her choices are hers to make and beyond my control but I am just sick about this. I know I am rambling but I just have to get this out. Once again I ask for prayers. Satine

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taigen_gw

Satine...it is indeed so very hard to see our "kids" or someone we love make decisions/choices that we feel are not in their best interests but you said it yourself...they are her choices.
You have to have hope and faith that what you have taught and given her will somehow now kick in to help her. I know as parents/loved ones we are left to pick up the pieces so to speak and are called on for help when needed.
It isn't easy I know and I will keep you and her in my thoughts & prayers.
Take care.

    Bookmark   August 3, 2012 at 6:56PM
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trixietx

I'm so sorry and will keep you and your daughter in my prayers!

    Bookmark   August 3, 2012 at 7:00PM
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kayjones

I could not offer more than what Taigen said. I will offer up prayers for you and your daughter and the baby.

    Bookmark   August 3, 2012 at 7:01PM
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kacram

me either, Kay. I'm sorry Satine. We are here for you

    Bookmark   August 3, 2012 at 7:03PM
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pam_25f

Me too. So sorry for this new worry.

    Bookmark   August 3, 2012 at 7:27PM
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glenda_al

Ohhh I'm sorry to hear!

Hugs and special thoughts!

    Bookmark   August 3, 2012 at 7:32PM
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cheryl_ok

You are in my thoughts! I'm sorry you are going thru this

    Bookmark   August 3, 2012 at 8:47PM
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abundantblessings

This is a very stressful situation, and I will pray for the well-being of your daughter and grandchild. Have you considered Al-Anon or sought counseling from your community's social service agencies and/or church guidance for some direction to agencies that may be able to assist?

    Bookmark   August 3, 2012 at 9:00PM
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juellie1962

Oh Satine, I'm so sorry! I can't imagine your stress. I wish I had something wise to say. I don't, so I'll just let you know how much you are thought of. Hugs and prayers for you!!

    Bookmark   August 3, 2012 at 9:13PM
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phyllis__mn

Sending caring thoughts out to you, Satine, and to your daughter. May tomorrow be brighter.

    Bookmark   August 3, 2012 at 9:17PM
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joann23456

I'm so sorry things are so bad right now.

    Bookmark   August 3, 2012 at 9:20PM
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sylviatexas1

Is there someone you can call to go to her home?

Does she have a close friend, confidante, etc?

Somebody needs to physically be there with her.

Do whatever you have to & whatever you can to get her some strong support.

I'm holding you & her & the baby in my thoughts & in my heart.

    Bookmark   August 3, 2012 at 10:06PM
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lydia1959

So sorry Satine. Wishing the best for her and her unborn baby. Hope an employer will give her a chance.

    Bookmark   August 3, 2012 at 11:39PM
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grandma_bonnie

Satine - prayers going up for you to be strong. You have to take care of yourself for when she wants your help. Be ready, but know that you didn't cause any of this - you can't control her and you can't cure her. you can't change her - you can only person you can change is yourself, Blessing sent to you - see if there is a Na-Anon near you - they've been thru the samne things you have and will offer you help and hope...

    Bookmark   August 3, 2012 at 11:39PM
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drewsmaga

Sending prayers. Be strong. Let go and let God.

    Bookmark   August 4, 2012 at 12:47AM
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eileen101

I understand what you are going through. Our adopted daughter has been on and off drugs since she was 17 and now she's 25. She's had two babies and has left each one without ever looking back. Pray for what you can change and accept what you can't change. We are not the miracle makers, the Lord is.
eileen

    Bookmark   August 4, 2012 at 3:55AM
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jannie

I'm praying for you and your daughter,Satine. My younger one got mixed up with alcohol and a DWI arrest, I know the heartbreak of an uncontrollable kid.

    Bookmark   August 4, 2012 at 9:46AM
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alisande

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, Satine. One thought: If you contact the rehab she was in earlier, perhaps one of the counselors there might have some advice for you. I hope things will turn around for your daughter soon.

    Bookmark   August 4, 2012 at 9:58AM
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Georgysmom

It never seems to end for you, Satine. You must know that it is TOTALLY out of your control. All you can do is pray that she will be okay. (((Satine)))

    Bookmark   August 4, 2012 at 10:57AM
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emma

Sorry to hear this. Don't give up hope. Our granddaughter didn't use, but she screamed and yelled at every one. She had 4 cats in the bedroom with a litter box and her newborn baby. I dropped in once and heard her yelling through the door at her Mom. There were stick on room deodorizers all over the house. When I saw the mess in the bedroom I told her if your case worker comes and sees this baby's environment she will get an order to remove your baby. This whole house stinks of cat waste. I guess I really let her have it. She had just enrolled in wick and I think that was a major help in turning her around. They taught her how to take care of the baby and she turned into a responsible adult, good mother and ended up supporting her husband and 2 kids.

    Bookmark   August 4, 2012 at 11:01AM
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vannie

Satine, I am so sorry for what you're going through. It's so hard to come to the conclusion that you just can't do anything--it's up to them. I am so sorry she is pregnant. I will add her to my prayer list and hope for the best. We've had this in our family, so I know how you feel. God bless all of y'all. Wish there was a better answer, but it's all up to her. So sad.

    Bookmark   August 4, 2012 at 12:20PM
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nanny98

I am sorry as well for this heartache you are experiencing. As others have said, you must not beat yourself up over things that you can not control. Sending many prayers for your strength during this crisis and prayers that she will do the right thing.

    Bookmark   August 4, 2012 at 12:31PM
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lisa_fla

Just wanted to send you a cyber hug. So hard to sit back and watch someone self destruct. Never give up hope, but try not to let her decisions bring you down too/ Easier said then done.

    Bookmark   August 4, 2012 at 12:35PM
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satine_gw

Thank you all for your responses. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach yesterday. I am beginning to calm down a little and I do know that this is all beyond my control. I have worked for several years through group and individual therapy to reach that point. The way Im feeling now was how I felt every single day the past several years and getting that feeling yesterday just about did me in. Im sorry for all of you who have been through this horrible experience. I am most upset that after her terrible medical problem, two months of rehab, living in a group home and finally sober living home that this happened. Of course my biggest fear is that she will go back to drugs. I can't begin to tell you how helpful it is to come here and get such support. I don't feel as alone. These are the times that I so wish my husband were here with me. Thank you all for your compassion and understanding. Satine

    Bookmark   August 4, 2012 at 12:44PM
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tami_ohio

Satine, I keepy you, your DD & her baby in my prayers daily, and will continue to do so.

Tami

    Bookmark   August 5, 2012 at 2:41PM
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Jamie_LA

No advice here, I wish I did. But, I will send you thoughts and prayers.

    Bookmark   August 5, 2012 at 4:19PM
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jel48

I'm so sorry, Satine.

    Bookmark   August 6, 2012 at 5:46AM
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rob333

(((Satine and daughter))) It's really hard to get past something and then have to relive it again. You haven't lost all of your healing. Instead, you'll get past it easier this time, than the last time. I'm just sure of it.

    Bookmark   August 6, 2012 at 8:22AM
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satine_gw

Rob333, your words really helped me. I am trying to put things in prospective and although this latest situation blind sided me I am trying to remember the things I have gotten through in the past. I got a call from my daughter late yesterday afternoon telling me that she was having trouble breathing and thought she should go to the hospital. I agreed and told her to call me back when she could to let me know how she is doing. I still have not heard from her but I know that if she had been in real medical trouble I would have heard from her. It is called manipulation and Im trying hard to stay out of the game. Satine

    Bookmark   August 6, 2012 at 8:47AM
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chisue

"Keep Calm and Carry On." Easier said than done, eh?

What do you wish you'd done differently when your DD called? Rehearse that response for 'the next time'. Be 'an ear' and say you are sorry she is upset.

Even little babies have to learn how to 'self soothe'.

I'm remembering a cartoon strip I read last week. The mother is on a stepladder in the kitchen. Her young son reports that the baby (just crawling) is in the living room, crying. Mom asks if the baby is injured, or 'stuck' somewhere, or if she needs a new diaper. The little boy says no to all of that. Mom tells him to go sit with the baby and talk to her. The last panel has the boy quietly telling his sister that she needs to "Man Up." (Your DD needs to do that, and you have to let her do it...or not.)

    Bookmark   August 6, 2012 at 1:17PM
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dedtired

Satine, I am so sorry for your heartbreak. I hope your daughter finds a way to turn herself around. Does she plan to keep the baby? You will be pulled further in when there is an infant involved, if that is her plan. Although I am not religious, I do like the message in the AA Serenity Prayer.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

    Bookmark   August 6, 2012 at 5:47PM
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satine_gw

dedtired and others, thank you for your messages. My daughter is not going to keep the baby and is looking into adoption. I say the serenity prayer often and it really does help me. I also say to myself "just for today" which is one of the naranon offerings. Some times I change it to "just for an hour" I can do this, just for an hour. Satine

    Bookmark   August 6, 2012 at 6:19PM
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joyfulguy

hi again satine,

How hard it is to let go of them - they're grown up, and have to make their own mistakes and, we hope, learn from them.

Time done at the library - I mistakenly dturned on thecapitals, started to edit.

hOW FORTUNATE WE ARE IF, HAVINFG SEEN OTHERS MAKE A NUMBER OF MISTAKES, WE CAN LEARN FROM THOSE EXAMPLES ...

... BUT SOME DO, AND SOME DON'T.

aLSO, IT'S HARD FOR MANY WHO HAVE TRIED DRUGS AND BECOME ADDICTED, TO LEVE THEM ALONE, AND PERSIST IN THAT RESOLVE.

pLEASE TELL YOURSELF, ONCE MORE, THAT YOU CAN'T LIVE SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE FOR THEM.

wE CAN E THERE FOR THEM, REFUSE TO BE MANIPULATED (TOUGH LOVE\)

(((((Satime)))))

with affection

ole joyful

    Bookmark   August 7, 2012 at 7:55PM
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