college student

fuzzyappleAugust 14, 2014

Has anyone else found that when their college age kids come home for the summer, they just aren't the same anymore? They seem to want a run of the house and don't want to talk to you anymore or tell you where they are going? Mine will be a Sophomore this year and last year lived in the dorm. This year will be the sorority house.

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SnidelyWhiplash

My experience was that once each of my kids went off to college, they were no longer children but rather adults in training. You see the transformation when they're home for a visit. By years 2 and 3 of undergrad years, they may not come home for the summer break. You should hope the maturation process is completed by graduation time.

We gave our visiting "college students" more space - they've been living on their own, not with Mom and Dad. Setting reasonable rules about communicating where and when they go is ok, to a point. As far as chatty sessions, you need to develop your new and changed relationship with "adult" children. It takes work and attention to figure out how to do that. What you do and how that evolves will determine how happy they are to visit and how frequently they'll do so (absent an economic reason to do so).

Relationships with your kids change as they grow up, as it should. The childhood relationships and habits are gone. That's a good thing

    Bookmark   August 14, 2014 at 3:16PM
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sheilajoyce_gw

We did not have problems with communicating. But you do have to give them credit for being more mature now. I did not worry about the hours they kept in college at their dorms and apartments, but when they were home, I wanted them home before the bars close at 2am and the drunks are on the road in greater numbers. I just appealed to them that as a mom I worry, and they had to be considerate of me when they were home so that I could get my sleep. I was far more flexible, and they appreciated that.

I think we all remembered our eldest's little friend who was babysitting, driven home by drunk mom and were in a horrible, firey accident that killed them both, burning them to death. I am sure that sad example spoke to them when I told them I worried too much to sleep.

I found with my daughter especially that sharing a lot of the things that happened to my friends and me when we were in college in the dark ages helped keep the communication lines open too. She found many of my stories funny and memorable--and repeated in the experiences she and her friends had. Human nature does not change all that much.

But these stories gave her a heads up of sorts. And some of the great lines my friends used in those circumstances may well have been useful too.

    Bookmark   August 14, 2014 at 3:56PM
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susanjf_gw

lol...heck my 2 kids that stayed home were the same way, til they left, as the 2 that went away sooner....and wait till they give that "look" when you ask them to do something around the house....or the "know it all' when you have one in grad school...(she got her msw, and tried to socialize us as well, lol)

I must say they worked and paid their own way, so can't find too much fault...

    Bookmark   August 14, 2014 at 4:34PM
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OklaMoni

I just drew the line, when they complained about my choice of food in the fridge.

This was/is my house, and you can eat what I have, or you can get your own. Requesting something additional was fine, just don't gripe about what I have!

Moni

    Bookmark   August 14, 2014 at 5:46PM
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oldfixer

Life is full of changes, college or not.

    Bookmark   August 14, 2014 at 6:12PM
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