Opinions please

emmaAugust 2, 2012

I have been thinking of something that happened and I was shocked when I heard it. I was just wondering how other people feel about this. This very, very intelligent man who is approaching late 40's is divorce and looking for someone like most people are. He has a very high IQ and his company doubled his salary after shortly after they hired him. His mother told me that he has dated some very nice women but nothing lasts. He is now afraid he will never find a mate. I found out that after dating a woman for awhile he hands her a test to take, an intelligence test. To me it is like, "I want to see if you are worthy of me". I think it proves that no matter how smart a person is, they can still be stupid.

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schoolhouse_gw

I think if he's really serious about finding a "worthy" mate, he should attend events or find a hobby where others that think like him would socialize. Yeesh.

    Bookmark   August 2, 2012 at 11:19AM
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phyllis__mn

Stupid is as stupid does! I wonder what some of their responses were to this action.

    Bookmark   August 2, 2012 at 11:19AM
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wanda_va

Great idea! I would accept the test and write on it "I am too smart to be involved with the likes of you"!

    Bookmark   August 2, 2012 at 11:22AM
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alisande

Why doesn't he just join Mensa? Then he could dispense with the test. But at least the test reveals valuable information to the women.....about him.

    Bookmark   August 2, 2012 at 11:24AM
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nanny98

My opinion is that people who are really intelligent are usually somewhat 'peculiar'...in that they perceive the world a bit differently from the norm. So, yes, he should try to find groups or events where genius type folks gather. My sister married the 'not so genius' one in a family of geniuses....it was very "odd". (and did not last)

    Bookmark   August 2, 2012 at 11:30AM
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emma

He is a very good man and an especially good father, for example he takes piano lessons with his kids. He is always there for them. He does all kinds of things to meet women, except going to bars. He takes dance lessons and is very good from what I hear. He has no problem finding dates he is very popular. They just don't last as you can expect. I think his mom needs to have a serious talk with him about the test. He is a good son to his mom and might listen.

    Bookmark   August 2, 2012 at 11:33AM
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alisande

I meant to add that it's somewhat interesting that he thinks he needs a test to determine someone's intelligence. In my experience, intelligence (or lack thereof) is pretty easy to pick up in conversation.

    Bookmark   August 2, 2012 at 11:39AM
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cardamom

It's too bad he thinks that's such an end all to finding a partner. I think I'd tell him I might take his but he just flunked the first part of mine .

    Bookmark   August 2, 2012 at 12:05PM
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redcurls

I think it's more than the test.......just sayin'......

    Bookmark   August 2, 2012 at 12:35PM
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kayjones

He sounds like Sheldon, from the Big Bang Theory!

When we think about dating someone new, we give them a 'test' of sorts - we size them up to see if they will be a match for us - it's instinctual. This person just happens to do it on paper.

As Susan said, most of us can do this 'test' through normal conversation, but this person may have been hurt badly in the past, and just wants to make sure he is with someone of his intellect. Even the bible says to make sure you are evenly 'yoked' to your mate.

"Tests" are given, when choosing a mate in the wild animal kingdom, every day - I don't see a problem with it. If, indeed, he is someone like the character 'Sheldon', I wouldn't want to be with him anyway!

    Bookmark   August 2, 2012 at 12:36PM
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ravencajun Zone 8b TX

well you could consider it similar to all the forms and information one must give when creating a profile for a dating site or company, if you are willing to do it for them a group of strangers then why not for someone you have actually met gone out with and may be interested in. Just give one right back to him to see if his info fits your needs too. It is definitely not conventional but it does not sound like he is a conventional person. I have known and do know several people that are very high IQ and their minds tend to work a bit differently than others. It may be that he processes the information better when in a concise written format and I bet he would be fine with her asking him to do the same.

Differences are what make the world such a colorful place LOL.
The real Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons) is from here his family lives not very far from me. He is a great person and an amazing character on the show.

    Bookmark   August 2, 2012 at 1:07PM
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kayjones

Raven, he sure is - I watch the show just to watch him. He was on Ellen a few months ago - a very personable and interesting man - very good looking, too.

    Bookmark   August 2, 2012 at 1:26PM
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emma

Raven this is not a profile. I have not seen a profile yet that wants to know what your IQ is. I know high powered people would be difficult to live with.

I judge people by their behavior, kindness, respect for others, one who puts his family before his ambitions

I know this young man, he is my nephew and of course his Mom is my sister. I never said anything about his testing women until month's later when she mentioned he is concerned he will never find a mate. I asked her would she marry a man who wanted to taste her cooking or inspect your home to see if she was a good housekeeper. She didn't reply and I know what her answer would be. She would tell him to take a flying leap off a bridge. I am hoping she will talk to him about it. I think it is insulting and lets you know what your life with him would be. What does it matter if she is not as smart he is. He could lose the woman who is respectful of his family, who the family likes, sweet and gentle. I think he already has lost that one.

    Bookmark   August 2, 2012 at 1:37PM
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blfenton

There is IQ and then there is EQ. He passed the IQ but is failing the EQ.

    Bookmark   August 2, 2012 at 1:47PM
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Marigene

I don't wonder he is a divorced man!

    Bookmark   August 2, 2012 at 1:47PM
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elisabeth_rose

I don't think this can be much of a mystery. Of course none of his relationships will last. Once he brings out the paperwork, any woman capable of rational thought would be out of there. Hopefully they understands how lucky they are to being given fair warning of what their future would be like with this man.

Elisabeth

    Bookmark   August 2, 2012 at 1:58PM
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marie_ndcal

Couple of thoughts. Is he looking for a mom like his mom? Cooking, personality, etc? And is he looking for a mate as smart as he is, and seems to be in competition with him without realizing. Some females who are very intelligent really push buttons in others, whether they are male or female. Maybe instead of tests, he could evaluate what he really is looking for. Maybe you and Mom could just sit down and ask, put stuff on paper, talk about and think about it. Just my thoughts.
Good luck to all
M.

    Bookmark   August 2, 2012 at 2:09PM
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mary_c_gw

I don't find it at all strange that he's divorced, LOL.

Someone needs to tell the man that he's a complete jackass (and possibly in more direct terms)!

I know this type of person - DH worked with many. It's not a male issue, I know many incredibly intelligent women with the same flaws. It's a lack of social emotional awareness, and social graces.

    Bookmark   August 2, 2012 at 2:15PM
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emma

Yes he is divorced and they were a pair. As soon as the honeymoon was over he started organizing the house. She was a very bad housekeeper. He threw food stuff away that was expired, bulging cans of food, that she said was still good. She was a mess. She would not give her daughter any meds even when she was sick. She put a big sign over her babies bed "no baby powder or oil or any foreign matter on the baby". When it was 2 or 3 years old she got sick with a high fever, the Mom wouldn't give it meds to reduce the fever and it went into convulsions. They took it to the ER, they almost lost her. The mom and dad share custody of the kids and the kids want to live with their Dad. Their Mom makes them do the cooking, gardening and anything else she decides she wants done, the oldest is 13. My nephew bought a house within walking distance of their mom so they can walk over. The son has come to his Dad twice crying and saying don't make me go back.

I will say one more thing about my nephew, his quirks are not cause bye his IQ, he inherited them.I won't even go into his Dad.

    Bookmark   August 2, 2012 at 2:24PM
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chi83

It wouldn't really bother me. I wonder if I can get away with giving a test for my potential dates, haha! Would save a lot of problems in the long run.

But really, when you're dating you test the person all the time, but generally less formally. Hypothetical questions on goals, future ambitions, financial security, health/fitness, family dynamics, past history, emotional stability, things like that. Everyone has their own standards. I had someone refuse to date me solely because I'm a vegetarian because going out to dinner is THAT important to him. Just like I won't date smokers - it's a deal breaker for me.

I think it would be fun, but then again intelligence is one of the highest ranked traits for me in a mate so I can understand where he's coming from but maybe not the method!

    Bookmark   August 2, 2012 at 2:28PM
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lily316

If he doesn't want to join Mensa, I would think he could meet women at an event which he particularly enjoys. The bar scene is for pickups and I'd never do that. But I would think just in conversation with a person you could gauge their intelligence by questions and discussions. Everyone has a list of who they wouldn't date. Mine would include smokers, druggies, men who don't love animals, men who live and breathe sports and aren't into the arts etc...

    Bookmark   August 2, 2012 at 2:43PM
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oldgardener_2009

I know a man like that, highly intelligent but with no social skills.

However, the man you're referring to just may find a highly intelligent but socially awkward woman that is pleased that he had the forethought to give her an IQ test. There is someone for everyone. ;)

    Bookmark   August 2, 2012 at 2:57PM
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emma

I Googled Mensa and forwarded what I found to my sister. Thanks.

    Bookmark   August 2, 2012 at 3:07PM
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chisue

Most aults could benefit from an examination "from the neck up" to better start living from the "now".

This guy had a terrible marriage. It scared him. It scarred him. A 'superior intelligence' has *nothing* to do with it. Point is, he needs to get himself together before he can think about another relationship.

He needs to see how he could benefit from seeking professional help for his psychological woundsfor a physical wound. It may take trying more than one or two psychologists. He's not happy now. What does he have to lose?

    Bookmark   August 2, 2012 at 3:43PM
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mary_c_gw

As a member, I can't imagine what joining Mensa would do for him - except make HIM pass an IQ test, LOL.

Maybe that would be good for him.

    Bookmark   August 2, 2012 at 4:47PM
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FlamingO in AR

I have a quirky family, too, (all on the male side of the family) but this guy sounds kind of odd. I wonder what he would do if it turned out that his GF was smarter than he is? Would he like that, or hate it?

Some of the best marriages I know are mixed- one is very inelligent and the other has a ton of common sense.

It's all about balance, I think. He doesn't sound like he's real balanced. I don't mean that in an insulting way, I hope you realize. My family's quirks can almost rival this one. :)

    Bookmark   August 2, 2012 at 5:19PM
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emma

He is a very nice kid and I call him kid because of my age. He is such a good Dad and son and only has the best of intention. He may have gotten the idea right away that the test was not appropriate. My sis not mention it again. His parents put him in a Jesuit school, then the Jesuit college. It cost them most of their savings. When the second son came along, they could not afford to send him and he could not have passed the entrance exams. But what goes around comes around I think. As I said before the older son's company doubled his salary in a short few months and they asked him if he knew anyone else that knew the computer like he did. He said "yes, by brother" and they hired him. The last time I spoke to the younger brother he said he is almost up to the same 6 figured salary as his brother and that was over 10 years ago. No telling what they make now and it's not about money. It is about being productive and ambitious and providing for your children. I am so proud of them. At least someone in the family had good children.

    Bookmark   August 2, 2012 at 6:04PM
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Tally

This thread made me laugh. Maybe he's looking to find the perfect mother to breed a genius.

And by the way, just what kind of intelligence test is he administering - a proctored exam approved by Mensa or one of those throw-away feel good ones you find on the internet?

At any rate, it's his life and he is free to conduct it as he wishes. Perhaps oldgardener is right - there's someone for everyone. I hope he finds the right one for him, although it may take time and adjusting his approach as needed :)

    Bookmark   August 2, 2012 at 9:50PM
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drewsmaga

Does he have undiagnosed Asperger's syndrome (high functioning autism)? I have a family member diagnosed with it at 32 yrs. old and it explained his whole life -- extremely intelligent (engineer) with very poor social skills.

    Bookmark   August 3, 2012 at 12:56AM
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sylviatexas1

I once dated a guy who was extremely smart.

When we disagreed, he'd say that he was making "observations" & that I was expressing my "opinions" or, even worse, my "impressions".

I got so exasperated with having his IQ shoved down my throat that I told him he ought to join Mensa, & he smirked & preened a little, but he never did take the test.

Years later, it dawned on me that,
1) he might not have passed the test &
2) if he had passed the test, he wouldn't have been the smartest person in every room!

When someone has that "can you jump through this hoop?" kind of attitude, passing the test-of-the-day won't be the end of it.

("oh, you jumped through this hoop?
ok, how about if I raise it this much?
can you jump through *this* hoop?")

I my own self, based on my experience with Mr IQ (who also came from a messed-up background), would thank goodness I found out right up front & didn't waste time & energy & maybe emotion, & I'd try to remember it as a good story to put in my memoirs.

    Bookmark   August 3, 2012 at 5:18PM
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