I need to vent...and some advice...no lecturing, please
I moved a little over a year ago to be with a man I met online. Things really have been wonderful, except now he seems to be cycling, and of course when the depression hits, it's because of something I've done, or not done, and always something of a personal nature.
I do have some experience with mental health issues. My ex husband was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder after almost ten years of symptoms. I really don't want to be on this roller coaster ride again, where everything is my fault. OK, I know that it's NOT my fault, but when he's depressed, and it's because of something he thinks I've done, I feel like crap and don't know how or even if I should defend myself. Usually when this happens, it comes without warning and on the heels of him feeling great, then POW....he shuts down, mopes, and after 3 or 4 days of giving him space, I make him talk about it. That's when I find out something that I allegedly did to cause him to feel this way. Sometimes, it's been a misunderstanding, most times, what ever I did or said was taken the wrong way. I love this man, but I don't know how much more I can take. I feel I'm being emotionally abused. He has not been diagnosed. We have talked about the possibility of him being bipolar, and he says he hasn't been able to find a dr. I think he just doesn't want to know for sure.
I have been clinically depressed in the past, haven't been on any meds for about 4 years and been doing great up until now. It would be so easy to shut down, but I don't want back in that black pit of depression. Maybe I'm the one who needs to go see a therapist?