Joke

kittywhiskersJuly 24, 2012

The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher.

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid,takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to

laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are

watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!'

Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to

lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back

against the wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.

They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there in the first place.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her

seat.

I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's Show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
bengardening

now that is funny

    Bookmark   July 24, 2012 at 7:43PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
joyfulguy

Good one.

Should be quite a hit in the staff room.

Maybe even on TV.

ole joyful

    Bookmark   July 24, 2012 at 7:49PM
Sign Up to comment
More Discussions
Site of the Day Mar 3
You Fitness - lots of fitness and workout videos http://www.youfitness.me/...
caseynfld
Answering phone, left or right ear?
I just realized when answering a phone I pick it up...
pekemom
Chi83's wedding
Chi83 -- I was remiss in not wishing you and your hubby...
Lindsey_CA
Will it be a break, fracture or sprain?
Will find out at 11:10, Tuesday, if it is one of the...
glenda_al
Today is"Carrot Cake Day!"
Would love for you to share your recipes. I have 3-4...
Amazing Aunt Audrey
People viewed this after searching for:
© 2015 Houzz Inc. Houzz® The new way to design your home™