My friend should be a humourous writer...
I got this email recently from a friend of mine. I don't know anyone who has a way with words as she does. Everything she writes is a joy to read.
I couldn't stop laughing reading this, and I just have to share it with you all. It totally breaks me up. The son and daughter are teenagers.
"You may be getting more of a kick out of my life than I am at the moment
Just in case you're wondering why it's taken me 5 hours to reply, here's what the rest of my evening was like:
- played a computer game with Nicole that somehow managed to irritate my computer so much that it absolutely refused to bring up my e-mail program afterwards
- computer no longer speaking to me, so I decide to put together a bedframe instead. Need both kids to help on this one.
- neighbour's kids come over to see the cats so subtract Nicole from the bedframe project. Add a large mess in the living room comprised of tinfoil balls, yarn, kitty treats, more yarn, furniture rearrangement and yet more yarn while the 3 of them amuse themselves by playing with the kitten.
- Upstairs, in my bedroom, Jeremy and I spend an inordinate amount of time (a) discussing the virtues of following the directions for assembling the aforementioned bedframe (I vote yes, he votes no.....I win, he sulks) and (b) staring at the screws in a futile attempt to figure out why the directions mention 5/16 x 3/4 screws and 1/2 x 1" screws but the package also includes some skinny screws about 3" long. Also discover two small pieces of black plastic that defy all attempts to comprehend what possible function they serve. Let's hope it's not a critical function because we ain't gonna use 'em.
- neighbour's kids leave, Nicole comes to help. I spend an inordinate amount of time explaining why doing cartwheels on the boxspring does not contribute to the goal of transforming long pieces of metal, an overabundance of screws and mystery plastic into a bedframe
- we use a protractor from the kids' math sets to align the bed frame (don't ask.....I'd rather not relive that moment)
- I figure out how to use a ratchet instead of a wrench to tighten the bolts. Somewhat torn between feeling really proud of myself for figuring out a faster way to secure the bolts and feeling really pathetic because I'm feeling proud of myself for figuring out how to use a ratchet.
- 10:30 p.m. Bedframe is together, but can't figure out how the headboard works. The headboard consists of exactly 3 pieces and none of us can figure out how it goes together. No instructions included because the manufacturer apparently thinks it's so obvious instructions are not necessary. No feelings of pride here.......clearly a case of pathetic
- 11:00 p.m. Tired.....so very tired. Want to go to bed and read for a bit to relax. Can't. Bed is so far away from the wall that I'll fall over backwards and get stuck between the wall and the bed if I try to read sitting up. Headboard is currently at the foot of the bed. Give up and go downstairs.
- 11:30 p.m. Have a long talk with the computer. Explain that I'm in no mood for any further misbehaving so I will restart it and it will give me back e-mail capability. Restart. Doesn't work. Damned if I'm going to beg a stupid collection of electronic bits and pieces to do it's job, so I give it my best 'don't push your luck any further' look. Computer gets the message and works.
- midnight - in the basement writing e-mail to you, listening to ominous bumps and clatters from above. Know full well that cats are immune to my 'don't push your luck any further' look. It works on kids and computers but not cats. Contemplate the wisdom of sleeping on the floor down here. Reject the idea. Prepare to trudge upstairs to get 6 hours sleep so I can start a new day.
I strongly dislike Mondays."