My wife's aunt

bonebloodyidleJune 17, 2013

A cousin of my wife has been sent to jail for messing with small boys. The whole family are distraught, especially as when he was on his way to court he said it was only for motoring offences. His mother is in her 80s and taking this very badly, I fear this could finish her off as she hasn't been well recently. How can I help her? The heinous nature of the crimes are known in the neighborhood since it was listed in the local paper and the identity of the perp is obvious from the details printed as this is a small rural community, though his name was witheld from the article.

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socks

Oh poor thing! Just don't let her be alone at all if possible. Allow her to talk about it, assure her the whole family is horrified and embarrassed, but in the end the cousin is responsible.

So sorry. When we have awful, shameful events occur, I often think of the extended family and how they must feel, so ashamed to be related to someone who would do a heinous crime.

    Bookmark   June 17, 2013 at 9:06PM
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kayjones

I am so sorry for your family. Please assure his mother that she is not responsible for his bad decisions. Every family has at least one 'black sheep' or embarrassing family member - I know I do. We will hold your family up in our prayers.

    Bookmark   June 17, 2013 at 9:25PM
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carol_in_california

Acknowledge her sadness and dismay.
Listen....a lot.

    Bookmark   June 17, 2013 at 11:58PM
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jannie

Such a sad situation.It seems she's very sick. My guess is she won't spend much time in jail, one way or the other. She will get (hopefully,supervised) probation or die soon.I don't intend to be mean, just sound that way.

This post was edited by jannie on Tue, Jun 18, 13 at 8:44

    Bookmark   June 18, 2013 at 8:36AM
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dedtired

That is one of the most disgusting crimes I can think of.No wonder your wife's aunt is so distraught. I hope he gets to spend a good long time cooling his heels in jail. Actually, pedophilia is incurable and their are institutions for people like that.

I feel bad for the aunt. Imagine raising someone like that. Someone in our community went to jail for three years for buying online child porn, so I hope a pedophile -- someone who actually molested small children -- gets a far longer sentence than that.

I'm sorry for the aunt's suffering and glad that her family is supporting her, but the worst suffering is the children who were violated.

    Bookmark   June 18, 2013 at 9:38AM
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ravencajun Zone 8b TX

Mother's so often want to take on the sins of their children thinking what did I do wrong to make him do this? She is probably going through those types of guilty thoughts. Assure her it is NOT her fault in any way and that people who do these kinds of acts have a serious problem and possibly a mental condition. Who knows exactly why but it is NOT the mother's fault what an adult grown male decided to do.
It makes it worse when it is such a small town and every one talks about it and of course there are those looks that are cast at the family.

Talking to a therapist or even a priest or minister might help her.

    Bookmark   June 18, 2013 at 1:39PM
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susanjf_gw

what a sad situation...praying for the victims, your aunt and dw...

    Bookmark   June 18, 2013 at 3:37PM
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redcurls

I can't imagine!!! How awful for the family to endure having a monster in the family.

    Bookmark   June 18, 2013 at 7:35PM
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redcurls

I can't imagine!!! How awful for the family to endure having a monster in the family.

    Bookmark   June 18, 2013 at 7:36PM
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janie_ga

You might be able to contact the prosecutor's office and talk with the victim's advocate... now that the trial is over, they should be able to help her locate support, either in-person or telephone based maybe if she is home-bound.

If you send me an email through my page here and tell me the city, state, I might be able to locate a name/number or a group that can help.

    Bookmark   June 19, 2013 at 5:13AM
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rhizo_1 (North AL) zone 7

That's very kind of you, janie.

What a tragic heartbreak for so many people. There is a long list of victims in any crime and the mothers of the criminals surely suffer as much as those of the victims.

    Bookmark   June 19, 2013 at 9:10AM
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sleeperblues

I think you got the situation wrong, Jannie. It was the Aunt's son who was the pedo, not the aunt.

    Bookmark   June 19, 2013 at 9:32AM
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angelaid

Member page says he's from Ireland. Sad situation for the family.

    Bookmark   June 19, 2013 at 1:00PM
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janie_ga

Sleeper, I understood. I just meant the prosecutor's office may not have been as willing to talk to the defendant's mom until after the trial was over.

    Bookmark   June 19, 2013 at 1:00PM
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sleeperblues

Janie, I was referring to Jannie. I think she thought the older lady was the one in trouble with the pedophilia. Re-read her post. Just trying to clarify it for her.

    Bookmark   June 19, 2013 at 5:40PM
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morz8

All I can really add to this is, coming from a smaller community too, its unfortunate but people will talk, and sometimes be judgmental. But, they will also forget and move onto something else, and that will give Aunt some time to work out her feelings more privately.

I'm so sorry she has this grief in her life. One thing I do notice with women close in that age bracket if she is in fact alone, going places unescorted can already cause some anxiety, if she thinks she's being looked at or talked about that feeling could be greatly exaggerated. Are you/family close enough to take her the places she must go, especially in the beginning of this journey of accepting what her son has done, coming to terms with his crime? Grocery store, church, social events, she may feel better with someone at her side. Also, watch for signs of withdrawal or depression, monitor nutrition if possible so she does not pay too high a price for what he, not she, has done. If she has health issues already, has someone alerted her doctor of the added stress, sometimes reason for a change in medications....

    Bookmark   June 19, 2013 at 6:45PM
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janie_ga

Ah, okay Sleeper- thanks for clarifying... I am quite sleep deprived and cannot even read names this week! :-)

    Bookmark   June 20, 2013 at 12:32AM
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