Craigslist - but not furniture this time

DLM2000September 16, 2012

If I didn't read it I'd never believe it. This has to be a joke - doesn't it? Part time, 10 hrs/wk but 24/7 tethered. I think she really needs a Geisha.

* * * * * * *

Personal Assistant - Errands, Phone Calls, Office Support (Edgewater)

Date: 2012-08-31, 12:57AM CDT

Reply to this post xmj6f-3240852791@job.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

You will be the personal assistant for a busy, 40-something female entrepreneur who works from home and has a hectic travel schedule. She also has a very demanding - while also polite and kind - personal demeanor, which you must get along well with. Mostly that is accomplished by being highly competent, and highly intelligent!

You must have a car, cell phone, and desktop internet access - all of which must be accessible to you 24/7. The job is only 10 hours per week (give or take), but flexibility is important, as is the ability to complete tasks on short notice. Your new employer's working hours are roughly from 8am - midnight, 7 days a week. If you have specific set times you're not available within those times, that can be accommodated - if you are in other ways the ideal candidate.

Your job is to make your employer's life easier, by handling all the details of her life that are annoying, repetitive, frustrating or otherwise potentially stress-inducing. For example:

* Book her flights, hotels and rental cars and put them on her calendar - accurately, and in the precise formatting she requires

* Book her limo driver as needed - and ensure that he understands her expectations of him

* Run errands - dry cleaners, FedEx, Trader Joe's, etc

* Keep her home kitchen stocked with supplements, protein powder and a few key grocery items like soy milk, fresh spinach, berries, etc.

* Fix problems with her technology (hardware and software) as they arise - HTC Evo, Skype, MiFi, iTunes, Dropbox, Google Docs, Evernote, Roku (If you aren't well familiar with any of these specific tools, don't bother to apply)

* Return products she's purchased and doesn't want - online and to retail stores

* Hassle with service providers whenever there's a billing or service interruption issue (AT&T, Comcast, Sprint, Verizon ... Yes, she has accounts with all of them)

* Keep an eye on maintaining her household - oversee the cleaning lady, notice & replace burned-out lightbulbs, schedule routine maintenance like carpet cleaning, water her plants when she's out of town

* Pack & unpack her luggage for her frequent trips - including doing the laundry as needed and keeping her closet tidy

* Book personal appointments, and quickly learn her schedule of personal maintenance - so that when she notices, for example, that it's time to get her roots touched up you've already got the appointment booked

* Light office work for her business - scanning business cards, perhaps some social media correspondence, telephone calls.

* Light "cooking" - mostly this means chopping vegetables for salad

Much of the work you'll be expected to do from home. But you will also need to come to your employer's house at least once a week, and always the day she comes home from a trip (or the next morning, if she comes home very late) - to assist with luggage, laundry, paperwork, making sure there's fresh food in the house, etc etc etc.

Your personal qualifications must include:

* Above average intelligence, and the ability to communicate articulately both in writing and verbally

* Honesty and trustworthiness - the right candidate must prove, as part of the application process, that your new employer can entrust you with her personal passwords for her various accounts

* An attitude of humble servitude - your job is to wait on your employer, accommodate her needs and desires, and make her life easier. And you must take pleasure in being able to do these things, and thus in turn make her happy.

* Good taste. Your employer may ask you to shop for her - pick up a new jacket, buy something for the house, etc. She must be able to trust that your selections will please her even more than her own would.

* Cheerful, optimistic personality - no whiners, victims or sourpusses

* Speed and efficiency in all things

* Organized, detail-oriented, no ADD or ADD-like symptoms! Your employer will send you off-the-cuff directions via email and text, and you'll be expected to write everything down and track your progress toward each task, giving her periodic updates throughout the week.

* No need for praise. While your new employer is gracious and appreciative of a job well done, she will not be spending any of her time or energy stroking your ego.

* No need for personal chit chat. Your new employer isn't cold, but she doesn't want to know about your kids or your home life.

* Thick skin when it comes to accepting criticism. If you screw up, you're gonna hear about it. And your appropriate response is to apologize, accept responsibility for what you did wrong, ask questions to make sure you understand exactly what you did wrong, and how to do it properly next time!

To Apply:

Send an email that is 250 words or less, and which addresses all the requirements listed in this posting. Make sure to inject your personality - we might as well get it out in the open now if you and your new employer aren't going to like each other! The object is to write your application in such a way that your new employer feels totally certain that you can handle everything that is required. If she likes you after 250 words, you'll hear back from us and you'll get the chance to shine even more.

Applicants with disabilities, please note: If you're able to fulfill these job requirements with excellence, then please apply. If not, don't.

Location: Edgewater

Compensation: $12/hr to start. Bonuses and pay increases as you prove yourself worthy.

This is a part-time job.

OK to highlight this job opening for persons with disabilities

Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.

Please, no phone calls about this job!

Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 3240852791

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DLM2000

Darn - meant to put this in conversations

    Bookmark   September 16, 2012 at 7:38PM
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pudgeder

takes all kinds!

    Bookmark   September 16, 2012 at 7:51PM
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chibimimi

She doesn't need a personal assistant -- she needs a wife!

    Bookmark   September 16, 2012 at 7:56PM
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cyn427 (zone 7)

Wow. That is unbelievable. Not sure how anyone could accomplish all that is required in only 10 hours per week, nor do I think someone with the technical knowledge she requires would even consider doing all the other stuff. Oh, and $12 an hour?

Surely this is a joke. Who would ever answer an ad like that? She sounds positively insufferable. Of course, it might be fun to go point by point with the kind of responses she really deserves. ;) I am already coming up with some fun retorts. heheheh

    Bookmark   September 16, 2012 at 7:57PM
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Cindyloo123

This is priceless. If you are willing to do this for $12 an hour, you are WAY too stupid to be MY assistant. They want you to believe you'll be working for Oprah or someone like her, lol. smh Yeah, I'll get right on that 250 word personality filled intro right now!

    Bookmark   September 16, 2012 at 7:59PM
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Boopadaboo

Ha, as I was reading this I was wondering if it was the city. Is it edgewater NJ?

    Bookmark   September 16, 2012 at 8:17PM
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camlan

I've seen similar ads, but they usually also specify that you must be a graduate of an Ivy League university. Because clearly the graduate of a state university couldn't possibly manage to do all that.

I just love the bits about not chatting with your employer and accepting the fact that you won't ever hear a word of praise, but you *will* be getting lots of negative criticism. And you have to prove yourself "worthy" to work for her.

And do everything in 10 hours or less a week. What are the odds that if it takes you more than that, you would still only get paid for 10 hours, because if it took you more, than you were just not efficient enough?

I'd have to be broke and starving before I applied for a job like that.

    Bookmark   September 16, 2012 at 8:25PM
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trailrunnerbiker

well my DB said "at least you don't have to clean the hamster cage ! ". I sent her a response and asked if this is a joke...will see if she responds. c

    Bookmark   September 16, 2012 at 8:43PM
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palimpsest

The guy who fixes problems with my computer, which are relatively simple because I don't use many applications, charges $50 an hour and is considered dirt cheap.

This sounds like: be available at the drop of a hat for 80 hours a week, but I will only pay you for 10. It actually works out to $1.50 an hour not $12.00

    Bookmark   September 16, 2012 at 8:48PM
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kelpmermaid

Chibimimi has it - she's looking for a wife! LOL!

    Bookmark   September 16, 2012 at 8:52PM
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palimpsest

Actually since you are to be available 24 hours a day, it works out to $1.00 an hour.

I sent an email with these calculations and said she must be an extreme narcissist.

    Bookmark   September 16, 2012 at 8:53PM
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DLM2000

Chibimimi I know a lot of wives who do a lot of things for their husbands, but I'm hoping you don't really mean wives should put up with the type of treatment outlined above!

cyn427 now that you've opened that door, I want to hear your reply! Mine would be well short of 250 words - more like 7 - "Are you out of your ____ mind???"

boopadaboo - it's Chicago - Edgewater is a north side neighborhood.

Cindyloo123 - LOL!!!

Since her assistant is supposed to be proactive in noticing when her roots need touch-up, how about waxing - lip, brow or bikini? Ewww.

    Bookmark   September 16, 2012 at 8:57PM
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sameboat

I've found sooo many posts like this on Craigslist. people who want someone to watch their children, shop for groceries, cook and clean their house for $10/hr. It's disgusting. These narcissists are trying to take advantage of people who are out of work. I'm surprised they don't ask someone to sleep with their husbands while they're at it. What DO they do for themselves? I hope nobody applies.

    Bookmark   September 16, 2012 at 9:05PM
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GrammyMyrna

palimsest - no it doesn't.

24 hour a day on-call works out to $.50 per hour.

    Bookmark   September 16, 2012 at 9:13PM
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cyn427 (zone 7)

dlm, little things jumped out at me. For instance, in response to She also has a very demanding - while also polite and kind - personal demeanor, which you must get along well with. Mostly that is accomplished by being highly competent, and highly intelligent!, I would respond that "I also am polite and kind as well as demanding. I am sure we would work well together once you learn not to end sentences with prepositions. I am afraid that is a deal-breaker for me, but you sound like a quick learner, so I am sure we will get past that."

I will work on it some more, but it is a school night, so time for bed. Thanks for the fun. Maybe some others will add their thoughts of great responses. See you tomorrow.
:)

    Bookmark   September 16, 2012 at 9:18PM
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palimpsest

oops I was basing it on a 5 day work week. I am not smart enough for the job.

    Bookmark   September 16, 2012 at 9:19PM
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Fun2BHere

Unbelievable! All I can say is that she will probably get exactly the kind of employee she deserves. Trailrunner, I am dying to know if you get a response.

    Bookmark   September 16, 2012 at 9:28PM
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suero

Does she wear Prada?

    Bookmark   September 16, 2012 at 9:44PM
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deee_gw

suero - exactly what I was thinking! Except she doesn't seem to have weight, looks or clothing requirements.

Candidates who consume more than 900 calories per day need not apply. Your Walmart and Target clothes will not be allowed on the premises. Unattractive but otherwise highly qualified candidates must wear a paper bag over their head. (I'm cracking myself up.)

What must it be like to go through life with cajones like that?

    Bookmark   September 16, 2012 at 10:16PM
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bronwynsmom

Dere Madim,

I am apply for job. I do not go to shopping, but can steel for you what you after, very careful, not ever cawt. My brother he is having many things from fall off of trucks. Especially as you require light bubls and manhy nice clothing. He also can very well drive your limo, is good for escaping should you needing this.

Also I can very well handle problems with servicers, as I can handle the weapons and make very afraid if this you are desiring. I am not need of praising, but must say too much harsh is very angry making, which you are not liking that.

Truly yours,
Name when requested to tell it.

    Bookmark   September 16, 2012 at 10:22PM
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desertsteph

"I sent her a response and asked if this is a joke...will see if she responds."

that was what I was thinking to email her.

I love the one by bronwynsmom. send it.

maybe she's writing a book about the idiot responses to ads on CL. but isn't smart enough to put in a decent ad. like 'rot iron for sell'.

    Bookmark   September 17, 2012 at 12:31AM
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CLBlakey

she can't possibly respond it is too repetitive and demeaning for her besides she doesn't have an assistant yet to do her thinking for her.

    Bookmark   September 17, 2012 at 7:43AM
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Oakley

Bronwyn, I spewed my coffee! Brava!

BTW, my first thought was "Prada" also. Is there anyway to dig around to find out who this person is?

I think we all should bombard her with emails. lol

    Bookmark   September 17, 2012 at 8:45AM
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PRO
modern life interiors

The person who wrote the ad is begging for a lawsuit from her new employee.
The boss should change careers. She might be happier owning an s and m parlour. lol

    Bookmark   September 17, 2012 at 9:49AM
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ENMc

Sadly, there are ads just like this on CL in Florida all the time.. and they are worse than that. Many, many times, to add insult to injury they will add that the job has a "trial" period. Code (in Florida) for working for free or very little (usually free). They will say this with a straight face during the interview.

These work on a "trial" basis ads aren't just posted by dolts like her, either. And they aren't just listed at CL. I have seen these on Monster, indeed, etc.

I have never in my life seen anything like it! Sameboat is right.. they are taking advantage of the horrible job situation. And 12.00 is not the norm in Florida. That job would have maybe, maybe offered 10 bucks.

I saw an ad the other day seeking a professional sales person....with all sorts of hi-tech knowledge requirements relative to the specific product...anyway, the ad stated that you must also do curbside "marketing". They expect a professional to dance around and madly wave a sign on the median strip during slow periods.

Hmmm... what else is standard.. 1099....this lets them off the hook for workmens comp insurance. There is big time abuse of this. Also, "Internships"......are advertised heavily. Both of these are applied illegally.

You don't even want to see what they do to people in the medical field. Go the the Dr.'s here, actually, you are going to be going to one of the gazillion walk-in health places. You sign in with the patient registrar . You take a seat.. they call you in and tell you the Medical Assistant will be right with you. Oh, here she comes... she looks familiar. She takes your vitals. Says the lab assistant/ phelbotomist will be right in do to blood work. Must be triplets working here.
You tell her that you hurt your ankle and are having trouble walking. Not a problem, the Xray tech will be with you shortly! Deja Vu all over again! What's that you say? You think you need a flu shot.. not a problem, they are allowed to do injections, too. Btw, this usually pays 8 to 9 per hour.

I am amazed that they don't ask you to stick the broom up your as& and sweep the floor, while you're at it! Oh, I forgot... cleaning duties are always listed, including restrooms!

It's disgusting and frightening.

E

    Bookmark   September 17, 2012 at 9:55AM
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SunnyCottage

Good heavens! I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry. I'm surprised she didn't state that the perfect candidate for this job will be able to "wipe gently but thoroughly." Isn't that, after all, basically what she's requiring her PA to do?

What a pathetic individual.

    Bookmark   September 17, 2012 at 10:53AM
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trailrunnerbiker

no response from her but didn't expect one. People like that couldn't care less about others so our thoughts are a blip on their radar. Check out the thread I posted on the convo side...vulnerability...speaks to this issue for sure :) c

    Bookmark   September 17, 2012 at 11:18AM
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bronwynsmom

Glad you liked it, Oakley...I had fun.
I was channeling Robin WIlliams in "Mrs. Doubtfire," creating all those characters to apply for the nanny job.

    Bookmark   September 17, 2012 at 11:26AM
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Cindyloo123

I'm certain this ad is not for real as I've seen it for years. I assume it is bait for one of the many scams that involve information gathering. They are targeting the kind of person that is "unsophisticated" enough to be willing to do anything just to "work" for a celebrity. My guess is that at some point they ask the applicant for her social security number, as any potential employer actually would.

If you really want to check it out, send a response that sounds legitimate and follow it through to see where it goes. But be careful. Some of these ads want nothing more than to capture your email address, so if you email them at all, you have helped them accomplish their goal.

When something looks to stupid to be true, it is usually because the goal is something other than what has been stated.

    Bookmark   September 17, 2012 at 3:29PM
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trailrunnerbiker

ruh roh...oh well so far nothing in my email and I have spam blocker...just seems a really ugly and mean spirited way to deal with folks...lying and scams...

    Bookmark   September 17, 2012 at 3:47PM
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DLM2000

Cindyloo you're probably right and I'm a bit ashamed that hadn't even crossed my mind. Usually my scam radar is better than that! Trail I hope there are no repercussions for you.

    Bookmark   September 17, 2012 at 4:43PM
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SunnyCottage

They are targeting the kind of person that is "unsophisticated" enough to be willing to do anything just to "work" for a celebrity. My guess is that at some point they ask the applicant for her social security number, as any potential employer actually would.

Wouldn't they have written the ad in such a way that was not nearly so off-putting? I can't imagine anyone in their right mind (unsophisticated or not) reading that ad and saying, "Oh yes! That's for me! I want to work for an a****** for $12 an hour!" - ?

    Bookmark   September 17, 2012 at 4:47PM
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Cindyloo123

Sunny Cottage I'm not sure the scammers are the sharpest tools in the shed either. I think they wanted the reader to believe it was Oprah. I doubt they have any idea what someone like Oprah might put in an ad like that.

I feel so bad for the victims of such people. It makes me mad that our government will not dedicate greater resources to protecting the more vulnerable of our citizens from these guys. And as the baby boomers age, it's going to be like taking candy from babies for the scammers. :(

    Bookmark   September 17, 2012 at 5:41PM
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busybee3

oprah??? it may be a scam, but i seriously doubt they were hoping to sound like oprah!!
and, if it is a scam, they certainly aren't very with-it if they are hoping to entice people with an ad like that stating minimal hours and low pay!!!
there are alot of get 'rich' quick from working at home scams out there tho...

    Bookmark   September 17, 2012 at 6:54PM
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juliekcmo

Or....maybe this is all "secret code" for relationships that you can no longer advertise on the Craigslist....

Just Saying........

    Bookmark   September 17, 2012 at 8:41PM
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Fun2BHere

If the original poster's ad didn't work for you, perhaps you'd rather apply for this job that I've copied from yousuckatcraigslist.com.

In Need Of Personal Manager/Agent In Entertainment

A personal manager. After being in touch mentoring and a other manager ect this year I have a complete vale of access. I just had a unforeseen tragedy that has set my self as a client in urgency. I�ve categorized my priority�s and have ideas even material ready to take on with others. And now plans that have been abruptly interrupted by tragic circumstances. In the past I�ve had a hard time communicating the importance and the impact that is involved with my career. But after consults and ideals of being a aisle celebrity; I still in need, am looking for a person to manage. I�m in need of possible law advice too but in mean time some quicker accounting. Right now what you see is what you get and in my eyes it�s everywhere (POTENTIAL) I�m proof reading my material which over the years has been not credited or even close to being paid for. Until now recently stepping forward in progression, (that) it has been in reverse or done backwards like. For example my involvement with Mandy Moore movies like Tangled and the Disney Channel. Or Neptune Spear The 8th Spear. Tributes charity ect. Or relative common industrial products that lay untouched or being founded on stay as is.

I need personal involvement so if your in a lot of clientele perhaps you can locate someone more willing to be involved with or joint my persona. KINDA SOUNDS LIKE JERRY MAGUIRE LOL! And as said before that�s kind of one particular interest. But this past year and before that I�ve needed at least a contract of a manager, the old hand shake and call me is going to have to be forgotten trusting as well as planning for long term as immediate now. I look to have interviews and personal relationship accesses addressed.

I just finished a album to overhear and establish. As a vocalist. As a overall musician undoing and focusing on simple basics like performance have to be yet accomplished. I�ve written a new book and need someone to address the personal issues with it. (SHES POPULAR) and still I�m waiting to step inside the story ideas I�ve came up with as a actor. Plus look to be accompanied by these things. I�m a out of the box idea thinker from my point of view I can be the best. In ideal placement I�ve regionally put myself at least to what is contracted. My past childhood and recent experiences have been pretty so say POPULAR. I�m still proof reading my 4 books that have been say STOLEN OF. Mentors previously this passing year know that. It�s a focus of hard placing of whats real or true. Deciding those and then venturing how they connect to the finale. That needs to be stated and established. I�m hoping to avoid legal issues and get a money contract deal type thing doing what I have and do best. I�m praying to make some real money at last maybe collect some debts and tributes owed to me and clear the air so to say about it all and get the celebrity exposure destined for me. Like before in the current array of distress I�m in for 7,8 figures and to now I have to build either over it or on going. I need a lot of management I have the talents and ethics and experiences over the last decade ready to make main stream. I just need to be focusing on that (The simple 1 to do & so on things I do) and avoid wasting my talents on legalities or connections especially living. I just need a manager agents ect to take on the things that take a way from my work. If your interested or want to get this going, please call me email me and we can hopefully God willing make some money do some great things and change things around for the better. In the short time get easy living expenses and plans for these long term things finished. I�m in it to win it. I work harder then anyone out there and have some things you�d die to know�

Compensation: Adding Persona Of Client

    Bookmark   September 17, 2012 at 9:19PM
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texanjana

Thanks for the laugh! I have never seen this ad before.

    Bookmark   September 17, 2012 at 10:39PM
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