Drawing the battle lines...
Well, my son has been gone since the first week of November & his wife allowed the baby to stay with me during November. Of course, she got his paychecks because he didn't get the paperwork processed in time for it to go into our joint account that we set up the day before he left. When he left, he had just received an advance of nearly $2500 plus his regular pay. My DIL found an apartment the week he left & paid a deposit of $1000 but the first month rent was free with the year lease. She had well over $3000 left after that. She gave me NOTHING.... in fact, when she took him on visits (she took him over night to her mom's house 6 times), she had ME provide diapers, clean clothes & blankets. (much of which she hasn't given back so I've had to buy more bottles, blankets & clothes)
Toward the end of the month, I finally got my DGS's military insurance card & set him up with a doctor. I also found out he is 9 months old and his 6 month shots are due still. When he got sick, she was nowhere to be found... no rushing over to see him, no call to see how he's doing, no motherly comfort at all. WTH??? So, I arranged a doctor appointment & to get his shots.
But, then December 1st, my son's paycheck went into my account. She came and picked up DGS like she was just taking him for the day but while I was gone, she came to my house & took everything that belonged to him that she could find. She then called me incessantly, giving me sob story after sob story, why she NEEDS me to give her some money. (mind you, she did get $300 direct deposited to 'their' joint account.. the rest went into 'our' joint account.) When I wouldn't give her any money, she went to the bank and withdrew more than she had in her account and since my son is on both accounts, they pulled it from our joint account. So, I went the next day with my power of attorney & closed out their joint account. Needless to say, she is not very happy, however she has still brought DGS to me at least every couple of days for me to keep him overnight. She does not seem to be able to keep him for more than two nights in a row. Well, she brought him to me last week and told me he hadn't gone #2. I had him for three days and he was in so much discomfort/pain that it broke my heart. He didn't go #2 for the three days I had him... I gave him juice, prunes & glycerin suppository and took him to the doctor who didn't seem as concerned about it, but then he finally went. While he was constipated, she came by my office to see him for 5 minutes. She didn't even try to hold him, just reached down & rubbed his cheek. I saw what I think are track marks on her hand. As she was leaving, he cried out in pain. She was already across the room & just shrugged and said "ohhhh" and walked out. I don't know what is more sad, that he didn't cry because she was leaving.... or that she could walk out while he is wailing in pain. HE IS A 9 MONTH OLD BABY!!!
The latest is that she finally admitted to my DD19 that she was pregnant. I may have mentioned in my previous thread that she looks pregnant but was denying it. My son told us he wasn't sure if she was or not. Well, my daughter stopped by her apartment & she was higher than a kite. She 'slipped' and said my son broke up with her while she is pregnant the second time but she said she isn't pregnant anymore, then said "oops, I shouldn't say anything about it to you". She was rambling on, probably because she was intoxicated or high.
So, I have just completed my petition for guardianship and I know when she finds out, all hell is gonna break loose. I was hoping she would leave him with me by agreement and that was fine as long as all the money went to her. She paid NOTHING last month. Her cell phones were shut off and then she told me I need to pay it from the money that went into my account. I told her no, that other bills need to be paid first and she should have paid it last month. The new bill just arrived, which is the one I should have to pay. Well, she whined to my son that she has no food, no hot water, no phone, wah wah wah. I have had to set him straight on what is really going on here because she is giving him a totally different story. He still hopes she will step up and be a mom to their son... therefore, he is against me filing for guardianship. But, I promised him I would make sure DGS is cared for properly and while I have offered her parenting classes, anger management, and any help she needs to be a good parent to their son, she has not taken me up on it. Hell, I offered to keep him during the night so she can sleep because she complained that he wakes up many times in the night and she could keep him during the day while I am working. She never took him once. She came over to my office, saw him for a few minutes and left.
I have SO many mixed emotions right now about this. I may end up in battle with my son and that's the last thing I want right now. I'm still not sure if she is or isn't really pregnant, so I am also concerned about that. While this isn't really about the money to me, I also have concern that if my son gets upset with me, he will yank the money and give it to her. Then I will have to bear the financial responsibility until I can get an order for support (and I do not want to have to sue my son for child support).
I just need to vent. I am fine with taking on the added expense if he does take the money, even though money is already tight... he's my grandson. But, it doesn't just affect me, DH is not happy about it. He's having enough of his own troubles getting SD10's mom to pay anything & she's still threatening to take him back to court to change custody of SD. (As empty as the threats are, that also adds a bit of stress to the mix)
Here is a link that might be useful: Read this 1st if you have no clue what I'm talking about