34 year old Step Daughter Nightmare

teri1438December 28, 2011

Can someone help me?

My husbands daughter was evicted from her apartment (she got fired and could not find another job nor could she get unemployment) and she has an 8 year old. She didn't have anywhere to go so I agree to let her move home so she could finish her 8 mo trade school. she finished the school but cant take her boards because she doesnt have 150.00, but she wont get out of bed and go look for a job so she can take her boards and move out? When i try to talk to her she is disrespectful and doesnt feel she needs to tell me what she is doing. We always wind up in an argument because I cant stand her attitude and the way she speaks to me. I have asked her to find other resources, section 8, emergency housing, friends, other family members (no one is willing)but that she needs to go - she wont! what should i do to get her out?

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justmetoo

Where is her father in all this? I'd think a deadline along with house rules (yeah, I don't care the lady is 34, she lives at home she can follow house rules)should be coming from her father.

No, normally a 34yr does not have to report and/or account to her parent/s, but when they live under daddy/mommy's roof, 'normally' flies out the window.

You'll be the whining nagging busybody witch with it all coming from you. Husband needs to take control of the situation. Perhaps Dad can loan her the $150 with the terms of payback. After she does the boards, she hits the pavement seeking employment, give her x amount of time blah blah.

While it may take her a bit of time to get the employment and have enough to move there is no reason in the world she can't be helping around the house, respecting all household members ect. Realistically decent jobs are hard to come by right now and when one opens there is a lot of people trying to jump on the few openings. She may have to take something 'below' her qualifications to get started.

If she was fired, evicted and now staying in bed all the time, is she depressed? If husband thinks that is a possible, he should see to it she gets up, goes to a dr and gets herself back in order so she can move on. You don't mention how she was pre all her current troubles and behavior. Was she motivated, hard working? If she stays in bed all day , who is taking care of her son?

    Bookmark   December 28, 2011 at 11:00PM
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sweeby

Give her the $150 already! It's probably just an excuse, but so long as it's a legitimate excuse, she won't move forward. Add to that that her chances of passing her boards decrease the longer she puts off her exam.

Once she's passed her boards, she needs to find a job and DAD needs to make sure it happens, including enforcing a deadline.

    Bookmark   December 29, 2011 at 7:55PM
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shadow.wife

Lots of luck to you teri . sure give her the money see what she does with it. she may use it for what its intended for and maybe not. but its ok you will only be out 150.00 thats just chump change to some..but when a week goes by and she needs 200.00 for something else go ahead and give it to her. and after 6 months and she is still sleeping all day maybe she will find her way out of the bed to get something to eat.of course be prepard to do the dishes. my steps are all adults they get whatever they want from good ole daddy.. and what ever you do hubby will always see you as the bad one even if you are trying to come to good terms about the whole situation.

    Bookmark   December 29, 2011 at 9:29PM
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imamommy

My 22 year old son moved back in six months ago... he had a plan to stay 2-3 months & work to save up money so he can move out. He has since quit his other job when I hired him to help on deliveries. After a couple of months, he quit me. Now, he sleeps all day & won't get a job. I gave him a deadline of the beginning of January & it is upon us. He still isn't working but my other son is coming back... the plan is now for them to live together & I may be writing out a check for two months rent & help them move in.

The least any adult child living at home can do is abide by basic rules & help out with chores, especially if they are not paying any rent. My dad told me, when my kids were minors, that if I ever became homeless... my kids were welcome to come live with him but I was on my own. Now, I know my dad loves me & does not want me in a cardboard box or living on the street, but the message was very clear that I needed to prioritize rent as #1.... and I always did. I could live without electricity (and did a couple of times) but allowing kids to move in & do nothing is not helping them at all. I am going to get tough with my son this next week... I'm not looking forward to it but he's had four months warning... and he can't even wash a sink of dishes! Play time is OVER!

And I agree, it needs to come from the parent... NOT the stepparent.

    Bookmark   December 29, 2011 at 10:11PM
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