more Christmas lists...

mom_of_2.5December 7, 2008

So, we got our tree up and decorated, everyone participated and it's great. Then the kids get started making wish lists. When I was a kid we got the Penny's catalog on Thanksgiving at Grandmas house, and made lists for our Grandparents. We made lists because our Grandparents didn't know us at all. I have nothing against a LITTLE want, but it's my opinion kids should not pass out lists. If someone doesn't know any of the kids well enough to chose their own gift then they really shouldn't be buying them anything. Meaning while my friends who call themselves aunties to my kids will buy them gifts, I don't at all expect casual friends or friends of friends to gift our kids at all.

Anyhow, my SS 9 made a list that includes, World of Warcraft, Dell Laptop, Iphone, and on and on. I really felt sick to my stomache by the materialism, greed, and selfishness this list displayed. It was a complete page of things not appropriate for his age or way overpriced.

So, we sit to talk to him about how lucky we are for all the things we have and how Christmas is the season of GIVING not of getting. We talked about how it's not HIS Birthday we're celebrating, and even went to "thou shall not want". SS crumbles up his list throws it in the trash, gets a new page and writes "nothing" then presents it to his Dad, saying "this is what I want for Christmas" I bit my tongue resisting the urge to tell him I'd be happy to get him just that. He then spent the next hour in his room (voluntarily)until time to return to mom.

I just thought the whole thing is sad. And I really don't know what to do with that. My 13yo doesn't feel a need to make a list, and my 8 yr old simply asked for his very own package of oreo's his very own 2 liter of soda(things I don't often buy them), and a couple games for his DS. I know my SS is not the only kid who shoots for the moon, but does anyone else have these drastic differences between bio/step children? He seems to think we owe him the most expensive everything and if he can't have all of it then he wants nothing at all. I realy don't know where to go with that.

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my 8 yr old simply asked for his very own package of oreo's his very own 2 liter of soda

That is so cute!

    Bookmark   December 8, 2008 at 7:42AM
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We ask my dd to make a list for grandparents, etc. That way they know what to get her. But I make sure it's simple stuff. This year she wants art supplies, a rocking chair, and a paperweight. And, we only give the list to those who ask, and they coordinate between themselves.

I find the holiday to be way blown out of proportion. I used to get a box of underwear from my relatives, house slippers, robes, etc. And a stuffed animal or something. As a teenager, a CD. Really big gifts, like a stereo, or roller skates would be the only gift under the tree except for some clothes items.

Have you tried the "serving the homeless" route? Going to a shelter and seeing kids who don't have anything?

    Bookmark   December 8, 2008 at 11:32AM
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I am looking into local shelters today that may utilize our family Christmas Day for a few sets of helping hands. Maybe he really can't imagine life with less until he sees it for himself.

I think I'm just frustrated because gifts from his mom are always more than he needs (in mine & DH's opinions). She bought him an ipod for Christmas when he was 6, for his 9th Birthday a cell phone-which, at 4 months old is on his Christmas list to be replaced with a bigger and better version.

DH and I have always taken the "not competing" position and only bought things we felt were apprpriate, like a Leapster, football, NFL Jersey things like that. But he's never thankful for what he's given, just wants something better. I can't imagine how this frame of mind is going to pan out for him down the road in the real world.

    Bookmark   December 8, 2008 at 1:08PM
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Funny story as far as reaching out to the less fortunate and kids are concerned........

So the girls have WAY WAY WAY too many toys and stuffed animals. We are worried there will be no space for new Christmas items because thier room is slam packed and 70% of the crap they don't even play with!

So Jonathan has a warm heart to heart with the girls about how their are less fortunate children who don't have any food or a home no less toys. He told them that there are some little boys and girls who have never gotten a birthday or christmas present.

He then told them that they could make these children very happy by giving them some of their "old" toys and dollies to play with since they will be getting new toys from Santa. He left them with a bag and told them to put any toys or stuffed animals they no longer wanted in the bag for the less fortunate children. He then left the room.

10 minutes later the girls emerged with the bag. It contained one barbie doll with all her hair cut off, a few crayons, a completely full coloring book, a few barbie doll shoes that didn't even match and a trully heinous pink stuffed gorilla that not even a homeless child would want because it's disturbing and scares me.

So much for instilling the power of giving to two five year

    Bookmark   December 9, 2008 at 3:39PM
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too cute Doodle!!

    Bookmark   December 9, 2008 at 3:55PM
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mom of 2.5

Is it possible the your SS equates getting things with love? I did as a child. My mom didn't express emotional or physical love well at all. She was better at buying me things although she certainly didn't spoil us. I attached her love for me to the things that she gave me. I think because the things stayed around but the sharing of her love was very absent.

We set a limit for the kids. If one child wants something that takes up the entire budget for them then they get one gift while the others may have 10.

I remember getting a hugely expensive list from a nephew years ago. ( my 1st husbands ) I was shocked. I don't remember if we talked to him about us having a limited amount to spend or not but I know that he didn't get what he had asked for from us.

We do the charity thing all through the year. It is difficult empress upon a 10 year old through ringing bells though. At least it is for my SD10. She has managed to turn it into a party for her where she is the center of attention. She does this A LOT and her dad's family is to blame for this. (he is also). I think next year that the best thing to do for SD10 is to teach her with a visual. Working in the mission, serving meals, something like that. I do things like mow the lawn and rake leaves for a neighbor man that is in ill health. He won't even speak to me but I don't do it for that reason. I do it because he needs help. It is important for the kids to see me doing things even though it hurts me physically. My response to them or my husband when they have asked me why I continue to do it when the guy is such a you know what is that if Christ did for me only when I deserved it then I would have nothing. Loving someone that is easy to love is no big deal. It is when you love the unlovable that you do what Christ intended.

SD10 has been taught that she and the other children in her dad's family rule the roost. I find that very sad and difficult to live with. I am working to show her differently. Even with being taught this she is a pretty great kid. She is happy with far less then a lot of kids although she has far more, if that makes any sense. She gets something from everyone though so maybe she just feels really secure in her place in the family and the world in general.

She and I had a talk about Christmas the other day. She cried about her selfishness. As she grows up she needs to be humbled and she needs to learn to see herself as such. We all do.

    Bookmark   December 9, 2008 at 4:50PM
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