Christmas baby getting here tomorrow

gajopaDecember 11, 2008

My son's baby will be arriving tomorrow. This will be #18 for us ~ the 6th bio, rest steps, all ours. Due date was 25th but they discovered the baby has stopped growing and feel it best to induce. It's like this is my 1st since other bios don't live here. I'm very excited.

The other grandma is planning on taking over, being there constantly, then staying with them as long as they will allow. She is the type that will tell them exactly how to take care of the baby, IF she lets them take care of it at all. It's totally unnecessary since my son is laid off at this point and perfectly capable of doing anything that needs to be done. This is their first but they are in their 30's. I'm sort of dreading being pushed into the background what time I'm there. Does anyone have any suggestions?

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believer

gajopa.....congratulations on your new grand baby. How exciting to have this blessed baby be so close to you. I am very happy for you.

I think that it is natural for the new mom to have her mother around, if there is a good relationship there. She may be more comfortable with her helping out at first. I would talk to my son and ask him what he would like me to do. If you are financially able to help at this time since he is laid off perhaps you could arrange to take care of a bill or stock the cupboards. Something that would ease what maybe some stresses in regards to their daily needs.

I know that you are dying to get your hands on the baby and I mean that in a good way. You may have to hang back and wait a bit. I actually requested that we have no visitors for 1 week after my 1st daughter was born. Not even my mother or should I say especially my mother. I had an extremely difficult delivery, lost a lot of blood and had to have emergency surgery to repair damage. I could have used the help but I couldn't handle anyone being around. I was very sick. My mom was mad but she got over it.

What will be remembered most is what you do not do. By that I mean not getting involved with the other grandma that wants to take over. Be loving, kind, helpful if you can and let other grandma do her thing. I believe there will be time for you to spend with your new grand baby if you feel things out and check with your son. The most important thing is to alleviate stress for the new mom.

Bless you and your son, his wife and their 1st child.

    Bookmark   December 11, 2008 at 11:55PM
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sweeby

Sending positive thoughts your way...

And I agree with Believer that the best thing you can do right now is to let your son and DIL know that you're so excited and can hardly wait, but that you also understand they will want some private time right now, and that you'll try to balance your excitement and wanting to help with a sensitivity not to intrude as well. Definitely ask your son and DIL what you can do to help, but don't let your feelings be hurt if DIL wants her own mother around right now.

What would have been most helpful to me as a new Mom was some of my favorite casserole-style foods in microwave-ready containers. The one skill every newborn seems to posess at birth is the ability to wake up and need something the minute Mom sits down to eat...

    Bookmark   December 12, 2008 at 10:47AM
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gajopa

Believer & Sweeby, thank you for the good wishes. Haven't heard anything yet. I told DS & DDIL to have someone call me WHEN they wanted me to get there. Also told DIL if she needed me to do something to tell me, otherwise I would visit for brief periods. There are no hard feelings between anyone but we all know how overbearing her DM is. I just let her do her thing. They don't really want her there during labor but my DIL is so sweet she doesn't want to hurt her feelings. She did tell her when things got further along she would be asking her to leave. When my first one was born I just didn't call my parents until it was over because I felt that time should be for just parents & baby. Just to give you an example ~ her DM told her she would be coming to their house every morning but would have to leave to pick up other g'kids from school, would take the baby with her to do this, then come back with the 2 boys and stay the rest of the day. DIL told her the baby wouldn't be leaving the house and it would NOT be necessary to come back. My thoughts are that a new baby that may have some minor problems don't need to be around school children to start with.

DS & DDIL have finances under control even though he isn't working right now. She plans to stay home for 3 months. My son hasn't asked for anything since he graduated high school and got out on his own. Doesn't mean I haven't given them things but he is very independent, thank goodness. When you have as many as we do it's not possible to do too much even though we're retired and living comfortable. DS's bio-dad has big $$ but my son doesn't want any part of it.

Sweeby, that's a good idea to fix some meals and honestly I hadn't thought about it. I seem to just have baby on the brain right now. With the previous grands I wasn't nearly so excited. And my count was off (easy to do when you have this many). This will be 8th bio, I wasn't counting the 2 greats. Yes, I'm ancient at 66.

    Bookmark   December 12, 2008 at 12:36PM
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mom1sm2

How exciting a Christmas baby! What better gift to get than that?

I agree with the other posters about what to do.

I also like the idea of making some meals.

When I delivered my daughter my mom came to town and helped out. She wanted me to have all the time with the baby so she did some extra housework, bought us any groceries we needed, and made meals. She let me have all the time with my little girl. Since you are in the same town how about making some meals for them like the other poster said.

Consider offering your services with getting them stocked up on any groceries they need and offering to help out around the house. I think when people have a baby esp the first one they need some time to bond with the baby and be together as a new family. If I were you I would hang back, offer to help, and wait. I am sure you will get lots of time with that baby and will know that you are not causing them any stress by being pushy like the other gma.

CONGRATS!!!!

    Bookmark   December 12, 2008 at 2:07PM
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sweeby

Oh yeah -- Errands! Especially the kind that typical men may not be so good at... Things like grocery shopping, dry cleaners, Christmas shopping and decorations?

Maybe even offer to take the other grandma out 'shopping' to get her out of the new parents' hair?

    Bookmark   December 12, 2008 at 4:28PM
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gajopa

The baby arrived at 12:32, about 3 minutes after I got to the hospital, but it was an hour before we could see him. He's fine, no problems. The other g'parents were very nice to me but had about worn out their welcome with the kids. Grandma stayed with them until bedtime last night and was back at 5 am before they woke up and was still there when I left at 4. Oh well, not my problem.

Thanks mom1sm2, yes very exciting to have him for Christmas but I'm glad he got here a bit before Christmas so his birthday won't be combined with Christmas. Your suggestion for help are good but unfortunately I have health problems that prevent me from being able to do housework or shop. I have to have a housekeeper to do my house and my shopping is done on the internet. I can probably manage some meals and I definitely agree they need bonding time. I did ask if they needed any financial help and true to form, he declined. What I definitely won't be is pushy. I'm pretty laid back and don't make waves.

Sweeby, I doubt I could get the grandma out of the house even if I was up to shopping. I will probably go back tomorrow for a short while. Thanks for your interest. He's very special to me.

    Bookmark   December 12, 2008 at 9:39PM
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