Just what I needed; A lil FB DRAMA before Christmas!

imamommyDecember 16, 2011

I need to rant ladies, so please bear with me today. I am trying not to let this bring me down so I wanna get it off my chest so I can move forward.

The other day, I used the FB app "status shuffle" to update my status. I thought it was cute and used it... I have three kids & a husband so it kinda fit. I didn't even include DGS as one of my "loves" though he is. But, I did mention him in my first comment.

My relationship with SIL is pretty nonexistent. I have never sat and had a conversation with her, she rarely goes to family events and they have not seen SD in at least a year, except one afternoon in September for less than two hours. So, I really don't understand the purpose of what I felt is her confronting me when she has no idea what the situation is with SD, nor is she interested in talking to me to find out. She just launches these attacks on FB. I would love to delete her but that would probably start more crap... though I'm getting close to calling her up to tell her what I really think but that will definitely result in a family ruckus. Grrrr... I am trying so hard to keep things peaceful for DH (and for me). I don't have to associate with them throughout the year. BIL is constantly telling DH how he never spends time with him now that he moved way over here with me... blah blah blah. I've invited them over numerous times, they decline. DH is free to hang out there but he does not want to... and when BIL makes him feel guilty, he will go which is about once a year. It's just stupid.


Ima: I have 4 loves in my life: 3 call me mommy and another calls me Babe (via status shuffle)


Ima: & DGS2 has 3 names for me.

SIL: What SD12 is not one of your loves? Lol.

Ima: I feel bad for her situation...

SIL: Still you don't live her..

SIL: Love her*

Ima: She hasn't spoken more than 8 words a week to me in months... like I said, I feel bad for her but I love those that love me back.

BIL: I feel sorry for cuz you are missing out on a great girl when people LET her talk! Send her this way she talks to me. I don't get to see her much anyways!

Ima: She's out for Christmas break next week. Talk to DH, I think he is leaving her home alone all week but if you want to see her, maybe he can drop her off with you guys. I'm sure she would love that too.

Then I got home from DGS's Christmas pageant & DH tells me his brother had called him to talk about what I wrote. I told my DH that I don't undestand why they are trying to start this crap a week before Christmas and that them expecting me to LOVE SD is like anyone expecting him to LOVE my kids, especially my sons that aren't always nice to him. He agreed and said he told his brother the same thing already. I'm a little irritated that he didn't just tell them to mind their own business. They've seen SD all of two hours in the last YEAR! That was only because SIL wrote a smartass comment on my FB wall back in September & BIL said the same thing... bring her on over cuz we love her. So, when DH & I went to Yosemite & BM was going to drop off SD from her weekend (she was visiting family & would be passing through on her way home) I suggested he have BM drop SD off at BIL's house until we got back. As soon as BM dropped her off, we got a call from BIL to let us know we can come pick her up. She was there less than two hours.

I don't get what her problem with me is. Before DH met me, SHE was the family scapegoat. When I met DH, she had been married to bIL for about 9 years. MIL & FIL were constantly saying negative, nasty things about her. Well, now their attention has shifted to me because SD tells them how mean I am so I am the scapegoat now. You'd think maybe SIL would sympathize since she knows how that family operates better than I do... and they pitted against her for years. I always thought she stayed because she has a son with BIL... I would never take being treated the way they treated her. Jeez!!!

Thanks for letting me vent.... ugh!!!

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I feel you Ima. I tell you what....I'm about to delete my facebook because of stupid crap like this. That's why I don't even get on there much anymore. People post stuff on my wall or ask me questions and my own MIL answers them for me! I've moved onto a new addiction anyways, Pinterest. LOL.

I can see where FB has brought together alot of people but it has probably caused just as much trouble too!

    Bookmark   December 19, 2011 at 2:44PM
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lol, I ignored MIL's friend request. NO WAY!!! But, I was already FB friends with BIL & SIL because they have been on FB since I opened my account, MIL just opened hers. I'd hate to delete it because ONE person wants to write nasty things to me. I know this doesn't sound nasty to most people but the ONLY time she posts anything is to "confront" me about SD. When DH took SD shopping for school clothes (because I refused to take her), I commented something to him like "good luck shopping with a teen girl..lol" and SIL went off on me... even her son who's 15 had something to say.. as if I was writing nasty mean things about SD. Later on, they both said they felt they needed to "protect" SD and defend her. Um, mothers of teen girls write stuff like that all the time.. or worse. I am about to unfriend her. I just don't get why she doesn't unfriend me... obviously she doesn't like me & has nothing nice to say to me. I don't 'not like' her, I don't know her. I have felt sorry for her because of the way MIL talks about her... I know she took the brunt before I came along. It's more about THAT than it being posted on FB. I'm beginning to dread Christmas, which is probably what they want... so I don't go. I may just give them what they want & let DH go alone. My DIL expressed an interest in seeing DGS that day so I may offer to drive him so I have a good reason to not go with DH... I don't really feel I need a reason at all but at least DH can explain to his mom that I had to go instead of it looking like I just don't want to go see them... lol, which I really don't.

Grrrr! It does make me angry that I am willing to suck it up & be nice for DH's sake. I ordered personalized gifts for them & was going to go & be gracious/cordial but now I don't know if I could muster a fake smile for that group. I'm pretty sure DH would understand if I don't want to go but they would give him a hard time... and I don't see him standing up to them. He might, but I doubt it. He wants everyone to just get along.

    Bookmark   December 19, 2011 at 4:37PM
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oh yeash....

Ima, I feel you too. My solution is to put anyone who annoys me in a separate group, then I exclude them from status updates. Every once in a while I'll post a simple one that they are included on so they feel like they're seeing something.

I HATE FB but I have a TON of family overseas who I would not be in contact without the FB connection (or, it would be a lot harder).

    Bookmark   December 19, 2011 at 5:58PM
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I have started playing Words with Friends, some through FB, some through iPhone. It is not unusual for me to have 4-6 games going at once. Well, in November, some of my FB friends began daily postings of things for which they are thankful. This was just after the fiasco of our attempt at family time with DH's son, DIL, and grandkids, so I wasn't feeling particularly thankful...but I was really enjoying the play of WwF, so I decided to post a Word with Friends Word of the Day...well, it has been brought to my attention that DH's son & DIL felt as if the words I was posting were directed at them and, consequently, DH's son has not contacted DH since we left to return home nearly 2 months ago.

This is an example of one of my posts: WwF Word of the Day: Austere

I don't have a ton of FB friends, ~120 (mostly family --- Irish Catholic --- siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends from HS, college & grad school, a few co-workers, etc). I know of no other FB friend who thought I was sending secret messages with my random postings of vocabulary words that were inspired by an online scrabble game.

I never posted anything about DH & I traveling to his son's house...don't want to broadcast our absence from the house in case my FB account gets hacked; never implied any of the words I posted were potshots towards them, but somehow, they managed to personalize fun I was having with friends.

When I learned DH's son was using this as an excuse not to have contact with DH, I took care of it pretty quickly by deleting DIL, SS1, SS1's wife, & SD. All of them have somewhere in the neighborhood of 200-400 FB "friends", so I doubt they have even noticed I've removed them.

I just refuse to let SS2 use me in any way, shape, or form as being responsible for his lack of a relationship with DH...wish SS2 would put on his big boy panties and take ownership of his relationship (or lack thereof) with his dad...after nearly 17 years of this, I am well beyond my limit.

    Bookmark   December 19, 2011 at 10:38PM
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I all-but quit getting on FB for the same reasons.

There was a lot of stuff going on with X over the summer and into November that I haven't talked about because, quite frankly, I'm afraid to give the nastiness a voice to rule me with. Anyway, XMIL is one of my friends (I think I've talked about this before), but I have serious and credible reason to believe she was allowing X access to her FB so he could snoop mine. She kept DS a few times over the summer, during MY custodial periods, and was sweet as pie and overly obliging. The last time I picked him up, she lied to my face when I asked her about some things going on with X (totally unrelated to me). As it turns out, the whole time, she was trying to gather info for X to give to an attorney to take custody of DS from me.

This all came to a head Labor Day weekend when X blew up at DS for a seemingly unknown reason. Long story short, looks like X's attorney told him he had no chance in Hades at getting custody if DS doesn't want to leave. XMIL was stealing pictures from my page. Not like last time when she shared the picture from my page. She was actually tagging herself, making an album, and untagging herself, as if I wouldn't know she did it. Honestly, I wouldn't have believed it if someone told me she did that, because she is extremely technologically impaired, but I just so happened to be on FB at the very time she did it and watched it happen (it was actually very weird to watch).

The sad part is she was commenting on it as if she or X actually attended the events! In reality, she didn't and actually hadn't even talked to DS about it.

The real kicker was that X called DS after one of those events, before XMIL stole the pics, and made a comment to him about how nice he looked. That's how I knew he had been on her page, because I have him blocked so he wouldn't be able to see the pics even if I tagged XMIL in them, which I didn't. And I'd be willing to bet X is the one who actually did the stealing of the pics.

    Bookmark   December 20, 2011 at 11:49AM
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Sorry, Ima, I posted before I got to my point. I guess my point is that sometimes in order to be nice, we end up putting ourselves in worse situations. If I were you, I would block them and if it causes drama, say "I'm sorry you were offended, but I was offended by your post and I felt like blocking you was the best way to keep the peace."

    Bookmark   December 20, 2011 at 12:07PM
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I would just unfriend them and definitely would not go to their holiday get togethers. Why torture yourself? Seriously you are damned if you do and damned if you don't go. At least if you stay home or take DGS you will have some control over how your holiday goes and you can be sure to at least relax and enjoy a good book!

    Bookmark   December 22, 2011 at 7:51PM
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A couple of days ago, I unfriended both of them. Then, yesterday I decided to also block them as I do not want any contact with them on FB. I didn't do it because I'm mad & if she wants to be "friends", she can call me up & we can go have lunch... where she can actually get to know me. I won't hold my breath but I did tell DH what I did & why. If anyone gets confronted, it will be him since they don't talk to me. I don't anticipate her confronting me, in the six years DH & I have been together, she has said very little to me. She did come up to me at the end of my wedding to say I just joined a crazy family... but didn't elaborate, she just said that & walked away. I can almost hear Bill Engvall's voice saying "here's your sign!". That was the most she's ever said directly to me. At any other events, she might talk in a group or say hello but we've never had a conversation.

I agree, I'm damned if I do or don't. DIL isn't going to get DGS on Christmas after all so I am taking him to see my mom. She gets out of the hospital on Saturday... they had to do emergency surgery on her after she developed an infection at a prior surgical site following her first round of chemo. She's doing well for now. I'm busy the next couple of days helping my sister with her stepdaughter's impromptu wedding. We have had 2 weeks to put it together & she gets married on Saturday, Christmas Eve. She just got back from Germany on Sunday so she's only been in on the planning since Monday. She's in the Army, stationed in Germany so she goes back on New Years. That has kept me busy, along with Christmas... and my son comes home next week too.

I feel a sense of peace over the situation with DH's family, however I also feel like I'm spinning in every direction and if the spinning stops, I will crash hard. Grrr. I'm just going to pick one issue at a time to get through so that doesn't happen. I really appreciate having this place to vent & for the support it provides. Thank you all.

Have a Merry Christmas everyone!

    Bookmark   December 23, 2011 at 1:40AM
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IMA, Glad to read you had a good Christmas afterall. Hope 2012 is healthy and prosperous.

    Bookmark   December 27, 2011 at 3:27PM
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